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October 29th, 2008 by Mike Nelson · 49 Comments

Though you won’t read about it anywhere else, the RiffTrax blog is all over the upcoming Halloween holiday. Today we expose a blight even worse than those people who demand of trick or treaters, “Where’s my trick?”: namely “healthy Halloween snacks”.


If this fried yam bat sandwich catches on it will do more to end the Halloween tradition than a million razor blade-studded apples ever could. And yet I am confident that it won’t catch on. Why? Because it’s a fried yam sandwich.

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“As a 6-year-old, I have to say I was initially disappointed that in lieu of the 50 pounds of rainbow colored candy I was expecting to receive this Halloween, I’m getting a small platter of uncooked vegetables. But now that I see those cauliflower hip bones, I’m sold!”


Nothing says Halloween like slaw! Any kind of slaw; cole, or… um, oh, any one of the many, many hundreds of slaws! This one happens to be a carrot slaw made with raisins, maple syrup and ginger! Spooky ginger!

mummy dogs2

Mummy dogs…

green goo

With green goo. The hot dog mummies are actually made with Tofu pups, and it’s conceivable that you could choke one down had it not been doused with a sauce made from vegan Colby cheese.
wasabi eyeballs
These are carrot slices, covered in Vegenaise and black olives, which are, coincidentally, the top 3 items on the list of “things most often spit into a napkin.” The linchpin of this snack, and the thing that sells it to the kids is the addition of a generous portion of wasabi.

In short, go to hell healthy Halloween snacks!

Tags: RiffTrax

49 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Ariel on Oct 29, 2008 at 10:33 am

    You should check out the Halloween Cakes on
    You will not be sorry!

  • 2 Ryan on Oct 29, 2008 at 10:56 am

    This is what God made eggs for.

    That, and to make cake. Thanks Ariel.

  • 3 R.A. Roth on Oct 29, 2008 at 11:11 am

    For Christ-sake, just put out regular food! Food need not resemble anything beside food. Where did this infantile American preoccupation with “cute food” come from? I blame the French and the people who invented cookie cutters shaped like gingerbread men.


  • 4 LINDSEY on Oct 29, 2008 at 11:34 am

    My grandma passes out apples for Halloween. Even during the 80s when an estimated 9 out of 10 apples contained razor blades (not my grandma’s).

  • 5 Ben on Oct 29, 2008 at 11:43 am

    Nothing says Halloween like specials on the Food Network. We can especially always count on semi-Barbie, Sandra Lee, to always make a fool out of herself and make us realize that if we had fake boobs and money, we too could be as successful as her.

  • 6 Ben on Oct 29, 2008 at 11:44 am


  • 7 Ben on Oct 29, 2008 at 11:45 am

    Nothing says Halloween like specials on the Food Network. We can especially count on semi-Barbie, Sandra Lee, to always make us realize that if we had fake boobs and married money, we too count buy a successful show on tv.

  • 8 Ben on Oct 29, 2008 at 11:47 am

    Here is a link to the Food Network’s Sandra Lee, who takes the holiday a wee bit too far. Boy, is she lucky she got fake boobs and married money or she’d never get a show on tv.

  • 9 Karen Han on Oct 29, 2008 at 12:40 pm

    ewwww/ we give out candy! yuck. thankfully after this year i will NOT be giving out candy, just getting it for meself.

    btw, the current image of the mike nelson in indy’s clothing is AWESOME!

  • 10 kerry on Oct 29, 2008 at 12:50 pm


  • 11 Rose on Oct 29, 2008 at 12:53 pm

    Heck, I’m vegan and that’s gross. And, if even the vegan is grossed out…. Dude.

  • 12 RemmieBarrow on Oct 29, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    (Nothing says Halloween like slaw! )
    I thought nothing said Halloween like egging someone’s house, or TPing their yard, or lighting a bag of dog doo on fire, ringing their door bell, and then running away.

  • 13 Glyn on Oct 29, 2008 at 1:50 pm

    I’m a vegetarian too and these things gross me out as well.
    I hate most vegetables and now I can add all of these to my ever growing list!

  • 14 Dames Like Her on Oct 29, 2008 at 2:16 pm

    Very funny stuff.

  • 15 Dames Like Her on Oct 29, 2008 at 2:18 pm

    I’ve slit open the Pixi Stix and filled them with organic bee pollen. And instead of Milk Duds, we’ll be handing out carob-soy-echinacea balls.
    Just kidding. Sugar all the way, please.

  • 16 TeeJay on Oct 29, 2008 at 2:42 pm

    The mummy dogs are a cute idea – uh with REAL hot dogs of course.

    And isn’t GREEN cheese supposed to be a BAD thing?

  • 17 Spookette on Oct 29, 2008 at 3:21 pm

    Nothing says Halloween like spooky slaw.

  • 18 Chris D. on Oct 29, 2008 at 3:27 pm

    Am I the only one who thinks that carrot raisin salad actually sounds kind of tasty (and I’m no vegan).

  • 19 justhesh on Oct 29, 2008 at 3:46 pm

    I’m all for that vegetable platter. Too bad it doesn’t have any yellow peppers to go along with the red and the green.

  • 20 Mr. Slick on Oct 29, 2008 at 5:14 pm

    “Yum?” = No

  • 21 Mr. Alexander on Oct 29, 2008 at 5:20 pm

    Sadly, what you’ve mistaken to be an amusingly-arranged vegetable platter is actually an autopsy photo of an Oompa-Loompa… Their stovepipe-hat-based religion strictly forbids corpse desecration, but the medical examiner is required by law to intervene when it’s an industrial accident (which it ALWAYS is).

  • 22 Eeliza on Oct 29, 2008 at 5:41 pm

    Thanks Mike…up until now I had no idea that there was a substance on Earth called “Vegenaise” and I was happy…now I’m slightly depressed, a little nauseated, and I have to go find a jar so that I can show it to my friends.

  • 23 Bullwinkle on Oct 29, 2008 at 6:16 pm

    I have to say, the mummy dogs look darn tasty.

  • 24 RobtheBarbarian on Oct 29, 2008 at 6:57 pm

    This makes me want to slap someone. I hope it wears off before little kids start ringing my doorbell.

  • 25 AmandaGal on Oct 29, 2008 at 10:28 pm

    Ok. I think the mummy “pigs in a blanket” are cute.

    I can tell you can vegan hot dogs are disgusting, but imagine it with a real hot dog.

  • 26 blablover5 on Oct 30, 2008 at 6:52 am

    Someone needs to get a ton of grant money and do some “research” to prove that vegetables are actually bad for you and can lead to certain death (after all everyone has to die).

    I can even get you started with spinach, eat too much and you can get zinc poisoning.

  • 27 Mike Nelson on Oct 30, 2008 at 8:47 am

    Someone has!

  • 28 kt on Oct 30, 2008 at 9:39 am

    If it doesn’t wear off by then can I please come to your house and watch you pass out candy?

  • 29 Pezdrake on Oct 30, 2008 at 11:13 am

    Nothing gets people riled up like tellring them the fod they are eating is ridiculous. Vegans get pompous, meat eaters get angry, obese people protest, thin people boast. Forget politics and religion, food is the real third rail of any conversation. It’s so verboten that people don’t even talk about how verboten it is. THat’s why I am courageous.

  • 30 The Denim Diaries by Kami Gray » Blog Archive » Super Creepy, but Secretly Healthy Halloween Snacks on Oct 28, 2009 at 8:57 am

    [...] night or they’d also make a perfect pre-tricker treating snack. These both come courtesy of Rifftrax Blog and I think they’re brilliant! Check their blog for a few more creepy, but [...]

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