155 responses so far ↓

• 1 Ariel on Dec 15, 2008 at 10:27 am

  Best picture of bacon!

• 2 Montagthemagician on Dec 15, 2008 at 10:34 am

  Since the thought of egg nog makes me sick, think of a alcohol laced drink that can replace egg nog during the holiday season. It should be kept in a large punch bowl and if you can include bacon flavored vodka, all the better.

• 3 MonkeyCheezPants on Dec 15, 2008 at 10:40 am

  Would it be too post-modern to suggest, for the contest contest, a contest to come up with a contest?

  No, that’s not postmodern. Just recursive. And lazy.

• 4 James Shearhart on Dec 15, 2008 at 10:47 am

  Best novelty song about the state quarters sung in the best Kevin Murphy sing-y voice whilst drinking a fine microbrewed beer and manipulating a puppet of Joey Pants made from bacon posted of one’s own free will on YouTube in light-hearted competition against Paul and Storm. That also makes fun of Mike.

• 5 James Shearhart on Dec 15, 2008 at 10:50 am

  That is, a video of you singing aforementioned song posted of one’s own free will on YouTube, etc etc….

• 6 jerk on Dec 15, 2008 at 11:12 am

  Whoever can drink the most soda without belching (or beers even)

  Whoever can listen to Schappi the longest with headphones without tearing them off in insanity

  Best art piece using bacon (sculpture, canvas, etc)

  Whoever collects the most money singing on the street with a hat on the ground (this may have ethical implications)

  A contestant is given a certain amount of time (a week perhaps) to memorize a famous poem or speech and recite it back as best they can

• 7 Auntie Maim on Dec 15, 2008 at 11:26 am

  Script, cast and shoot a short film piece highlighting a serious social issue, then provide a musical Rifftrax track to go with it.

• 8 Smuttynose on Dec 15, 2008 at 11:33 am

  Ask a poignant question in which the most ridiculous, stupid and lazy answer actually is the most enlightening, sublime and correct.

• 9 Enron Hubbard on Dec 15, 2008 at 11:39 am

  Sure, we all know that The Dark Knight was The Greatest Film of All Time, but when Warner tried to capitalize on its success with a novelty record, they discovered that they had gone too far.

  Songs like Chico Marx’s “Harvey Dent, where-a you face went?” only served to enrage fans instead of drawing them closer into Warner’s corporate bosom.

  Your task is to provide the track listing for “Knights in Black Rubber: Batman’s Moody Tunes”

• 10 Laura on Dec 15, 2008 at 11:41 am

  The best puns made for the most unriffable picture you can find. All genuine puns, even if it’s just a picture of a blade of grass, come up with your own. Don’t steal anything from any comedian.

  or

  The person to come up with the most unbelievable reason as to why they can’t afford to buy a Rifftrax track. Two examples:
  1) I can’t buy it because my parents put a tiger between me and my credit card and I only know the first four numbers, and I’ve never bought anything off the internet before.
  2) I’m using my cash to buy more gold in World of Warcraft, to hire a Chinese Gold Farmer to get me more gold in World of Warcraft and to buy an Honor Point farming bot in World of Warcraft. Virtual gold is worth more than real money, anyways.

• 11 jerk on Dec 15, 2008 at 11:49 am

  That last contest I mentioned would be perfect if it was the Gettysburg address, and you had to dress up, and perhaps, if there was some drinking involved.

• 12 Tim on Dec 15, 2008 at 12:37 pm

  I don’t know…

  Can any of us really compete with the above-pictured “Dress Like Don Ho And Urinate Into a Tall Glass” contest?

  —Tim

• 13 Ben on Dec 15, 2008 at 12:38 pm

  Create a movie vehicle for Jason Statham, Steven Seagal, ED-209 from the Robocop movies and the holy key from the movie “Demon Knight”. The movie cannot be based on any video game or you will be hunted down and beaten to death with a non-functioning Sony PS2.

• 14 awfulgoodmovies on Dec 15, 2008 at 12:56 pm

  CONTEST!!!1

  Rules:

  1. Contestants must write 5 POSITIVE things to say about director M. Night Shyamalan and his films.

  2. The contestant best judged to have shown Mr. M. Night Shyamalan in a positive light, will be declared the WINNER and must eat a shaved Goat testicle.

  3. Losers will have peace of mind, clarity and stress relief…..but shall go hungry.

  4. The contestant judged to have produced the best character sketch of said, M. Night Shyamalan, shall be awarded an award.

  That’s it Folks! Good Luck!

  **Warning: No goats were harmed for this contest!**(we found the deceased goat in a field)

• 15 Nick Fechter on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:16 pm

  Contest:

  Who ever thinks of the most suitable punishment for Bill’s part in creating another Eddie Murphy stink-wad (if it hasn’t already been done before) wins.

  Sorry Bill, but you deserve it.

• 16 Bill Corbett on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:19 pm

  NOTE: Being a dick to the judge does not help.

• 17 Tv Miller on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:22 pm

  Six Degrees of Bacon.

• 18 NavarezElectro on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:25 pm

  How many fish can you name?

• 19 Tv Miller on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:27 pm

  Who’s Nick Fechter?

• 20 Ninjew on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:28 pm

  Y’know, as the year comes to an end, it occurs to me that we haven’t had a lot to celebrate.

  No, I don’t mean that there haven’t been an adequate amount of notable positives in our lives or in world events, I’m referring to the amount of actual celebratory events on the calendar.

  Sure, we have President’s Day, MLK Day Veteran’s Day, and Talk Like A Pirate Day, but there really aren’t enough artificially (or revenue driven) created holidays out there for us to enjoy.

  Your job: Come up with a NEW holiday for us all to enjoy, and just HOW we all should properly indulge in the festivities. It should be based on a historical figure or event, or perhaps even a religious occurrence that hasn’t yet been exploited for financial gain.

  For example – “E.R. (Economic Recession) DAY ”

  “Every year on E.R. Day, we all go out and foolishly lend large sums of money to people, knowing full well that there is very little chance that we will ever be paid back. Then we go to Washington, D.C. and get the government to give us the cash we lost!”

  Remember, I need a *good* reason to buy someone a video game system, or to eat and drink to excess! Now get to work!

• 21 Dames Like Her on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:32 pm

  Ceci n’est pas une contest.

• 22 Enron Hubbard on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:34 pm

  Suggested refinement: Winner must upload video of him/herself reciting names of fish impersonating Christopher Guest’s character in Best in Show.

• 23 Laughing Sal on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:39 pm

  How about “A Day in the Life of Tor Johnson”?
  10 am: get up and make it to the bathroom
  10.30 am: eat creamed herring while reading Stockholm News
  11.30 am call agent and find out if there are any jobs for terrifyingly huge bald guys who can’t speak English well
  12.00 noon get phone call from friend in Trondheim
  12.30 pm trade enormous pajamas for enormous track suit and size 18 tennis shoes
  12.45 pm contemplate walking around block
  1 pm lunch: black bread, pickled onions, creamed herring, fried potatoes, lager
  etc….

• 24 Enron Hubbard on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:41 pm

  In case anybody doesn’t know what I’m talking about:

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6i9Mcj-pUaI

• 25 Laughing Sal on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:41 pm

  I mean the best conjecture of what a day in the life of Tor Johnson would consist of. Sorry to sidestep guidelines.
  Skal!

• 26 RemmieBarrow on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:44 pm

  (3. Losers will have peace of mind, clarity and stress relief…..but shall go hungry.)

  I need to go on a diet anyway.

• 27 Dames Like Her on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:46 pm

  OOoohhh fishie, fishie, FISH!
  ["it's behind the cupboard!!"]

• 28 Nihilisto on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:47 pm

  You know, the screenwriter. He wrote uh- ahhh- um…

• 29 Mr. Slick on Dec 15, 2008 at 1:58 pm

  Guess how many mites live ine Kevin’s beard!

• 30 Kim on Dec 15, 2008 at 2:03 pm

  Best recipe/dish involving bacon and some form of alcohol.

• 31 EJIEHI on Dec 15, 2008 at 2:23 pm

  Create the lowest “rated” cut on the site.

  Must be lower than 3 star.

• 32 Anthony on Dec 15, 2008 at 2:43 pm

  Come up with the most believable, complex historical personage who is no way actually historical, but explain in depth who they are, who they;re related to, and why popular history doesn’t often mention them despite their clearly very important impact. …And be funny bout it if you’re not too damn lazy.

• 33 Festus Mcracken on Dec 15, 2008 at 2:53 pm

  Find how many President’s of the United States articles on Wikipedia have less citations/references than the article on Star Wars: The Phantom Menace.

• 34 Steve-O on Dec 15, 2008 at 3:06 pm

  Fechter? He hardly knew ‘er!

• 35 Steve-O on Dec 15, 2008 at 3:13 pm

  Take a 2-3 minute clip from the RiffTrax of your choice. The clip must be left completely intact; no editing allowed.

  Now record your own video to go along with the clip so that the RiffTrax both makes sense and is funny.

  Entries are judged on humor, originality, and spunk. Bonus points for cameos by Joey Pants, Shane MacGowan, or the Sexman.

• 36 Steve-O on Dec 15, 2008 at 3:16 pm

  Important clarification: When I said your video should include spunk, I meant chutzpah. Not, uh… the other thing.

• 37 michael on Dec 15, 2008 at 3:18 pm

  How about a contest to see who can have the largest Rifftrax viewing/party/shindig/event thing?

  You know, a way to get together with other fans (there has to be another name for us, btw…maybe that should be the contest) and a way to expose others to the joys o’ riffing.

  I know, I know…it’s a little lame but think about: good (read feasible) chance of actually being done; gets the word out about Rifftrax; and you can drink beer and eat bacon without shame!!!

• 38 James Shearhart on Dec 15, 2008 at 3:21 pm

  I gotta ‘nuther one – Three folk gotta re-enact their favorite Film Crew “host segment/bumper/break” and post it on YouTube. For reals. Like they mean it. Likeness, Set Design, and Vocal Accuracy count. THis *will* be on the final.

  See, I envision a Rocky Horror-type acting-out thingy for The Film Crew – Projected on a big screen, and three individuals dress up and act out the parts on a stage below the screen. Sure, no one saw the Crew, but that’s where the creativity comes in! It’ll be the Next Big Thing! It’ll replace going to see The Misfits on Halloween for Status Points!

• 39 michael on Dec 15, 2008 at 3:23 pm

  If a movie sucks, blame the director, not the writer.

• 40 michael on Dec 15, 2008 at 3:29 pm

  *Exception* — Twister

• 41 James Shearhart on Dec 15, 2008 at 3:30 pm

  No, wait, I got it. Beer. Microbrews based on the Rifftrax Crew. A Mike Pilsner. A Kevin Stout (sorry, too easy). A Bill Blonde. A DisembAudio Ale. A Bacon-flavored Conor Lambic. Contestants must brew and submit within a given timeframe, and the Judges must drink in Live Streaming Video. The Judges being, of course, the Subjects of the Beers.

• 42 michael on Dec 15, 2008 at 3:40 pm

  Hmmmm…I like it, I like it. Any IPA’s?

• 43 James Shearhart on Dec 15, 2008 at 3:48 pm

  NoNoNo, I got it! Sock puppets! Sock puppets of the Rifftrax guys, and ya gotta do the voices! No, wait, let me back up. You *video* yerselves with the sock puppet Rifftrax guys, *doing* the riffs while watching a given Riffed movie, in *their* voices, so it’s like we *see* them, and *hear* them, in an *imitated* *way*! So, like, you *video* the teevee as you *imitate* the *vocals* and *manipulate* the *puppets*! And then put it on YouTube….

• 44 James Shearhart on Dec 15, 2008 at 4:05 pm

  And make fun of Mike….
  I dunno, maybe it’s a Goth-Icky revenge thing or something. Bite me, Mike Nelson. No, that’s not fair, I really liked Death Rat. That’s not it. Maybe it’s because I saw you make an illegal U-turn across a double yellow line in front of that comedy club in San Francisco before a Rifftrax gig, you know the name of the club I mean (’cause I can’t). Oh, I know what it is. I’ve been drinking, and I’m on teh internets. I think I saw a film in junior high about this, something about not touching Enter without protection or something, “Click Only When You’re Clean” or something, I dunno. Maybe the next contest should be figuring out what the hell I’m talking about. Or Who Can Induce Alcohol Poisoning In Me By Way Of Smooth Ales Fastest….

• 45 James Shearhart on Dec 15, 2008 at 4:06 pm

  Thank you, tip yer waitresses. Ya know, this is all only to generate more hits on my blog. You do know this, yes?

• 46 Nick Fechter on Dec 15, 2008 at 4:09 pm

  Ugh…..please forgive my rudeness Bill, it’s the middle of mid-term week at my high-school and I’m already stressed out as it is. Its just that I heard about this recently and I was shocked that one of my most favorite writers of all time wrote for a movie starring EDDIE MURPHY, POSSIBLY ONE OF THE WORST ACTORS OF ALL TIME!

• 47 Nick Fechter on Dec 15, 2008 at 4:19 pm

  *Sigh* well anyway, I’m deeply apologize for what I said, and I’m willing to chanel all my rage and blam towards the director (who apparently couldn’t even garner humor even if he was dangling from a pit of acid and he had five-minutes to come up with a joke or else the rope would break which would and then Eddie Murphy would try to save him by taking a diving leap to catch him but his fat-suit weighs him down and he falls into the acid with the director and they both die)

  I’m just holding out on the outcome of my Math mid-term, please-please-please-please-please-please-please-please-please-please-please be merciful o dear sweet loving lord jesus!

• 48 NanoRiffite on Dec 15, 2008 at 4:27 pm

  Actually Eddie has been in a few good movies. And “Meet Dave” wasn’t all *that* bad, even if it did poorly at the box office. The original writers get their name up in lights (perhaps to throw snowballs at), but studio’s always “help” the movie along by having a horde of ghost-writers “improve” some of the lines.

• 49 Karen Han on Dec 15, 2008 at 4:29 pm

  How about who is the best riffer? Mike ?Bill? Kevin?

• 50 RemmieBarrow on Dec 15, 2008 at 4:33 pm

  OOOOOOH…..I know…100,000,009 mites?

• 51 NanoRiffite on Dec 15, 2008 at 4:33 pm

  The person who reviews the most iRiffs wins.

  Okay, that sucks, but then that’s why they have Bill write blog contests instead of computer programmers like me.

• 52 Nick Fechter on Dec 15, 2008 at 4:39 pm

  I knoooow, Eddie Murphy was in that movie “The Nutty Professor” which I liked, but “The Adventures of Pluto Nash”!?, “Dr. Dolittle”!?, “NORBIT”!?……. SERIOUSLY! “NORBIT”!?

  And for a third time, I’m very sorry Bill, and to all fellow riffers who I may have offended. I know after this the ghost of Crow is going to appear in my door knob to tell me that three more ghosts are coming to make me repent for my crimes.

• 53 BEMaven on Dec 15, 2008 at 4:50 pm

  Here’s the concept:

  MIKE MYERS SHAGS HISTORY CONTEST

  In a casting coup worthy of producers Bialystock and Bloom, a movie studio has tapped the remarkably un-Teutonic Tom Cruise to portray a German officer who directed a failed attempt on Hitler’s life during World War Two.

  In the newly unleashed ‘Valkyrie’, Cruise essays the role of Claus von Stauffenberg, a duty-driven Wehrmacht Colonel whose battle injuries cost him lost one eye, one hand, and (in a bit of revisionist history) use of his German accent.

  While certainly audacious, the choice to go with the Cruisemeister pays short shrift to the one raging talent in Hollywood who will wrap his tongue around any ethnic dialogue for maximum impact… Mike Myers.

  I therefore put it to you: Describe a gripping historic event/character worthy of big screen treatment by Mr. Myers, including any nuances that will help him fill out the role.

  Adding Verne Troyer to the supporting cast will not necessary.

• 54 James Shearhart on Dec 15, 2008 at 4:57 pm

  Everyone knows the Best Riffer is the one who Last Spoke….

• 55 NanoRiffite on Dec 15, 2008 at 5:00 pm

  Another movie script idea:

  Have to come up with a movie script where Christopher Walken teams up with a colony of ants to save the world from some dire fate. Dennis Hopper to co-star as some kind of comic relief side-kick. Include Walter Koenig playing his role of “Bester” from Babylon 5. Bester could be either on the side of the good guys or the bad guys, but the story does not include him reading the minds of the ants (as that would be pretty silly).

• 56 Bill Corbett on Dec 15, 2008 at 6:01 pm

  Nick, don’t worry about it. Really no big deal.

  Good luck on your test.

• 57 Anthony on Dec 15, 2008 at 6:02 pm

  A contest where whoever convinces Bill to do a Rifftrax/meta-commentary on Meet Dave wins.

• 58 Anthony on Dec 15, 2008 at 6:13 pm

  Specifically I’d like to hear where the original script differentiates from the final product. It must be done.

• 59 MikeP on Dec 15, 2008 at 6:23 pm

  Choose the perfect Christmas present for a character or actor in a Rifftrax movie (or even the Riffclown of your choice). In 200 words or less, describe why yours is the perfect gift.

• 60 mgroves on Dec 15, 2008 at 6:29 pm

  Best suggestion of the least desirable guest Riffer ever, as nominated from suggestions by the main 3 Riffers, and voted on by Rifftrax fans.

  Complicated? Yes. A lot of work? Yes. Asking questions and answering them? Yes.

• 61 Nick Fechter on Dec 15, 2008 at 6:33 pm

  Thank you for your forgiveness. I-

  (At that moment a huge hulking brown monster crashes through the front of my house, and to my utter horror I realize who it is)

  Rasputia: HOW YOU DOIN’!?

  Me: Oh God! Please, I’m-

  Rasputia: ITS TO LATE FOR THAT BITCH! I HEARD WHAT’CHA SAID ABOUT MY MOVIES! NOW IT’S TIME TO DIE!!!
  HRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!

  (Rasputia grabs me by the neck and choke-slams me into my piano, then she picks me back up and pile-drives me into my dining-room table, then she takes the sandwhich that she incased in the folds of her fat and shoves it into my mouth as she hammer-tosses me into my christmas tree, then she takes the baby Jesus from the Nativity Set that my family set up and shoves it up my you-know-what)

  Rasputia: NOW IF I EVER HEAR YOU TALKIN’ BAD ABOUT MY MOVIES AGAIN I’LL SHOVE MY CANKLE SO FAR UP-YA ASS THAT YOU BE TASTIN’ CHITLITS! HOOOOOOOW YOU DOIN’!!!!!!!?

  Me: Ouch……..

• 62 Splunge on Dec 15, 2008 at 6:59 pm

  Best fashion design using only bacon.

• 63 Houndstooth Mind on Dec 15, 2008 at 7:35 pm

  How about a 60’s-70’s sitcom cage match.

  Who would win?
  Bewitched vs I Dream of Jeanie
  Brady Bunch vs Partridge Family
  Leave it To Beaver vs Dennis the Mennace

  Pick your favorite and explain who’d win in 30 words or less.

• 64 gojikranz on Dec 15, 2008 at 7:45 pm

  best action film pitch about a plot to rid the world of bacon. must star joey pants, and have a wacky sidekick of your choice. 100 words or less.

• 65 Rood on Dec 15, 2008 at 7:54 pm

  Find the most entertaining website/video/article/etc on the net that directly relates to beer and/or bacon. Winning links will be judged on creativity, obscurity, and hilarity by Les Blogmasteurs.

• 66 Ninjew on Dec 15, 2008 at 8:02 pm

  I think that could be a good idea.
  But possibly not.
  And I’m not being indecisive.

• 67 Nick Fechter on Dec 15, 2008 at 8:27 pm

  Now this should deffinetly be it!

  It has been AGES since anyone has seen any new Austin Powers material, and I’d love to bring him back. Here’s my submission:

  (Austin Powers travels back in time to the very beginnings of life on earth, he walks over to the primordial ooze and drops his pants…)

  You do the math

• 68 Onil on Dec 15, 2008 at 9:56 pm

  How about a scavenger hunt of sorts? Everyone has a digital camera these days, you’ve most likely got one on your phone even. The Rifftrax crew comes up with a list of things related to Rifftrax lore and Rifftrax movies. All you have to do is take a picture of you with or using or doing one of the things on the list. First person to get all the items or the one with the most items after a given amount of time wins.

  A few examples of what could be on the list:
  a surfboard, a toaster, lots of bacon, a motorized wheelchair, glitter, you at a crossroads, a douchey guy dance mixing up some drinks, a full length mirror, lots of sand, a guy in a bear suit, you taking a Scientology stress test or reading Dianetics, a donkey, someone wearing a dress similar to whatsherface’s picnic table dress from Roadhouse, etc.

  You post your pictures here via Photobucket or Flickr or what have you.

• 69 Mr. Slick on Dec 15, 2008 at 10:02 pm

  Well he may have run a comb thru it so it may have changed.

• 70 NanoRiffite on Dec 15, 2008 at 10:02 pm

  I think that would be interesting to listen to.

• 71 Scooter on Dec 15, 2008 at 10:59 pm

  be the 32 person to comment on the contest.
  this way no reading through a hundred comments, for only one matters. and it has to be numbered 32, replies to posts don’t count

• 72 BEMaven on Dec 16, 2008 at 3:43 am

  I forgot to include a maximum word limit.

  My God, what have I done?

• 73 chrismartindeed on Dec 16, 2008 at 3:53 am

  Junior Daredevil Rodeo!

  (Sorry. I panicked.)

  Write, in 200 words or less, a cover letter for a major character from a Rifftrax feature film, explaining why he, she or it would be the best candidate for a job opening.

• 74 Steve R. on Dec 16, 2008 at 5:34 am

  Come up with 3 positive things about Hayden Christensen’s performance in Star Wars Episodes 2 and 3.

• 75 michael on Dec 16, 2008 at 6:32 am

  “…taking a Scientology stress test…”

  Gold. Pure gold.

• 76 Courtney on Dec 16, 2008 at 6:54 am

  I just don’t know why the dance-off I’ve been pitching for months now can’t just be done already. That’s a contest. A sparkly fabulous one.

• 77 awfulgoodmovies on Dec 16, 2008 at 7:01 am

  CONTEST!

  Name a Rifftrax Rock Band!

  Rules:

  1.Band must consist of the following members: Mike Nelson, Bill Corbett and Kevin Murphy.
  2. Band name and theme must include a Rifftraxed movie.
  3. Extra credit for including Conor, Josh and Sean.

  Example:

  The Jar Jar Binks Experience

  Mike ‘Naboo’ Nelson – C3 synth, vocals
  Bill ‘Coruscant’ Corbett – Stretched pigs rectum(Gungan flute)
  Kevin ‘Maul’ Murphy – Bass,vocals.

  Set list:
  1. “I Fought The Dark Side (and the Dark Side Won)
  2. “Anakin, Don’t Take Your Lightsaber To Town
  3. “The Night The Lights Went Out In Alderaan”
  4. “Dagobah Dreamin’”
  5. “Ain’t No Tatooine Mountain High Enough”

  Good Luck!

• 78 Smuttynose on Dec 16, 2008 at 7:20 am

  Perhaps an example is required.

  Q: Can you give an example?

  A: No.

• 79 Heather on Dec 16, 2008 at 7:20 am

  I know this has been making the rounds on Twitter, but I would just like to know what on earth is going on in this music video (in 78 words or less): http://chrisdaneowens.com/video/Shine_large.html

  Bonus points if you can tell me how much and what the editor drank while he was cutting it together.

• 80 Fnord on Dec 16, 2008 at 7:25 am

  Here’s a simple one:

  Come up with the best, and also the worst, Rifftrax branded cocktail!

  Bonus points for including ingredients which have to do with the movies they have riffed.

  Extra bonus points for making something drinkable and yummy.

  Extra EXTRA bonus points for making something so disgusting that not even Kevin could drink it.

• 81 blablover5 on Dec 16, 2008 at 8:24 am

  If you could only take over the world with three objects what would they be and how would you destroy Keanu Reeves in the process?

  Extra points if all three items are bacon.

• 82 Kris on Dec 16, 2008 at 8:30 am

  Two words for you:

  Rifftrax Haiku. Example.

  I love the water.
  I don’t like sand, so coarse, dry.
  George nods, continues.

• 83 Onil on Dec 16, 2008 at 8:47 am

  I vote for this one.
  Oh wait, we aren’t voting.
  Please, Bill, choose this one.

• 84 awfulgoodmovies on Dec 16, 2008 at 8:47 am

  CONTEST!

  Name Kevin’s Turtle!

  Alas, Kevin Murphy’s pet turtle “Gomer”(Kevin’s middle name) has passed away and was buried at soup….err at sea…..and his new turtle needs a name!

  Rules:

  1.There are no rules! Just name the little Cryptodira.
  2. Extra “street cred’ for including a RiffTrax theme. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_RiffTrax

  Example:

  “Burpy”..”Little green Machine”..”Shatner”….etc….

  Good Luck!

• 85 Bill Corbett on Dec 16, 2008 at 9:20 am

  Bearing in mind, of course, that the day would inevitably end with:

  “TIME FOR GO TO BED!!”

• 86 NanoRiffite on Dec 16, 2008 at 9:37 am

  Oh, yeah, need a maximum word limit. 180 words or less.

• 87 NanoRiffite on Dec 16, 2008 at 9:46 am

  One of the objects could be a spoon. And then you’d have the line “Oops, there *IS* a spoon, so there must be no Keanu Reeves…”

• 88 NanoRiffite on Dec 16, 2008 at 9:47 am

  You might want to reduce your caffeine intake!

• 89 awfulgoodmovies on Dec 16, 2008 at 9:52 am

  CONTEST!

  WIN BILL CORBETT’S UNDERWEAR!

  Yes, that’s right! Bill has peeked into his Christmas Present and learned he’ll not be needing his current pair! His gain is your gain!

  Rule:

  1. Contestants will name the movie star and his(or her)underwear, most likely shared with Bill. Example -”Melanie Griffith and a Bamboo Charcoal Sports Bra?”
  2. Phrase your answer in a form of a question. example -”Do David Hasselhoff and Bill Corbett wear Calvin Klein: Steel Cotton Thong?”
  3. Contestant who chooses correctly, wins Bill’s undies!!!!!(Hmmmm…that doesn’t sound that great…maybe a free RiffTrax or something….)

  Good Luck!

• 90 Enron Hubbard on Dec 16, 2008 at 10:04 am

  Do Tony Shaloub and Bill Corbett both wear Dark Knight themed banana hammocks imprinted with the phrase: “Why So Seriously Hung?”

• 91 Anthony on Dec 16, 2008 at 10:34 am

  That’s easy though. He wasn’t quite as wooden as Portman. In the third film, in the scenes without her, his acting wasn’t outright painful. If nothing else, he did have he look of a disillusioned spaz.

• 92 Nick Fechter on Dec 16, 2008 at 10:37 am

  (unresponsive due to severe ass-wupping delivered by Rasputia)

• 93 Houndstooth Mind on Dec 16, 2008 at 10:57 am

  write a Rifftrax rap. it must embody the essence of all that is Rifftrax in 1000 characters or less.

• 94 awfulgoodmovies on Dec 16, 2008 at 11:03 am

  That’s the Spirit!

• 95 Queen Shadowrama on Dec 16, 2008 at 11:07 am

  Decribe exactly what you would be willing to do to get Bill to do a Meet Dave Rifftrax. Kind of a “What would you do for a Klondike Bar” sort of thing.

  Winner gets a free Rifftrax, and Bill has to sign a contract in his own blood saying that he promises to do the commentary.

• 96 Ben on Dec 16, 2008 at 11:21 am

  We could do an essay I suppose on who should be called “King of Rifftrax” from amongst Bill, Mike and Kevin. Bribes to the commenters might ensue and it should be a nice ego swell for all three…hmm…still working the kinks out on this one…

• 97 Splunge on Dec 16, 2008 at 11:25 am

  So you all think splunge, do you?

• 98 Nick Fechter on Dec 16, 2008 at 11:51 am

  Oh God! Don’t do it! DON’T DO-

  (a huge brown monster crashes through the front of my house….again)

  Rasputia: I THOUGHT I TOLD YO BITCHASS NOT TO MAKE FUN OF MY MOVIES NO MORE!!!!!!

  Me: It wasn’t me this time! It was-

  Rasputia: BITCH, I DON’T WANNA HEAR NONE OF YO LIES! NOW I’M REALLY GONNA KILL’YA THIS TIME! GHRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

  (Rasputia takes the UV lamp that sits next to my computer, turns it on to high intensity, and shoves it up my you-know-what. Then she catapults me to the china-set where she proceeds to smash ever single plate over top of my head. Then she drags me over to my micr0wave, shoves my head into it, and repeatly slams the door shouting “HOW YOU DOIN’!!!!!!?” then she closes the door with my head still inside and puts it on high for ten minutes.)

  Rasputia: OH YEAH! I ALMOST FORGOT!

  (Rasputia takes her humungous cankle, approximately 37 inches in diameter, and shoves it up my you-know-what with the UV lamp still in there)

  Rasputia: THERE! HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW YOU DOIN’!!!!!!!!!!!!?

  Me: ow……………

• 99 awfulgoodmovies on Dec 16, 2008 at 12:14 pm

  CONTEST!

  MIKE NELSON NEEDS A NEW CAR!

  Mike sideswiped a Vietnamese cabbage(cải bắp) truck and messed up the front end of his 96 Kia Sephia. He’s been riding the bus to work and that just ain’t cutting it.

  Please help Mike choose his next car/vehicle!

  Rules:

  1. No rules…..anything goes!
  2. The winning contestant gets to wash(or feed) Mikes new vehicle!

  Example:

  A chariot pulled by 3,000 Hamsters(or Bill and Kevin?).

  Or….http://www.designboom.com/snapshots/tokyobike/tall.html

  The Space Shuttle…..yeah….a bit on the expensive side…..But very cool.

  Good Luck!

• 100 michael on Dec 16, 2008 at 12:27 pm

  Nick,

  Did the math test really do that much damage? To your mind? To your soul?

  Hope you at least passed the test.

• 101 Nick Fechter on Dec 16, 2008 at 1:07 pm

  I DoNt nEed AnY oF YoUr SaNiTy!!! AlL I NeEd iS mY DeLiCiOuS ReDbUlL!!!

  (cradles red-bull can)

  hE…hE hE….mY pReCiOuS……..

• 102 RemmieBarrow on Dec 16, 2008 at 1:40 pm

  Ok… How about 100,000,007?

• 103 Ninjew on Dec 16, 2008 at 1:41 pm

  I used to be “Splunge” before I became “Ninjew”.

  So, yes. I’m among the seven people out there that actually GET the reference!

• 104 Walter on Dec 16, 2008 at 1:54 pm

  The best SINGLE WORD to describe both Joey Pants and bacon.

• 105 RoninFox on Dec 16, 2008 at 2:45 pm

  IMPROVE A RIFFED MOVIE

  Type up a new cast list and description of a movie that’s received the Rifftrax treatment describing how with you in charge it would be an even better movie that Dark Knight!*

  *This is hyperbole of course, as nothing will ever top Dark Knight, the greatest movie ever.

• 106 michael on Dec 16, 2008 at 2:49 pm

  …Ham?

• 107 Kim on Dec 16, 2008 at 3:09 pm

  Poor Nick the multiple attacks coupled with a math test must have sent him into a Red Bull induced haze that causes him to act out on his inner Gollum/Torgo.

  Why don’t you go try a Mtn. Dew or two my friend.

• 108 Ben on Dec 16, 2008 at 3:15 pm

  Pork?

• 109 Houndstooth Mind on Dec 16, 2008 at 4:50 pm

  Oh! Even better, Design Your Own TV death match. Doogie Howser vs Scrubs, Daffy Duck vs Woody Woodpecker, you decide and let them enter the Thunderdome!

• 110 Splunge on Dec 16, 2008 at 5:08 pm

  Awesome.

• 111 R.A. Roth on Dec 16, 2008 at 5:27 pm

  All right, you want simple. Here you go:

  In fifty words or less, explain why anyone with a viable career* would do voiceover work for an animated film with name that sounds dreadfully similar to a racial epithet. I am of course talking about Spinc. No, that’s not it. I mean Delgo, the adventures of a lizardy dinosaur thing with a very smooth head, the cuddliness of a cobra and the screen presence of a stickman.

  * This excludes Anne Bancroft, who is dead, Val Kilmer, who is crazy, Burt Reynolds, who thinks it’s still the 1970s, and Louis Gossett, Jr., who can’t stop kicking Richard Gere in the groin.

  Randy

• 112 Dames Like Her on Dec 16, 2008 at 5:30 pm

  I want an opinion from the guy sitting in the middle.

• 113 Onil on Dec 16, 2008 at 5:48 pm

  Greasy?

• 114 Nick Fechter on Dec 16, 2008 at 5:57 pm

  Bacon…….IS BAD FOR YOU!!!

  (Joey Pants appears out of nowhere and punches me in the face)

• 115 michael on Dec 16, 2008 at 6:51 pm

  Swine?

  Indulgent?

  Uh-oh, Nick is starting to *crash* again! Someone get him some cheese and crackers!

• 116 Nick Fechter on Dec 16, 2008 at 6:56 pm

  No no, it’s okay. I’m-

  (a huge hulking brown monster crashes through the front of my house for a THIRD time)

  Rasputia: WHAT THE @$!@# DO YOU MEAN BY BACON IS BAD FOR YOU!? WHAT, YO SKINNY, WHITE ASS IS TRYIN’ TO TELL ME THAT I’M FAT!?

  Me: damn…..

• 117 Kim on Dec 16, 2008 at 7:04 pm

  Geez Nick maybe you should build a bomb shelter or something.

• 118 Ivan on Dec 16, 2008 at 7:19 pm

  I know, the contest is to be the biggest douche nozzle possible whilst trying to come up with a contest idea… uh I guess Nick Fetcher already won.

• 119 michael on Dec 16, 2008 at 7:24 pm

  Okay, okay. How about coming up with an (un-)*official* name for Rifftrax fans? (I’m correct in assuming that there is no un-official name, right? I’m not that out of touch, am I?)

  No major organizing, filming, traveling, or cooking of bacon required.

  Extra beer might help, though.

• 120 Kim on Dec 16, 2008 at 7:26 pm

  After careful consideration (or not) I think this one rocks, maybe.

  Sorry I’m indecisive.

• 121 Nick Fechter on Dec 16, 2008 at 7:38 pm

  Actually I don’t think I entered a-

  (the hulking brown monster crashes….actually there wasn’t a crash this time because I already had three gapping holes in the front of my house so all it did was jump in)

  Rasputia: CONTEST!? WHAT THE @#$#$ AM I HEARIN’ ABOUT SOME CONTEST!? WHAT, YOU TRYIN’ TO USE ME FOR YO LITTLE NASTY ASS PERVERTED WHITE BOY PORNA-

  Me: OH WOULD YOU JUST STOP!!! I’ve already used you as a joke three times on this post! Your no longer amusing to anyone, so just go! Just-just GO!

  Rasputia: WELL I……HOW……..I-uh….Okay…..fine.

  (the huge hulking brown monster stalks off disappointedly)

• 122 Kim on Dec 16, 2008 at 8:06 pm

  I suggest cooking bacon anyway…just to keep the natural union that is beer and bacon together as it should be.

• 123 chrismartindeed on Dec 17, 2008 at 4:48 am

  It’s just too hard, Steve R!

  I could only come up with one positive thing: Christensen didn’t make it into Episode 4.

• 124 Kris on Dec 17, 2008 at 6:34 am

  Riffians? Riffanese? Riffites? Riffonians? Riffasexuals?

• 125 Nick Fechter on Dec 17, 2008 at 10:43 am

  I like Riffolytes, because it makes us seem like a bunch of mindless drones…….BACON IS STILL BAD FOR YOU!!!

  (Joey Pants appears out of nowhere and nails me in the groin)

• 126 BEMaven on Dec 17, 2008 at 12:01 pm

  How about calling ourselves Clumps?

  I’m definitely feeling it, man.

• 127 Nick Fechter on Dec 17, 2008 at 12:46 pm

  Hmmm…Clumps…kinda’ reminds me of-

  (The huge brown monster’s head pokes into my house with an exicted look on her face)

  Me: GO AWAY!!!

  Rasputia: YOU’RE NO FUN!!!!

  (the huge brown monster stalks off disappointeldy yet again…)

• 128 Smuttynose on Dec 17, 2008 at 1:02 pm

  I see… Doggie Day! She sees a tree, and goes up to it and piddles on it!

• 129 michael on Dec 17, 2008 at 2:29 pm

  “Clumps”

  I guess that’s better than Krumps.

  Rifftrackers (hey! there’s one!) should not be seen dancing/krumping. Ever.

• 130 Nick Fechter on Dec 17, 2008 at 4:07 pm

  I beg to differ!

  (attemps to do a head-spin and ends up crashing into book case)

  ….okay, maybe your right…..

• 131 Kzinistzerg on Dec 17, 2008 at 7:18 pm

  “Riffolytes”? What, are we a special type of nutriment now?

  I like this name. It should be official.

• 132 ejiehi on Dec 17, 2008 at 9:30 pm

  How’s about u-riff-ades. Ha Ha, greeks.

• 133 ejiehi on Dec 17, 2008 at 9:34 pm

  The submit a link to the most arbitrary thing contest.

  For best results drink heavily, and drink often.
  Silly hats “not” required.

• 134 Pak-Man on Dec 17, 2008 at 11:48 pm

  Just in time for the Holidays, how about a contest to write a life-day song?

• 135 Tom S on Dec 18, 2008 at 1:38 am

  The five best ways to call Kevin Murphy fat.

• 136 Russ Rogers on Dec 18, 2008 at 4:22 am

  We all love videos of Celebrities Singing, especially if it’s a celebrity we don’t expect to be singing. Such as Patrick Stewart doing a dance routine on the deck of the Enterprise.

  How about a contest for whoever can imagine the best/worst Celebrity and Song Pairing.

  Such as: Siegfried & Roy sing “Eye of the Tiger”

  Bonus points if you can find an actual video of your delicious and ludicrous Celebrity Song combination.

  Super Bonus points if you can convince your Celebrity to RECORD a video.

  Super Duper Bonus points if you get Joey Pants to sing!

• 137 Nick Fechter on Dec 18, 2008 at 5:17 am

  ……………………………………..

• 138 NanoRiffite on Dec 18, 2008 at 9:10 am

  On the sometimes-theme of road signs, here’s one for the group’s general amusement:

  http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v504/ZendoDeb/misc/Hell_Frozen_Over.jpg

• 139 NanoRiffite on Dec 18, 2008 at 9:12 am

  “Rifftrackers” sounded pretty good to me. Maybe I should switch my pseudonym to match.

• 140 Nerf on Dec 18, 2008 at 9:45 am

  Come on! Let’s make this holiday themed!

  Let’s have a contest to see who can come up with a fake Star Wars Holiday to rival Life Day. Maybe the Rodian holiday of Who Shot First Day….or the Gungan holiday of Bombad-ukkah. Write your submission as an essay or carol in 100 words or less. Your holiday must include at least one reference to Bea Arthur or Jefferson Starship.

• 141 Splunge on Dec 18, 2008 at 11:33 am

  Most creative bacon-based recipe.

• 142 michael on Dec 18, 2008 at 12:36 pm

  Well, whatta you know…there really was a cold day in Hell.

  I guess all of those people who made bets based on this occurance are feeling pretty foolish now!

• 143 Melman on Dec 18, 2008 at 1:40 pm

  Best rhyming couplet.

  Iambic Pentameter.

  At least one use of alliteration per line.

• 144 Nick Fechter on Dec 18, 2008 at 2:25 pm

  (Two sinners arrive at the gates of hell and find it a frozen wasteland)

  Sinner#1: What the…ah man!

  Sinner#2: Ha-ha! Pay up sucker!

  (sinner#1 pays sinner#2)

  Sinner#2: Yes! I feel like I’m top of the-

  The Devil: PREPARE TO BE TORTURED FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!!! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!

  Sinner#2: world……….

• 145 Matt on Dec 19, 2008 at 1:08 am

  Ok, this is it.
  You take the initials from all the previous contest winers and make an an acronym out of them.
  Then use that acronym in a haiku.

• 146 Matt on Dec 19, 2008 at 1:16 am

  I’ve always thought of us colectivly as “Riffraff.”

• 147 Matt on Dec 19, 2008 at 1:35 am

  *SIGH*
  You know, I had hoped that I would spend my life with the content knowledge that I would never EVER have to drag this joke out of the cobweb filled closet but…
  Houndstooth,
  Can’t we just get Beyond Thunderdome?

• 148 Smuttynose on Dec 19, 2008 at 7:56 am

  Link Bacon, Joey Pants, State Quarters, Bad Music and Beer in one sentence that makes absolute, perfect sense, and is funny. No more than 25 words.

• 149 michael on Dec 19, 2008 at 10:43 am

  “Riffraff”

  Oh, I like that…

• 150 Nick Fechter on Dec 19, 2008 at 11:32 am

  Why are all these things related to each other and why did they become that way?

• 151 Enron Hubbard on Dec 19, 2008 at 1:31 pm

  Rifftrax really must remain synched you see
  It’s done with “Perfect Synch Technology”

  Rifftrax rely on Disembaudio
  Making synching simply part of the show

  With movies most foul, my shelves are annoyed
  Bought solely so Rifftrax could be enjoyed

  Done, and done!

• 152 Gamera on Dec 19, 2008 at 7:09 pm

  Best Rifftrax related haiku?

• 153 euphoriafish on Dec 22, 2008 at 6:25 pm

  I was sadly unable to enter with a contest idea of my own, but I would like to give mad props to the concept of naming fish. I started this game over at the Cinematic Titanic forum, and it was a resounding success. There wasn’t a clear winner, of course, except for me for starting the game in the first place…

  In conclusion, I say do this one. Because I would almost certainly win.

• 154 euphoriafish on Dec 22, 2008 at 6:25 pm

  Ninjew is made of win as usual.

• 155 The Contest Contest | Hammock Stand on May 31, 2009 at 9:20 pm

  [...] The Contest Contest Posted by root 3 minutes ago (http://blog.rifftrax.com) Or else the rope would break which would and then eddie murphy would try to be the 32 person to comment on the contest david hasselhoff and bill corbett wear calvin klein steel cotton thong banana hammocks imprinted with the phrase why so seriously hung p Discuss  |  Bury |  News | The Contest Contest [...]

Leave a Comment