This MTV staple from 80s contained just about everything a music video ever needed.
Please… release that dove from your hands, and watch:
The only things it lacked were easily found here (cough cough *dwarf* cough cough):
IN CONCLUSION: There was no need to keep making music videos after these two. (And no, I don’t consider the absence of Tom Petty to be a tremendous problem.)
52 responses so far ↓
1 Mr. Slick on Jan 13, 2009 at 10:26 pm
What?! No Meatloaf?!!!
[Reply to this]
Reply from chrismartindeed on January 14, 2009:
And what about ‘Sledgehammer’? Dancing headless chickens said so much about the Reagan era.
Reply from Tony on January 14, 2009:
Actually this should get partial Meatloaf credit since “Total Eclipse of the Heart” was written by Jim Steinman, the guy that wrote most of Meatloaf’s songs and specializes in overdone, melodramatic epic songs.
Reply from NanoRiffite on January 14, 2009:
“Total Eclipse of the Heart” was written by Jim Steinman, writer for the two big hit albums that Meatloaf did. So Bill has that covered with these choices.
Reply from Mr. Slick on January 14, 2009:
Chris is right… where’s the stop-motion- animated things?
2 brooke! on Jan 13, 2009 at 10:28 pm
If you play them both backwards and at the same time there’s a secret messege.
[Reply to this]
3 TJ Prostitute on Jan 13, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Uhhhh…..my non-80’s brain cannot understand ……..ninjas, Ghostbusters-era special FX and medieval trolls…..seriously though what the hell on so many levels. Here’s a scary thought: we are all wiped out in a horrible twist of fate and many centuries from now curious extraterrestrials find only a crappy VHS of total eclipse and safety dance that they interpret as the pinnacle of our creative endeavors…..
[Reply to this]
Reply from Geena on January 14, 2009:
You say that as though they weren’t.
4 Tv Miller on Jan 13, 2009 at 10:36 pm
Ironic being that the key reasons I myself avoid chapel like spaces…ninjas, fencing, greasers, uncouth banquets, wrestling, football, windows that seem to focus the entirety of the sun and/or street lamps, hurricane force winds and Jason Schwimmer novelty headlamp eyeglasses.
And I am fairly certain that was Tom in the loin cloth kicking wind with his leg.
And…I always like to quickly watch Safety Dance after a screening of Willow just to tie up any loose ends in the plot.
[Reply to this]
5 Scooter on Jan 13, 2009 at 11:00 pm
you’re almost there, but I think you’re forgetting something from this:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xl3PYk_s4Kk
I just don’t know what exactly it is. Possibly the man being attacked by a hair dryer.
[Reply to this]
Reply from TJ Prostitute on January 13, 2009:
Hahaha, its like the director started shooting 25 different videos in a coke-induced fever and woke up the next day and was like: “Screw it! It all works!”
6 jason on Jan 13, 2009 at 11:19 pm
“The only things it lacked were easily found here:”
You obviously messed up, meaning to post Night Ranger’s “Don’t Tell Me You Love Me” video, and instead accidently posted what Kevin sees in his most feared nightmares… (synth music, Renaissance festival, dwarves, chicken headed people, bad dancing- have I left anything out Kevin?)
[Reply to this]
7 Nick Fechter on Jan 14, 2009 at 5:04 am
“It’s the 80’s! Do alot of coke and vote for Ronald Reagan!”
[Reply to this]
Reply from R.A. Roth on January 15, 2009:
“Slower, more bandy-legged!”
Randy
8 Ben on Jan 14, 2009 at 5:24 am
I’d still rank GWAR, the Cycle Sluts from Hell and Los Straitjackets higher. Videos never got any better than from those three.
[Reply to this]
9 Ninjew on Jan 14, 2009 at 6:37 am
Every time I heard “Turn around, Bright Eyes” I kept expecting Charlton Heston to make an appearance in the video. Would have made a GREAT end theme to the Planet of the Apes remake.
And if I choose NOT to dance, then I’m no friend of yours? It seems to me that you have a peculiar set of standard by which you select your friends. Using this way of thinking, Stephen Hawking could not be your friend. That sir, is not a wise move. Stephen Hawking has thought of more ways to dance than you’ll EVER experience, he just has no way to demonstrate them (other than using a particle accelerator - which could theoretically open a black hole - and THAT certainly wouldn’t be considered a “Safety Dance” now, would it?).
[Reply to this]
Reply from Bill Corbett on January 14, 2009:
Stephen Hawking BETTER find a way to dance, or he’s dead to me. Sorry, I have very specific standards for my friends.
10 Kouban on Jan 14, 2009 at 6:59 am
There’s one last video needed to truly distill the essence of music videos: Breaking the Chains by Dokken.
[Reply to this]
11 puerileuwaite on Jan 14, 2009 at 7:21 am
Viewed from either side using cheesy X-Ray equipment, it’s difficult NOT to have a total eclipse of the heart. Geez, get a grip, Bonnie. And for someone with nothing to say, she didn’t shut up even once during the entire song.
Don’t even get me started on the historically inaccurate lack of hunting or gathering in the second video.
[Reply to this]
12 nICK. on Jan 14, 2009 at 8:18 am
I never knew that “Total Eclipse of the Heart” was written about a woman with a Mary Kay Letourneau complex and occult powers. Thank you for opening my eyes and letting the creepy otherworldly glow shine in, music video.
[Reply to this]
13 Smuttynose on Jan 14, 2009 at 8:18 am
HOW DARE YOU! The epitome of 80’s music videos was by Dexys Midnight Runners!!!!
C’mon, Corbett. Oh I swear (well he means) at this moment….
[Reply to this]
14 Laura on Jan 14, 2009 at 9:42 am
Hey! I did the Safety Dance in Naxxramas last night! It hurts if you stop dancing :(.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSTDpk8-vzU
(Better to watch in HD. The safety dance is to run to a certain safe zone before this poisonous slime bursts from cracks in the floor. You aren’t in the safety zone? Instant death. Safety Dance!)
“HOW DARE YOU! The epitome of 80’s music videos was by Dexys Midnight Runners!!!!”
He speaks the truth….
[Reply to this]
Reply from Smuttynose on January 14, 2009:
Too-ra too-ra lay, indeed. Thanks Laura.
Reply from jason on January 14, 2009:
Oh come on, the Dexy’s Midnight Runners video was almost the same as the Men Without Hats one, except for without dwarves and costumes (but with overalls. And a fiddle. I’ll take dwarves and chickenheads over fiddles and overalls any day!).
Reply from Casey on January 14, 2009:
Hate to disagree but I am convinced that Devo’s “Whip It” is the standard by which all other 80s videos must be compared.
Give the midgets whips… and then we will talk.
Reply from Geena on January 14, 2009:
Well, to be fair, Dexy’s Midnight Runners DID pioneer the “dressing like a homeless person” trend, a fashion later brought to full bloom by Nirvana and their ilk.
15 penumbra on Jan 14, 2009 at 11:34 am
For you young thangs on Rifftrax… That was the Golden Age of Dungeons & Dragons and EVERYthing was suffused with fantasy and magic.
Oh how I miss it… and, by the way, Stephen Hawking can use his tongue-joystick thing to dance. That’s the awesome thing about the ’80’s- you don’t have to be any good at dancing to rock out.
[Reply to this]
16 chrismartindeed on Jan 14, 2009 at 1:29 pm
First video —
Could pass for one of Harry Potter’s wet dreams.
Second video—
Could be an outtake from the Special BlueRay Edition of Braveheart.
[Reply to this]
Reply from Nick Fechter on January 14, 2009:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TttYR-6Ql8c
Reply from chrismartindeed on January 14, 2009:
Creepy way to cast a spell. I played the audio over the office PA and the company controller transformed into a salamander.
Reply from Nick Fechter on January 14, 2009:
Really?
When I showed it to my friend he turned into Rosey O’Donald.
Reply from Brooke on January 18, 2009:
Shame… It’s a lot easier to get better from being turned to a newt rather than salamander or an O’Donald.
17 Remmie Barrow on Jan 14, 2009 at 2:56 pm
The 1980s were the best time for music vidios, bar none. Anything after that era can not compete, as far as I am concerned.
[Reply to this]
18 NanoRiffite on Jan 14, 2009 at 3:52 pm
Okay, maybe we could skip the Tom Petty, but it seems to me that something from Stevie Nicks should show up.
Definitely agree that music videos rapidly died after a few years of creativity. MTV decided it wanted OBSCENE profits instead of merely large profits, and record companies got tired of spending money to make videos.
“And I can act like an imbecile”.
[Reply to this]
19 Kim on Jan 14, 2009 at 3:59 pm
Hmmm…part of me thinks “Damn, they don’t make ‘em like that anymore” and another part of me thinks “Gee, I’m really glad I grew up in the ’90’s.”
[Reply to this]
20 Barry on Jan 14, 2009 at 4:01 pm
Hello? Land of Confusion? It doesn’t get any more 80’s than a Ronald Reagan puppet in a Superman costume.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3MzShg7yXik
[Reply to this]
Reply from TJ Prostitute on January 14, 2009:
Yeah, this was always an amazing mega-dose of 80’s, not for those of weak constitution.
21 Straw5 on Jan 14, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Anakin Skywalker was the lead singer of Men Without Hats?
I never knew!
[Reply to this]
22 Kouban on Jan 14, 2009 at 5:52 pm
A Reagan puppet performed by Chris Barrie, no less.
[Reply to this]
23 michael on Jan 14, 2009 at 8:01 pm
So Peter Jackson’s first attempt at making LOTR was to actually direct a MW/OH video?
**I’m impressed with all of the suggested entries of Best Representation of the 80’s Video. However, one cannot look at the 80’s canon without a special homage to Cyndi Lauper. She bop. He bop. We bop. I bop. You bop. They bop.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KsDdEAhQemQ
[Reply to this]
Reply from michael on January 14, 2009:
Better version. Sorry. Everybody bops.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vzpxRd44PpE
24 Scarlett on Jan 14, 2009 at 10:07 pm
The only things I could see missing was:
1. The horse that inexplicably appears with the inexplicable rolling fog, trotting through deserted streets, jungles, or anywhere that Duran Duran shows up.
2. The awesome power of the guitar solo, which can blow away any authority figure, robot, turn any homely nobody into the hot somebody that everybody wants to be with, and ultimately fix everything along with the total awesomeness of the band.
3. Keyboardist surrounded by dozens of keyboards to push the same two keys/Drummers with endless supplies of drumsticks that they just throw everywhere because they are so darn wacky like that..
[Reply to this]
Reply from Scarlett on January 14, 2009:
Oh, but watching that horde of Ultimate Warrior dancers pop out of nowhere as the Stepford Children join in did bring a tear to the eyes..along with laughter and alarm that I actually remembered a wrestler from the 80s..
But it does rather suck that we don’t have the same kind of pointless, mindlessly silly guilty pleasures unless we’re watching a VH-1 retrospectives on them.
25 R.A. Roth on Jan 15, 2009 at 1:55 pm
Def Leppard’s vid for “Rock of Ages” features cheesy swordplay, stylized sets and makes less sense than a Ray Dennis Steckler film. But that was the music video norm in the pioneer days of MTV. In fact, the less sense your video made, the more popular it was. I’m talking to you, Buggles!
Randy
[Reply to this]
Reply from Kelly on January 18, 2009:
I want to kiss you for bringing up this video. I was WAY too into Def Leppard in the late 80s. And that video is excellent.
26 Wesley Stamper on Jan 15, 2009 at 3:09 pm
I prefer the minimalist masterpiece:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybjH7qRT37k
[Reply to this]
27 Meltha on Jan 15, 2009 at 3:45 pm
During the first one I actually made the mistake of saying aloud, “Well, it can’t possibly get more random.” Immediately following this, the ninjas showed up. Murphy’s Law is proven once again.
[Reply to this]
Reply from Kelly on January 18, 2009:
They were DANCE-ninjas, too.
28 C.G. on Jan 15, 2009 at 8:10 pm
And then there was Herbie Hancock’s “Rockit”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7dAxvj2mlU
I do have to admit I thought this video was awesome when I was younger, but now that “what’s going on under the covers” bit is a bit too disturbing.
[Reply to this]
29 Fifty "percent" Kreiger on Jan 17, 2009 at 10:57 am
What in the world was going on in those b&w photos at the very end of “Safety Dance”? It’s almost traumatizing.
[Reply to this]
30 Kelly on Jan 18, 2009 at 9:01 pm
Sorry, but this vid, although ostensibly more 90s, has literally EVERYTHING, and yes, including the abovementioned horses and guitar. And explosions. And swords. And dragons. And flying, flaming skeletons. And a crocodile. And a really bad mustache. And gonsarnit, just WATCH already!
[Reply to this]
Reply from Gremlin on January 25, 2009:
I’m in awe. That was one of the finest, most over the top, epic pieces of crap I have ever witnessed. I can’t stop watching it. That song really starts to grow on you after the 20th viewing.
Leave a Comment