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It’s-a me, Ridiculous Dialogue!

December 12th, 2008 by Conor Lastowka · 48 Comments


The list of Super Mario related quotes I just stumbled across has some real doozies on it.  The fact that many of them are probably rough translations makes it all the better.  There are no sources provided, and anyone can submit one, but even if quotes like these are fake, I still salute the effort it took to come up with the quote and to attribute it to a Mario character.  Many of these sound like they were found in a fortune cookie, then babel fish translated to chinese, then back to American, where they were then printed on t-shirts and discovered by, and I’m sure they’re much funnier in this form than they would be in context

  •  ”Hey, maybe we’ll see you on PBS!”
  •  ”You know what they say – all toasters toast toast!”
  •  ”Catfish pizza? This may be a first, but I’m not hungry!”
  •  ”Everybody’s got tap water!”
  •  ”Whoops! I just invented the tossed salad!”
  •  ”Oh, no! The Princess is being forced to listen to a debate by two Shy Guys about the names for the little things on the end of your shoelaces!”
  •  ”You better get a lawyer or get us out of this chicken coop!”
  • “Mamma mia! The cruel meatball of war has a-rolled onto our laps, and a-ruined our white pants of peace.”
  •  ”Why do salesmen always have such bouncy personalities?”
  •  ”I never saw so many tonsils in all my life!”
  •  ”Sticky juice! The stickier the sauce, the better I like it!”
  •  ”Brave men die a single death; cowards marry fish-head mermaids!”
  •  ”YIKES! Now we’re ALL gondolas!”
  •  ”Well, like they say in Brooklyn, early to bed, early to catch the worm. Or is it the bagel?”
  •  ”Looks are deceiving, when Koopas are involved!”

Please note that this is a very partial sample. If there are any other gems I’ve missed, please let us know.

Tags: RiffTrax · video games

48 responses so far ↓

  • 1 RemmieBarrow on Dec 12, 2008 at 3:30 pm

    MAMA MIA…I don’t get it?…Oh Dear…Super Trouper, lights are gonna find-…..(head explodes)

  • 2 Nick Fechter on Dec 12, 2008 at 3:58 pm

    Toad-stool #1: Dear God! Bowser has captured the princess! What are we going to do!?

    Toad-stool #2: There has to be knight or something that could rescue her!

    Toad-stool #1: What the *@#$% do you mean by a knight!? We live in a #$%@ kingdom that ruled by mushrooms! There aren’t any @#$%* knights around!

    Toad-stool #2: But there has to be SOMEBODY! Get the ad listings! Maybe there’s something in there!

    (Toad-stool #1 gets the phone-book and rapidly starts flipping through it)

    Toad-stool #1: Hey, there is something here! Look: “Powerful and brave knight for hire. Can rescue princesses and slay dragons that look suspicously like giant turtles. Call 455-565-HERE WE GOOOOOOO!”

    Toad-stool #2: He sounds perfect! Give me the phone!

    (The Toad-stools call him and set up a meeting, and the next day they sit in front of the castle gates waiting for their knight to arrive)

    Toad-stool #2: Oh were is he!? He said he’d be here at 2:00 and he’s already 40 minutes late!

    Toad-stool #1: I knew there weren’t any %&$#@ knights in the kingdom!

    Toad-stool #2: No wait! Here he comes!

    (Off in the distant the Toad-stools could see a small red blur bouncing swiftly towards them. He lands right in front of the Toad-stools creating a small dust cloud, but when the dust clears they an immediate expression of horror plagues their faces)

    Mario: Its’a me! Lets’a get ready to cap some turle mutha-@#$%&! NAW-MEAN!?

    Toad-stools in unison: Oh God….

  • 3 Slade Rockfist on Dec 12, 2008 at 4:08 pm

    How dare you, sir, besmudge my beloved Super Mario Bros. Super Show!!

  • 4 chrismartindeed on Dec 12, 2008 at 4:11 pm

    You left out the pithy bon mot from the live action movie—

    “Sir, the Goombas are dancing again.”

  • 5 BEMaven on Dec 12, 2008 at 4:15 pm

    How exactly does one stumble across quotes from the Mario Bros?

    Were you gathering notes for an address to a plumbers union?

  • 6 DestyNova on Dec 12, 2008 at 6:34 pm

    One of those…the “All toasters toast toast!” is from a CG-I (the Philips CG-I, a massive, all-round failure) game called Hotel Mario.

    And the one about the “cruel meatball of a-war” IS technically a Mario quote…but it’s Mario as portrayed by Maurice LaMarche in a Futurama parody.

    And I can pick about 4 of those from the various cartoon incarnations.

    See? Youse gotta be a nerd to catch this crap.

  • 7 Meredith on Dec 12, 2008 at 6:41 pm

    aww, I wanted to point out the quote from Futurama.

    Also, the little things on the end of shoelaces are called anglets. If anyone was wondering. Which you almost certainly weren’t, but still.

  • 8 Enron Hubbard on Dec 12, 2008 at 7:28 pm

    I’m just wondering why everybody is ignoring the elephant in the room that the picture looks a heckuva lot like Kevin.

  • 9 ShutterBun on Dec 12, 2008 at 10:25 pm

    Aglets, no “N”.


  • 10 ShutterBun on Dec 12, 2008 at 10:30 pm

    Eh, more like Avery Schreiber and Kevin’s love child. Which is infinitely more disturbing.

  • 11 Butterbeard on Dec 12, 2008 at 10:57 pm

    Are you two Shy Guys?

  • 12 Kleenex on Dec 12, 2008 at 11:08 pm

    ”Whoops! I just invented the tossed salad!” That DEMANDS to be worn ironicly on a t-shirt. Quick, to Cafe Press!

  • 13 Conor Lastowka on Dec 12, 2008 at 11:27 pm

    Wow, that only took about four hours. I was wondering…

  • 14 Conor Lastowka on Dec 12, 2008 at 11:28 pm

    Yeah, the meatball one seemed a bit too intentionally goofy. I don’t recall the specific Futurama episode though.

  • 15 Krepta on Dec 13, 2008 at 2:21 am

    This is why Nintendo doesn’t want their feature characters talking anymore. Mario hasn’t spoken a full sentence since 1996.

    They actually riffed on that in one of the Paper Mario games… at one point Mario has his identity stolen. Like, he’s not even Mario anymore, he’s just a purple shadow that no one can see. If he goes into the town near where this happens, he finds the thief wearing his face and talking to all of Mario’s friends, who are saying, “Wow, Mario, when did you get to be such a chatterbox?”

  • 16 chrismartindeed on Dec 13, 2008 at 5:28 am

    Kevin? Never!

    The man who once orchestrated the New Year’s Watermelon Drop at KTMA (under the alias Bob Bagadonuts) had far too much dignity to go around hawking some juvenile game.

    My theory is that Mario was played by some guy in the Witness Protection Program.

  • 17 DestyNova on Dec 13, 2008 at 1:20 pm

    Conor: Futurama episode “Anthology of Interest II.” Where Fry lives his favorite video games.

  • 18 R.A. Roth on Dec 13, 2008 at 1:23 pm

    Mario: “Imma so sorry I ran over your-a big floppy breasts!”


  • 19 Meredith on Dec 13, 2008 at 1:35 pm

    Aglets, no “N”.

    Damn. This is why I’ve got to stop treating Google as a spellcheck. Oh well, I was still nerdy enough to know that there was a word.

  • 20 Ninjacat on Dec 14, 2008 at 11:24 am

    The movie is worse. Much worse.
    I’m pretty sure Dennis Hopper actually says, “Ba-ba!”

  • 21 Ike on Dec 15, 2008 at 5:27 am

    It’s “Bomb-omb”.

  • 22 Coderjoe on Dec 15, 2008 at 4:18 pm

    It’s actually “Bob-omb”.

  • 23 Brian O. on Dec 17, 2008 at 12:24 am

    “Mamma mia! The cruel meatball of war has a-rolled onto our laps, and a-ruined our white pants of peace.”

    That came from a Futurama episode, but it’s entirely fair you swipe their joke, they ripped off the Lord of the Rings Morks riff in Bender’s Game, after all.

  • 24 Jason on Apr 23, 2010 at 4:45 pm

    Hello, I’m Jason, and I’m from Diagnosis Murder =)

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