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Football Readiness Level

October 31st, 2008 by Mike Nelson · 22 Comments

I confess to you I have not been as ready as I ought to have been. My level of readiness for football has hovered around a pathetic 13% (12.7% 30 day avg., +/-3, IFRI*). But just today I stumbled across something that has totally turned that around.

*International Football Readiness Index

Tags: RiffTrax

22 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Hugh on Oct 31, 2008 at 9:59 am

    That video proves that Stan Laurel was the original Samuel L. Jackson.

  • 2 ShawnBoy on Oct 31, 2008 at 10:49 am

    I would almost feel sorry for the guy downstairs if he were not such a jerk. He does prove however, that proper head gear is a must when playing football. Oh and the old saying is true, keep your eyes on the ball.

    Personally I would have kicked the kid down the stairs to begin with and save a lot of trouble. Sadly that would be child abuse, besides life is too short as it is. That poor kid didn’t need anything, that the landing would have done, to stunt his growth further.

  • 3 camcat on Oct 31, 2008 at 11:45 am

    I never understood the point of football anyway. The guys wear so much body armour that you can’t get a good oogle in. Baseball is too slow to get really hot over, and those baggie basketball shorts are just sooooo unsexy. (unlike Laurel and Hardy!!) The Olympic diving was ok–at least I could fantasize about those lil ole banana hammocks staying in the pool on impact, but that’s a paltry dose of beefcake for a hormonal woman. What do the ladies do for that cheap thrill?? Where’s MY swimsuit issue??

  • 4 mathey on Oct 31, 2008 at 11:45 am

    I think that if football played something like this instead of a cattle show crossed with a slow moving wargame, the world would be a better place.

  • 5 Katie M. on Oct 31, 2008 at 12:23 pm


  • 6 RemmieBarrow on Oct 31, 2008 at 12:44 pm

    Or maybe it proves that Sammuel L. Jackson is the new Stan Laurel.

  • 7 Neb on Oct 31, 2008 at 1:37 pm

    There is more entertainment in that one Laurel & Hardy clip than in all the recordings of pro football combined, imo. I have no interest in watching grown men play children’s ballgames. Sport=horses and/or guns. Everything else is kid stuff.

  • 8 Ariel on Oct 31, 2008 at 1:41 pm

    Football is not bacon and therefore I do not like it.

  • 9 Ben on Oct 31, 2008 at 1:47 pm

    Stan Laurel is…THE EQUALIZER.

  • 10 kerry on Oct 31, 2008 at 1:49 pm

    my husband will never believe i said this, but what about rugby?

  • 11 piglet on Oct 31, 2008 at 5:29 pm

    I never noticed how much heavy breathing was involved in a Laurel & Hardy bit.

    Turns out there’s lots.

    My football readiness index has plummeted this year, as there seems to be a Quarterback Curse going around.

    It seems like they are trolling the CFL, the European League, and the local Pop Warner games for back-ups. I”m pretty much expecting the Seahawks to give me a call any day now. (That would be funnier in person.)

  • 12 Tork_110 on Oct 31, 2008 at 6:01 pm

    My IFRI was low when I found out my team would be coached by a guy named Zorn, but it’s increased due to the fact that they’ve already won more games than I figured they would win this season.

    Zorn is still a silly name.

  • 13 Kim on Oct 31, 2008 at 9:45 pm

    Despite my teams abysmal performance so far this year, my Football Readiness has now nearly doubled thanks to this!

  • 14 AmandaGal on Nov 1, 2008 at 3:59 am

    My football readiness level depends on who is listening. Actually, I don’t like football at all. Readiness level +/- 1. However, I write about it like I LOVE IT MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF quite often, because the people of my fair state love the stupid sport to the point of obsession. I hear they will actually kill you if you “diss” the “hawgs.” So, to them, my readiness level is a 70 or so. It makes people happy. But I’m living a lie, a lie I tell you.

    I even wear the occasional team shirt and blog like I really care if they lose or win. I think I’m going to hell, or maybe I’m already here. I am in Arkansas…

  • 15 Dames Like Her on Nov 1, 2008 at 4:17 am


  • 16 Amanda on Nov 1, 2008 at 12:43 pm

    Then just imagine he’s a Klingon or an alien from some distant galaxy and he’s stuck on Earth coaching a football team instead of annihilating or ruling the puny earthlings. Sort of a Krankor thing.

  • 17 Amanda on Nov 1, 2008 at 12:46 pm

    Thank you Mike. I’d forgotten how much I’d loved Stan Laurel as a young slip of a girl. I always hated Oliver, because he was such a bossy boots, but Stan always got the goods over him anyway.

  • 18 A.M.P. on Nov 1, 2008 at 8:46 pm

    I never “hated” Ollie per se, but I do know what you mean. He did tend to take his bossy boots a little too far at times. Bud Abbott sometimes had the same problem and would just come off as a mean bastard. I liked the flicks like “Way Out West” and “Block Heads” where Hardy just tries to do the nice thing and fails miserably.

  • 19 Cibernetico 2 on Nov 2, 2008 at 7:07 am

    Jeez Mike. What’s the big deal about somebody asking you if you’re ready for some football?
    I’m guessing that it has been many, many years now that you have been perplexed and troubled by the thought of a son of a country music legend asking you whether you are ready for football or not.
    What should be the theme to Monday Night Football then, if you find it so odd?
    Maybe Bosephus should just politely warn you about the oncoming of football. “Please don’t be alarmed but there is some football coming in this direction. Thank you for understanding.”
    Or perhaps he should just question your readiness for football and your manhood as well. “What?! You’re not ready for some football? What are you? Some kind of fairy? Get ready for some football, loser!”

  • 20 Mystok on Nov 3, 2008 at 9:43 am

    Further proof that Stan Laurel was not only a brilliant comedian but a wizard of the highest order. Any wizard can pull a glass of water out of a pocket, but only a great one can have ice in the other pocket.

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