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October 29th, 2008 by · 49 Comments

Though you won’t read about it anywhere else, the RiffTrax blog is all over the upcoming Halloween holiday. Today we expose a blight even worse than those people who demand of trick or treaters, “Where’s my trick?”: namely “healthy Halloween snacks”.


If this fried yam bat sandwich catches on it will do more to end the Halloween tradition than a million razor blade-studded apples ever could. And yet I am confident that it won’t catch on. Why? Because it’s a fried yam sandwich.

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“As a 6-year-old, I have to say I was initially disappointed that in lieu of the 50 pounds of rainbow colored candy I was expecting to receive this Halloween, I’m getting a small platter of uncooked vegetables. But now that I see those cauliflower hip bones, I’m sold!”


Nothing says Halloween like slaw! Any kind of slaw; cole, or… um, oh, any one of the many, many hundreds of slaws! This one happens to be a carrot slaw made with raisins, maple syrup and ginger! Spooky ginger!

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Mummy dogs…

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With green goo. The hot dog mummies are actually made with Tofu pups, and it’s conceivable that you could choke one down had it not been doused with a sauce made from vegan Colby cheese.
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These are carrot slices, covered in Vegenaise and black olives, which are, coincidentally, the top 3 items on the list of “things most often spit into a napkin.” The linchpin of this snack, and the thing that sells it to the kids is the addition of a generous portion of wasabi.

In short, go to hell healthy Halloween snacks!

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