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Yum?

October 29th, 2008 by · 49 Comments

Though you won’t read about it anywhere else, the RiffTrax blog is all over the upcoming Halloween holiday. Today we expose a blight even worse than those people who demand of trick or treaters, “Where’s my trick?”: namely “healthy Halloween snacks”.

batwich5

If this fried yam bat sandwich catches on it will do more to end the Halloween tradition than a million razor blade-studded apples ever could. And yet I am confident that it won’t catch on. Why? Because it’s a fried yam sandwich.

2860080066 cdd8fae105

“As a 6-year-old, I have to say I was initially disappointed that in lieu of the 50 pounds of rainbow colored candy I was expecting to receive this Halloween, I’m getting a small platter of uncooked vegetables. But now that I see those cauliflower hip bones, I’m sold!”

slaw1

Nothing says Halloween like slaw! Any kind of slaw; cole, or… um, oh, any one of the many, many hundreds of slaws! This one happens to be a carrot slaw made with raisins, maple syrup and ginger! Spooky ginger!

mummy dogs2

Mummy dogs…

green goo

With green goo. The hot dog mummies are actually made with Tofu pups, and it’s conceivable that you could choke one down had it not been doused with a sauce made from vegan Colby cheese.
wasabi eyeballs
These are carrot slices, covered in Vegenaise and black olives, which are, coincidentally, the top 3 items on the list of “things most often spit into a napkin.” The linchpin of this snack, and the thing that sells it to the kids is the addition of a generous portion of wasabi.

In short, go to hell healthy Halloween snacks!

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