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LAUNCHING TODAY – BACONAISE

October 30th, 2008 by Conor Lastowka · 55 Comments

Baconaise

The geniuses who brought you Bacon Salt, have listened to the cries of the masses. Launching today is Baconaise: The Ultimate Bacon Flavored Spread.

Yes, spreadable bacon has arrived.  We’d like to reiterate that this is spreadable bacon.  This is not designed for direct jar-to-mouth-via-spoon consumption.  Once they put it in an EZ Cheez style spray can, then you can do that.  But for now, resist the temptation!

Any picks for the first celebrity to be surreptitiously photographed eating Baconaise straight from the jar?  My money is on Arcade Fire frontwoman Régine Chassagne

arcade-fire.jpg

Call it a hunch.

Baconaise is now available in a three pack for 14.99

Tags: RiffTrax · bacon

55 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Brooke! on Oct 30, 2008 at 1:32 pm

    Finaly a dip for chocolate covered cheese fried bacon wrapped bacon. Pork producers everywhere rejoice!

  • 2 RemmieBarrow on Oct 30, 2008 at 2:16 pm

    I now admit I have seen heaven.

  • 3 R.A. Roth on Oct 30, 2008 at 2:29 pm

    Bet it works wonders on open sores and bleeding pustules. I dunno. Bacon threads always bring out my darkside. Check that. Being online brings out my darkside.

    Randy

  • 4 Melman on Oct 30, 2008 at 2:37 pm

    I wish I wasn’t poor so I could buy some.

  • 5 Queen Shadowrama on Oct 30, 2008 at 2:48 pm

    I dunno…I’m skeptical. I just feel like bacon shouldn’t be that orange…

  • 6 Adam on Oct 30, 2008 at 4:19 pm

    I have thought long and hard on this for many, many seconds, and have decided that Baconnaise meets with my approval.

    Interesting, however, that they call it the “ultimate” bacon spread. If they mean it in the most likely (but technically incorrect) way, then this bacon spread is superior to the myriad other available bacon spreads currently saturating the spread market.

    If they mean it in the less likely way, then this is the last bacon spread mankind will ever encounter.

    Actually, it’s entirely possible that they mean BOTH.

    Also, “Spread Market” is an acceptable band name. You can use it if you want. I wouldn’t mind.

  • 7 Melman on Oct 30, 2008 at 4:33 pm

    I totally will.

  • 8 Onil on Oct 30, 2008 at 4:39 pm

    All we need is Louis Gossett, Jr. doing the commercial and these things should fly off the shelf.

  • 9 Dames Like Her on Oct 30, 2008 at 5:53 pm

    “Regular”? What other flavors is this ambrosia available in? Perhaps…
    “EXTREME!!!”
    “Sweet n’ Sour Cajun”
    “Country Chutney”
    ”White Chocolate Raspberry”?
    Keep watching the shelves.

  • 10 MonkeyCheezPants on Oct 30, 2008 at 5:54 pm

    Don’t forget Honey Maple Ranch.

  • 11 MonkeyCheezPants on Oct 30, 2008 at 6:00 pm

    Two things discovered on their website:

    1. The alternative to “Regular” is “Baconaise Lite.” Which sounds like it should cause a paradox in the space-time continuum.

    2. Far more disturbing, this product is certified Kosher… BECAUSE IT DOESN’T CONTAIN ANY ACTUAL BACON.

    Apostates, I say!

  • 12 Mr. Slick on Oct 30, 2008 at 8:27 pm

    OMG! Baconaise! OH! MY! GOD!

  • 13 Conor Lastowka on Oct 30, 2008 at 8:50 pm

    Yeah, I thought the 3 pack would have multiple flavors. Bacon Salt has original, natural (wtf?), hickory and peppered.

  • 14 MonkeyCheezPants on Oct 30, 2008 at 9:51 pm

    The “Natural” flavor lists as ingredients (among other things):

    “Natural Flavors” – vague and redundant at the same time!
    “Cellulose Gel” – a fancy way of saying wet cardboard.

    Also, not only does “natural” Bacon Salt contain NO BACON, it’s also VEGAN! The un-bacon!

  • 15 MonkeyCheezPants on Oct 30, 2008 at 9:52 pm

    Can I use the name “Spread Market” for my erotic classified ads, too?

  • 16 Eeliza on Oct 30, 2008 at 9:57 pm

    Thank you Conner…this helps in relieving the depression and nausea caused by Mike posting the unholy Vegenaise earlier this week. Hmmm…I bet the makers of Baconaise could beat up the makers of Vegenaise…now THAT is reality t.v. I would watch.

  • 17 Suzanne on Oct 30, 2008 at 10:05 pm

    Wait, is it Baconaise or Baconnaise?

  • 18 Jim Dunn on Oct 31, 2008 at 7:14 am

    Looks like the “-naise” phenomenon has been with us a long time. Look at this circa-1921 grocery store, which features “Mrs. Schlorer’s Olive-Naise.”

    http://www.shorpy.com/node/4797?size=_original

  • 19 RifftraxIsForever on Oct 31, 2008 at 8:22 am

    Oh my God, everyone down on your knees, because God has answered our prayers. Spreadable bacon is the bacon of the future. Next, I would like to see spreadable liverwurst. Could someone do that for me? I’d owe you one.

  • 20 NanoRiffite on Oct 31, 2008 at 9:12 am

    At first this seemed like a great breakthrough, but I’m disturbed at the reports that apparently it has no bacon in it. Still, if someone is going to use a sandwich spread without bacon, at least they can use one that’s flavored like bacon!

  • 21 Enron Hubbard on Oct 31, 2008 at 9:39 am

    Wow. What a great photo!

    Pork related thoughts on my mind, for a second there I thought they were selling soda pop called “Pig arm and Hammer Soda”.

  • 22 ShawnBoy on Oct 31, 2008 at 10:52 am

    And the angel’s did proclaim that bacon shall never be alone again.

    ” Insert heavenly music here with a song and dance number “

  • 23 ShawnBoy on Oct 31, 2008 at 10:55 am

    Phenomenon … da da dee da da …. Phenomenon …. doh doh dee doh …. Phenomenon doo doo doo doo doo….

    Insert that song and every Godzilla movie with some professor of whatever trying to explain what Godzilla is together and boom a new hit movie

    Phenomenon the Motion Picture

  • 24 Ariel on Oct 31, 2008 at 10:56 am

    I declare the bacon gods to be well pleased.

  • 25 Dames Like Her on Oct 31, 2008 at 11:34 am

    Indeed, a glorious photo. Thank you for posting the link.
    This is the kind of store where my parents used to shop for their groceries. Amazing how the picture is really not that old, but it seems like this slice of Americana is from some ancient epoch. I miss little stores like this!

  • 26 Brooke! on Oct 31, 2008 at 4:57 pm

    Actualy there is a magazine for that: “Splosh” I’d bet you could make a penny or two… I would like a 15% finders fee. *don’t ask how i know, I’d just answer PBS*

  • 27 MonkeyCheezPants on Nov 1, 2008 at 12:03 am

    Since evidently my charges of apostasy are not believed:

    http://www.jdfoods.net/images/shop/nutrition-bnaise.gif

  • 28 zaphod on Nov 3, 2008 at 9:26 am

    What about maple bacon lollipops????

    http://www.lollyphile.com/maple-bacon.php

  • 29 BrytEyz on Nov 10, 2008 at 9:42 am

    Well if you’re going to go there, then you can’t leave out the bacon chocolate…
    http://www.vosgeschocolate.com/product/bacon_exotic_candy_bar/bacon_and_chocolate

  • 30 bookgrrrl on Nov 11, 2008 at 9:31 pm

    Gentlemen, I present to you the world’s only bar with chicken fried bacon!

    http://sfist.com/2008/11/10/today_in_angioplasty.php#comments

  • 31 Poor Lucky Me on Dec 8, 2008 at 11:58 am

    Baconnaise changed my life…so did the bacon flavored chapstick they sell…

  • 32 Finally, Someone Had the Sense to Combine Bacon and Mayonnaise « Whassup, Peoples? on Feb 26, 2009 at 5:27 am

    [...] the white bread, and you are ready to rock! And they call this miracle of modern food preparation Baconnaise. [...]

  • 33 D. Leary Us on Mar 10, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    What are you… ripping off Denis Leary with the “acceptable band name” bit?

  • 34 Dirt Devil on Mar 10, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    I now pronounce you Baconnaise and Wife…you may schmear the bride.

    I have been waiting to hear those words my whole life!

  • 35 How to Get Six Pack Fast on Apr 15, 2009 at 9:10 am

    This is very up-to-date information. I’ll share it on Facebook.

  • 36 DIANNA MOHER on Apr 24, 2009 at 3:23 pm

    you guys are genuises im a vegetarian and i cant wait o try it on my blt kudos you rock! i love bacon and i have missed it. i have a suggestion for a new product dry roasted bacon peanuts! what do you think yummy!!

  • 37 e mc govern on Apr 24, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    I am with you on both counts.

  • 38 DIANNA MOHER on Apr 24, 2009 at 4:26 pm

    have some more ideas for your product:

    bacon syrup
    bacon cheese singles
    bacon peanutbutter
    popcorn
    sour cream
    jelly
    ice cream
    pickles
    bacon gatorade
    bacon cereal
    bacon hard candy
    bacon icorice
    pancakes
    waffles
    even a bacon egg whites and bacon dry roasted peanuts.

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