Lord knows I’m no eco-warrior. I once set fire to a rain forest just to bug Sting. When he saw that I’d used Al Gore’s dogeared copy of SILENT SPRING as kindling, Sting was so upset he couldn’t have tantric sex for hours. (Which was good, since we were on a long road trip together.)
However… I just got finished raking up a yard full of leaves and putting them in plastic bags, to be picked up by trash guys in a big truck later this week. That seems like eco-madness even to me, Enemy of All That is Green and Good in This World.
But before you advise buying a mulching mower or a brace of leaf-eating goats or whatnot, please know that I feel this way every year after raking / bagging leaves, and my distaste for the task probably has more to do with me being a lazy sod.
Today was a particularly silly experience. The wind was growing ever stronger as I worked, making me into a suburban Sisyphus… raking leaves that would blow right away, as I wailed, gnashed my teeth, and — somehow — blamed Sting.
(artists’ depiction above)
26 responses so far ↓
1 Tim on Nov 17, 2008 at 1:10 pm
Bill, does you normal leaf-raking technique consist of holding up the rake with one hand while pointing at your groin with the other, as despicted in the photo?
2 Bill Corbett on Nov 17, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Yes. Very accurate.
3 Scooter on Nov 17, 2008 at 1:29 pm
The upstate New York method for getting rid of leaves: just wait until around mid-November. The snow takes over from there
4 awfulgoodmovies on Nov 17, 2008 at 1:50 pm
Well, at least HE’S wearing pants, Unlike Mr. Corbett(Drove by his house….NOT a pretty site).
5 Heather on Nov 17, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Truly, a universal predicament: http://www.thedevilspanties.com/comics/20081114.jpg
6 NanoRiffite on Nov 17, 2008 at 2:01 pm
He forgot to include the caption, which should be read with a Chicago-style accent:
“Yeah, I got your love-for-ecology — Right here buddy!”
7 Kim on Nov 17, 2008 at 2:05 pm
I know not of this leaf-raking predicament…in fact, I know not of these leaves you refer too: http://museum.utep.edu/chih/plantimage3/agavepalmeri.jpg
8 RemmieBarrow on Nov 17, 2008 at 2:06 pm
Ugh..looks like a shaved Alvin from Alvin and the Chipmunks.
9 Ben on Nov 17, 2008 at 2:31 pm
Querry: If the planet’s main problem is global warming, wouldn’t it behoove us to find a way to manually erupt one of the planet’s supervolcanoes? That way, the debris thrown into the atmosphere will cause global temperatures to plummet…presumably into the nominal range for life on this planet…and give LSD users the most wonderful sunset experiences they will ever hallucinate.
Of course, with us being AMERICA…we would use a third world supervolcano. No sense in dirtying up our country anymore than we have to, right?
10 Ben on Nov 17, 2008 at 2:31 pm
oops. Query. What was I thinking anyway???
11 Dames Like Her on Nov 17, 2008 at 2:38 pm
Huh- I never knew there was a series of “Yard Work” Hummel figurines.
Out here in California, some folks rent goats to clean up the leaf-litter.
I’m certain I can’t afford the rental fee.
12 Yanni on Nov 17, 2008 at 2:53 pm
fyi: controlled burns work wonders for removing leaves without the hassle of raking
13 Bill Corbett on Nov 17, 2008 at 3:01 pm
“Well, at least HE’S wearing pants, Unlike Mr. Corbett(Drove by his house….NOT a pretty site).”
Sorry. You’re correct about the visual, but… raking’s hard work, and it helps to be well-ventilated.
14 BEMaven on Nov 17, 2008 at 3:10 pm
You should try the Tantric method of clearing leaves. The pose was right, except for one detail: the rake should be pointing skyward.
After ritualistically gesturing at the leaves (or your groin), stamp the rake on the ground three times and recite the sacred chant:
GETOUTHEREWOMANANDHELPMEWITHTHIS!
Then wait for results.
15 chrismartindeed on Nov 17, 2008 at 3:13 pm
Interesting notion. A pity they didn’t have your input on that live action film.
16 chrismartindeed on Nov 17, 2008 at 3:26 pm
Harumph!
Here in Michigan, we have strict laws against displaying lawn ornaments that make lewd gestures.
Even with the sub-prime mortgage mess, homeowners in my state have better sense than to allow garden gnomes to turn tricks.
17 Queen Shadowrama on Nov 17, 2008 at 3:44 pm
I don’t get all the fuss with leaves. Are you like required by law to rake them? Will the Homeowner’s Association leave a severed horse head on your porch if you don’t do it? Why not just, y’know…not do it?
18 Spooky Chick on Nov 17, 2008 at 4:04 pm
Agreed. And then when spring finally shows its face again, all the leaves have decomposed.
I think that’s as about as eco-friendly as you can get.
19 Beautiful Houndstooth on Nov 17, 2008 at 4:29 pm
I’ve been in my house for 5 years and ain’t touched leaf one! I hear people speak of raking, my rake is mostly just an excellent base for some of the most intricate spider webs you’ll ever see! Seriously I oughta open a musem. Maybe it’ll earn me enough dosh to hire a gardener.
20 Barry on Nov 17, 2008 at 4:43 pm
A few years back, a fellow parked his car on top of a big pile of leaves in a municipal parking lot. The resulting fire had completely engulfed his car, severely damaged a second, and was leering evilly at a third by the time the fire department put it out.
I’m not saying this has anything to do with Bill, but I get the feeling that after a long day riffing Jingle All The Way, he probably likes to park his car directly on the lawn because it’s closer to the front door.
21 Mr. Slick on Nov 17, 2008 at 5:21 pm
I was wondering what Ricky Schroder was up to now-a-days.
22 Mr. Alexander on Nov 17, 2008 at 5:35 pm
I would refer you to the last episode of Jim Henson’s “DINOSAURS”. And then supplement it with “Godzilla vs. Biollante”. That should provide you with the full scopt of intentional volcanic eruption consequences…
23 NavarezElectro on Nov 17, 2008 at 6:35 pm
My leaves turn into mulch, and mulch is good for your lawn.
24 Ryan on Nov 17, 2008 at 8:21 pm
If I spent an entire day watching Jingle All the Way, I’d park on the driest leaves I could find and leave the car running, letting nature (and my muffler) take it’s course to alleviate my DEEEEEP HURTING.
25 Glyn on Nov 18, 2008 at 8:35 am
Why bother? Just wait for the snow to cover them up.
Please note, this method won’t work after 2012 when Minnesota will be located where Florida is now due to the earth shifting on it’s axis.
After that Mother Nature won’t provide the snow to cover up your slovenly ways.
26 フィンペシア on Oct 15, 2011 at 8:37 am
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