A woman in Chicago has just completed her year-long experiment of living exactly as Oprah Winfrey advises. You can read the details on her “Living Oprah” blog.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am inspired. But since keeping up with someone with a daily television show is too daunting, I’ve decided to follow the life advice of someone else: actor Nick Nolte.
I began yesterday by injecting Vitamin B-12 into my eyeballs and beating up a raccoon. Then after a hearty bowl of cornflakes and gin, I did some chainsaw sculptures of the goddess Kali.
This morning I was dead for a while, but after being revived I started eating a lot of raw root vegetables. This afternoon: guns and poetry!