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Happy Thanksbacon!

November 24th, 2008 by Bill Corbett · 90 Comments

This link has been sent to me by several lovely, well-meaning people, who really don’t intend to make my children orphans. Yet that could be the result of mixing…

    1) Me.

    2) Thanksgiving.

    3) Turbaconducken. Explained below, courtesy of our friends at Bacon Today (a beautiful phrase if ever there was one).

Here it is before going in the oven: a bit weird-looking, but pleasantly stripey. And bacon is involved, so there’s no need for alarm.

all raw wrapped assembled front

And here it is after spending all day cooking slowly…

SIDE VIEW

cooked side 2

FRONT VIEW

cooked front

This is a bird that might finally finish off my ticker, and cause John Madden to spontaneously combust. But speaking for this bacophile, it looks debaconlicious.

And it begs the question: DARE we add yet another form of meat to this?

Turbaconducksteaken?

Turbaconcaponlambducken?

Turbaconmuttonduckenlotsmorebacontocoverthetasteofmutton?

Tags: RiffTrax

90 responses so far ↓

  • 1 gojikranz on Nov 24, 2008 at 7:56 pm

    definately gonna have to petition that we switch to this from now on at thanksgiving!

  • 2 NanoRiffite on Nov 24, 2008 at 8:06 pm

    One of my friends and I split some “meatza-pizza” feast. His comment after the first bite: “This Is Great! I can actually feel my arteries hardening!”

    (it was an excellent pizza, cooked just right with about five different meat toppings…)

  • 3 NavarezElectro on Nov 24, 2008 at 8:19 pm

    Bacrhinogoatbaboonarmadillohyraxvoleconbacon is what we eat. And potatoes.

  • 4 Mario "Asteroid" Panighetti on Nov 24, 2008 at 8:40 pm

    It’s hard enough finding a turkey that’s eaten a duck that’s eaten a chicken. Now I have to find one of those that also killed a pig and wore its stripped flesh as ceremonial garb?

  • 5 Su Fabie on Nov 24, 2008 at 8:41 pm

    zing!

  • 6 Rob McMonigal on Nov 24, 2008 at 8:48 pm

    Oh God, I think I need to throw up now. That’s just–wrong.

  • 7 Patrick Hogan on Nov 24, 2008 at 9:07 pm

    Actually, my dad (a former chef), has wrapped his Thanksgiving turkey in bacon for the last two Thanksgivings. It was an idea given to him by a Polish cleaning lady, and I have to say it pays off.

    Granted the bacon is removed prior to serving. It’s just to add flavor (and grease) to the turkey while cooking.

  • 8 Brian O. on Nov 24, 2008 at 11:41 pm

    Happy to help!

  • 9 Brian O. on Nov 24, 2008 at 11:46 pm

    BTW Bill, why bother with lamb, when you could shove a whole suckling pig in there?

  • 10 Brian O. on Nov 24, 2008 at 11:47 pm

    I imagine that removing the bacon 15 minutes before done would work better, it would allow the grease to drain off, and properly brown the skin of the turkey.

    I’ve got a little experience in the cooking thing.

  • 11 Setsuled on Nov 25, 2008 at 12:00 am

    Wow. Looks like Thanksgiving at David Lynch’s house.

  • 12 Ellen on Nov 25, 2008 at 12:47 am

    We came up with a ostturduckachickquailhenpigerowhummmmmmm. You start with an ostrich and end with a sparrow and a hummingbird. It’s pronounce just like it’s spelled.
    You have to chew it up well before you swallow. Get it? Swallow?!? AH-hahahaha!

  • 13 Dames Like Her on Nov 25, 2008 at 4:02 am

    I’d hate to see THAT thing stand up and dance!

  • 14 chrismartindeed on Nov 25, 2008 at 4:26 am

    But do you know why
    It swallowed the fly?

    Maybe it’ll die.

  • 15 BEMaven on Nov 25, 2008 at 4:29 am

    What it needs is Spam.

    Spam.

    Spam.

    Spam.

    Spam.

    Great Spam.

    Wonderful Spam.

  • 16 Deviled Egg on Nov 25, 2008 at 5:12 am

    Well my moms made a similar poultry dish using a whole skinless chicken. The bacon gets really crispy. Id imagine if you made this you’d want to remove the skin first.

  • 17 Ben on Nov 25, 2008 at 5:14 am

    How about bacon wrapped pork chops stuffed with ham?

    What does redundant mean?

  • 18 Ninjew on Nov 25, 2008 at 5:41 am

    I’ve been to some Thanksgiving dinners where they’ve mixed Bacon and other meats into the stuffing that goes inside the bird (I mention this, as some “purists” prefer to cook stuffing in a separate container – which I argue no longer makes it “stuffing”).

    BaconBolognaSalamiStuffing really ain’t too bad, I must say…

  • 19 Fnord on Nov 25, 2008 at 6:12 am

    It’s a headcrab!

    Someone get a crowbar!

  • 20 mrbasehart on Nov 25, 2008 at 6:35 am

    The first one looks like it’s about to jump onto my face and force an alien egg down my throat.

  • 21 Adam on Nov 25, 2008 at 6:55 am

    Yes.

    YES.

    YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

    The world needs more things like this.

  • 22 Auntie Maim on Nov 25, 2008 at 6:57 am

    oooo, and just imagine the gravy you could make from those drippings!

  • 23 Laughing Sal on Nov 25, 2008 at 7:03 am

    The first thing I thought of when I saw that- thing– was this:
    http://www.darkwebonline.com/images/fiend%20without%20a%20face.gif

  • 24 Tom on Nov 25, 2008 at 7:04 am

    Harden my arteries? That thing looks like it could harden the arteries of 10 square block area!

  • 25 seanf on Nov 25, 2008 at 7:38 am

    Too much turkey. Not enough bacon.

  • 26 awfulgoodmovies on Nov 25, 2008 at 7:58 am

    Joe Don Baker has looked better.

  • 27 Nick Fechter on Nov 25, 2008 at 8:26 am

    What better way to kick-off Thanksgiving with an explosive heart attack! :D

  • 28 Scarlett on Nov 25, 2008 at 8:30 am

    Why am I reminded of Silence of the Lambs and envisioning the turkey talking to itself as it dons the bacon strips before standing in front of a full length mirror?

    No, really, that’s pretty troubling. The Silence of the Lambs thing, not the Turbacoducken. Growing up in Texas and having traveled to many of the Southern states, the concept that meat is a season and a condiment is pretty common. Honestly, I’m just waiting for the day that someone figures out how to put a Turbacoducken in the doughnut mix and come up with the the largest, meat-filled doughnut hole in existence.

  • 29 Scarlett on Nov 25, 2008 at 8:33 am

    Sorry about the typo. I meant using meat as a seasoning. Meat is never limited to just one season

    I definitely need more coffee…

  • 30 Laura on Nov 25, 2008 at 8:45 am

    I guess I’m the only one in the world who doesn’t like bacon :( . I’m sick of turkey! We just cooked eight for a family member’s wedding! What dare I eat for this Thanksgiving, then?

  • 31 Nick Fechter on Nov 25, 2008 at 10:25 am

    Umm….duck? :\

  • 32 Laughing Sal on Nov 25, 2008 at 10:54 am

    Sour cream burritos and fluffernutters!

  • 33 Enron Hubbard on Nov 25, 2008 at 11:43 am

    All the tofu hot dog mummies with baby kaka green pus sauce that weren’t quite the hit you hoped they might be and are left over from Hallowe’en?

  • 34 awfulgoodmovies on Nov 25, 2008 at 12:12 pm

    Ooops! I meant Joe Don Bacon….busy day at work…

  • 35 BEMaven on Nov 25, 2008 at 12:54 pm

    Not an alien egg. Just the cranberry jelly.

    The ultimate in self-serving.

  • 36 chrismartindeed on Nov 25, 2008 at 1:00 pm

    I will not eat them in moving trains

    I will not let them clog my veins

    I will not eat them in parking lots

    I will not let them generate clots

    I will not eat them while drinking Coke

    I will not let them induce a stroke

    I will not eat green eggs and Turbaconducken

  • 37 Auntie Maim on Nov 25, 2008 at 1:26 pm

    Infidel! Nonbeliever!

    Thanks; more for the rest of us!

    Love,
    Sam I Ain’t

  • 38 RemmieBarrow on Nov 25, 2008 at 1:51 pm

    Well, after that add some Spam bacon….(is there such a thing as spam bacon?)

  • 39 Queen Shadowrama on Nov 25, 2008 at 2:08 pm

    Oh man, how am I going to convince my parents that wrapping our turkey in bacon is a good idea?

    Surely there are helpful pamphlets out there that help you talk to your family about this sort of thing?

  • 40 Nick Fechter on Nov 25, 2008 at 3:11 pm

    Are you kiddin’ me!? That thing looks like Gary Busey’s liver….and if you eat it you’ll probably turn into Gary Busey! 8(

  • 41 Melman on Nov 25, 2008 at 7:19 pm

    This is little more than a way of asserting our dominance over the animal kingdom.

  • 42 Patrick Hogan on Nov 25, 2008 at 11:56 pm

    Brian, that may be very well what he does. I’m usually in the dining room on my fifth glass of wine and explaining to my nephews that there is in fact a New Mexico, and why their uncle lives there.

  • 43 Barry on Nov 26, 2008 at 3:03 am

    Deep fry it. But please, do it outside, away from wooden structures or other flammable objects.

    We deep fried a plain old turkey one year, and while the result looked pretty heinous, OH MY GAWD it was delicious!

  • 44 Clambake on Nov 26, 2008 at 3:34 am

    Hey Bill, just wanted to to take this opportunity to say Happy Thankgiving, Turkey Volume Guessing Man!

  • 45 Nick Fechter on Nov 26, 2008 at 5:02 am

    Yeah I can imagine how dangerous deep frying that monstrosity would be. If you make even the slightest mistake then you’ll probably end up on a cell phone comericial! 8(

  • 46 filthyrichmond.com on Nov 26, 2008 at 10:46 am

    Eww, that bacon is going to taste like turkey!

    Thanksgiving is on at FilthyRichmond.com

  • 47 Egcagrac0 on Nov 26, 2008 at 10:52 am

    You are correct. If it’s not cooked in the bird, it’s dressing, not stuffing.

    Still tasty tho.

  • 48 Looney on Nov 26, 2008 at 11:15 am

    I just had my second Heart Attack looking at the pics.

  • 49 Happy Thanksbacon - Atkins Diet on Nov 26, 2008 at 11:29 am

    [...] of the stereotypical Atkins Dieter and the myth of the "ALL BACON ALL THE TIME" diet. Happy Thanksbacon! I would eat this tough, at least a leg. __________________ 223/180/170 Male Owl Rung [...]

  • 50 Rowsdower on Nov 26, 2008 at 3:37 pm

    My thoughts exactly

  • 51 R.A. Roth on Nov 26, 2008 at 4:51 pm

    I like to wrap my underwear in bacon and deep fry it in bacon grease. Is that wrong?

    Randy

  • 52 tom on Nov 26, 2008 at 8:29 pm

    I love bacon, bacon and eggs, and my favorite – blt or club sandwich. But that thing looks like a very bad comb over.

  • 53 Ina on Nov 26, 2008 at 9:15 pm

    mmmmm bacon. . .

  • 54 A Few Short Shots » Pirate’s Cove — Avast, Sea Dogs! on Nov 27, 2008 at 6:17 am

    [...] a PS: would anyone care for a heart attack for Thanksgiving? If so, here is your bird. Sphere: Related Content If you liked my post, feel free to subscribe to my rss feeds. Don’t [...]

  • 55 A Few Short Shots : Stop The ACLU on Nov 27, 2008 at 6:19 am

    [...] Oh, a PS: would anyone care for a heart attack for Thanksgiving? If so, here is your bird. [...]

  • 56 Brian O. on Nov 27, 2008 at 9:16 am

    Actually, I have seen bacon flavored Spam in the store. True story.

  • 57 OHFACE on Nov 27, 2008 at 3:23 pm

    Ha!! -hifive-

  • 58 Foghorn Leghorn on Nov 27, 2008 at 3:36 pm

    Well, I tell you boy! I don’t see the humor in this at all, no I sure don’t!

  • 59 Happy Thanksbacon! (And The First Edition Bactionary) | Bacon Today on Nov 27, 2008 at 6:01 pm

    [...] Thanksgiving bonus. ‘Thanksbacon’ was brought into this world by Bill Corbett of the Rifftrax Blog just a few days ago while he was sharing our Turbaconducken™ article with his readers. [...]

  • 60 Jackie on Nov 28, 2008 at 5:24 am

    It does have kind of a swirly pattern appeal to it.

  • 61 Brian O. on Nov 28, 2008 at 5:54 am

    Mmm, Eraserhead Turkey.

  • 62 Sandy on Nov 28, 2008 at 4:43 pm

    Ninjew: very cool name. Made me laugh the same as Kinky Friedman and the Texas Jewboys did in the ’60s. God, I miss NY….

  • 63 thistledown on Nov 29, 2008 at 11:51 am

    My heart just exploded looking at that. Ow.

  • 64 Geena on Dec 1, 2008 at 3:40 pm

    But I’m not an alien.

  • 65 Regretablydrunk on Dec 1, 2008 at 4:42 pm

    ROFLOLWICSB(Rolling on floor, laughing out loud wishing i could stop and breathe.) at the comment pat. I can hear the questions now, “Uncky Patrick, whats wrong with Old Mexico?”
    Brian O= Experience with cooking& writing pric#ish responses!
    Give Thanks!

  • 66 Kirbi on Dec 5, 2008 at 9:35 am

    But wait! You can’t enjoy the greasy crispy goodness of Turkey skin. No problem! Instead of wrapping the turkey with bacon, separate the skin from the meat and insert bacon slices between the skin and the meat prior to cooking. But wait! There’s more… cook whatever bacon you can’t fit along with another pound or 2 or 3 and set aside. Soak bread slices in bacon fat – these will be used for stuffing. Don’t forget to include the cooked bacon in the stuffing mixture. The nice thing about this is you are open to traditional oven cooking or for a more modern feel – deep fry the turkey. Be sure to have your heart meds prescriptions filled early.

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