The RiffTrax Blog header image 1

Utility Bacon

February 6th, 2009 by Mike Nelson · 28 Comments

Utility BaconI’m well into my 6th day of Bacon Stupidity the last couple of which have featured regular old grocery store bacon, i.e., utility bacon: Kroger’s, Ralph’s, and some off brand I don’t even remember. Like utility infielder Chris Gomez they’ve been dependable, if not flashy, and when properly prepared have been able to hit for power to both fields, being both smoky with a nice amount of crunch.

This weekend will feature some flashy, Manny Ramirez-type bacons, which, obviously, could go either way, so I’ll report back soon.

Tags: Month o' Bacon · bacon

28 responses so far ↓

  • 1 AJ on Feb 6, 2009 at 4:38 pm

    Have a wonderful bacon filled weekend. I’ll be having bacon for breakfast :D

  • 2 OxfordProle on Feb 6, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    As a dedicated Red Sox fan, I sincerely hope you get the ‘World Series MVP’-type bacon and not the ‘getting paid $160 million to disappear into the Green Monster during the sixth inning, possibly for a wee’-type bacon. Good luck.

  • 3 fauxarbres on Feb 6, 2009 at 4:44 pm

    Why settle for utility bacon when you can make your own?

    I think it could be pièce de résistance of Bacon Month ‘09!

  • 4 ambitiously stupid on Feb 6, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    What would be the Jose Oquendo bacon equivalent?

  • 5 Remmie Barrow on Feb 6, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    Hopefully you do not find any bacon that has been injecting itself with HGH or steroids….allegidly.

  • 6 Kim on Feb 6, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    Had some Frick’s brand last night, made Bacon N’ Cabbage with it. It was delicious of course but I’m not sure whether to attribute that solely to the bacon or my incredible cooking skills…I suspect it was a combination of the two.

    The whole delicious event recorded for posterity:

  • 7 Chris Hughes on Feb 6, 2009 at 5:49 pm

    Now, a question: can you still dine out? Say, order a Chili’s Triple The Cheese BigMouth Bacon Burger, but hold everything but the bacon? Because they have some damn fine bacon.

  • 8 Len on Feb 6, 2009 at 6:08 pm


    Good luck on your bacon quest. I got this video tonight and thought of you. It had me at “weave the bacon mat”:


  • 9 Houndstooth Mind on Feb 6, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    Check out this blasphemous nightmare.

  • 10 Houndstooth Mind on Feb 6, 2009 at 8:48 pm

    If I had a smoker (or felt comfortable enough to McGuyver one) I’d totally try this!

  • 11 Chris D. on Feb 6, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    Hmmmm. I would’ve thought the baseball player equivalent to bacon is David Wells.

  • 12 ShutterBun on Feb 7, 2009 at 1:24 am

    Errr, I wonder what is meant by bacon that is able to “hit for power to both fields” (your words)

  • 13 Natureboy (Ken) on Feb 7, 2009 at 3:21 am

    I can see the commercials now: Have you been diagnosed with clogged artries, congestive heart failure, or sufferered a massive heart attack after reading the Rifftrax blog? Have you gone on a bacon only diet after reading the works of Michael J. Nelson? If so, you may be entitled to financial compansation for your suffering. Please contact our offices at Dewey, Cheatem and Howe and receive the monetary settlement you deserve. Please call 1-800-PORK-FAT to get the cash you deserve.

    On a side note…..Mike, if you want to impress me, how about a 30 day Scrapple diet?

  • 14 Karen on Feb 7, 2009 at 6:14 am

    RFK Jr says that hog farmers are scarier to America than Osama bin Laden. Does that mean you are supporting terrorists when you eat bacon?

    P.S. — I’m going to try the All-Bacon-Diet for one week. I’m diabetic and need to drastically cut down on the carbs I’ve been over indulging on. Is this healthy? I think it’s 100% more healthy than the junk I’ve been eating.

  • 15 j. cunningham on Feb 7, 2009 at 8:29 am

    watch the Padres… eat some corn

  • 16 Mike Nelson on Feb 7, 2009 at 9:38 am

    Dr. Bernstein would be proud of you.

  • 17 Houndstooth Mind on Feb 7, 2009 at 10:32 am

    Bacon made from corn fed piggies perhaps?

  • 18 phillip on Feb 7, 2009 at 12:34 pm

    HEY MIKE!!!!

    want to try the bacon explosion!

  • 19 Sara on Feb 7, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    I think RFK Jr is scarier than terrorists — or at least more likely to do harm to me personally. I think he’s not getting enough cholesterol for proper brain function.

    The all-bacon diet IS more healthy than the high-carb junk, especially if you’re diabetic. The science DOES support that the high blood glucose levels caused by high carb intake are doing specific harm; it DOESN’T support that dietary cholesterol intake has any effect on blood cholesterol levels. Nor, for that matter, has high blood cholesterol been shown to harm women — there’s actually an inverse correlation, with all-cause mortality going DOWN in correlation with higher blood cholesterol in women. So ditch the carbs and eat your bacon!

    (If you want to see what a somewhat more varied low-carb diet looks like, you might find my food blog, What Sara Eats, interesting.)

  • 20 Scott on Feb 7, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    FYI, Googling for february bacon returns this blog as the first result.

  • 21 Francis on Feb 8, 2009 at 11:23 am

    You should try the Michael Phelps : smoky and baked.

  • 22 Dean-o on Feb 8, 2009 at 11:55 pm

    Mike, I’m concerned. What’s with all the bacon, man? Don’t you know bacon is made from this guy?

    If you thought anthropomorphic monkey-children were freaky, then watch out!

  • 23 davehop on Feb 9, 2009 at 9:17 am

    Mike, Do you need an infusion of the best bacon ever…I refer to Wisconsin’s own Nueske Bacon! It has been given rave reviews in the Sunday Bacon section of the New York Times.
    I like to call it the Opus X of bacon, the Padron Anniversario of Pork, the Ashton ESG of the other white meat….really trying to come up with more cigar/bacon parallels but I’m at a loss.
    As Mr. Potter would say: “Like it? I’ll send you a box!”

  • 24 chris w on Feb 13, 2009 at 6:34 pm

    Your house must reek? How are you cooking all of this bacon?