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Bacon Stupidity – Day 9

February 9th, 2009 by Mike Nelson · 44 Comments

Two BaconsYes, I promised reviews of flashy bacons, but I got busy this weekend and had to rely on supermarket brands yet again: Safeway and Farmland brands, which were nestled together at my local Von’s like a couple of, well, see photo.

And just like the boys in the photo, these cured and smoked strips of pork back fat could really rock! To sum up my experience with these bacons I could do no better than the title of the boys’ third album, Can’t Complain.

Farmland, despite being a mid-priced brand, was named by America’s Test Kitchen as the Best Bacon in America, so you’d think it would be no contest. But like the guy on the left, Safeway more than held its own with its more famous sibling. If you happen to be eating nothing but bacon for a month, I can recommend both.

Coming soon, a review of Tip Top’s house brand.

Tags: Month o' Bacon · RiffTrax · bacon

44 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Ariel on Feb 9, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    I wish there was vegan bacon…

  • 2 AmandaGal on Feb 9, 2009 at 1:47 pm

    There is. It taste like dirty socks though.

  • 3 Bill Townsend on Feb 9, 2009 at 1:51 pm


    I have to hand it to you….9 days and you’re sticking with it. Now out of concern for your health (because I really do enjoy your posts), I want to offer to send you Tony Horton’s 10-Minute Trainer — see — at the end of your bacon month to help you get back into shape. If you’re up for it, send me your mailing address and I’ll be sure you get this excellent fitness program.

  • 4 Incurable Insomniac on Feb 9, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    Here in Okieland we have Eskimo Joe’s, which serves up sweet peppered bacon. I go there just for the BLTs, despite the fact that the place is noisy and that you’re followed by their webcam the entire time you’re there.

    I just found this blog. I met you at the 1995 MST convention (which was effin’ awesome, by the way).
    Glad to see you’re back at it! Consider yourself Blogrolled!

  • 5 wbwolf on Feb 9, 2009 at 1:56 pm

    So, what is Mike’s Bacon Number?

  • 6 jason on Feb 9, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    Kevin Bacon’s brother looks kinda like a cross between Justin Timberlake and Lance Henriksen.

    How many degrees are there between Bacon and Mike?

  • 7 Remmie Barrow on Feb 9, 2009 at 2:47 pm

    OH WHEN, OH WHEN will vegan bacon taste like real bacon?…that is when the future will really begin…with flying cars and all that stuff that was predicted in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

  • 8 j. cunningham on Feb 9, 2009 at 2:58 pm

    shop at the Ted Leitner recommended Von’s supermarket…. eat some corn

  • 9 Walter Kovacs on Feb 9, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    According to, Mike has a Bacon number of 4.

    Trace was in With or Without You which also had Kristopher Ryan Winters, who was in Contact with John Hurt, who was in New York, I Love You with Kevin Bacon.

    However, I assume that uses only movies (it references the MST3K Movie as Mike and Traces link), and thus wouldn’t include other possible connections (i.e. TV series, like Freaks and Geeks, not to mention the tons of films that he’s riffed.)

    I would guess that counting people in the films Mike has riffed could probably you could get it down to 2.


    Just double checked, and it does drop to 2 when you include TV shows.

    Mike riffed Gorgo, which involved Leonard Maltin who was on an episode of Entertainment Tonight with Kevin Bacon.

  • 10 AJ on Feb 9, 2009 at 3:03 pm

    Good god! So he does!

  • 11 OxfordProle on Feb 9, 2009 at 3:11 pm

    Well done, sir. I was hoping this question would be asked and answered.

  • 12 Mr. Alexander on Feb 9, 2009 at 4:24 pm

    I can’t decide which is a more hilarious thought: boyish Justin Timberlake’s face with Lance’s gravelly voice, or Lance Henriksen’s weathered face belting out “Dick in a Box”…

  • 13 Lord Bob on Feb 9, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    That depends, actually.

    If Mike has any actual screen credits aside from MST3K, I can’t think of them, so any Bacon number in that regard would have to go through one of the other Brains whose resumes are a bit longer. At a guess, probably Trace. So it would be a lot.

    That said, depending on how generous you are, you might be able to count the people who were in MST3K’d films. So, offhand, I’d give him a number of four (Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, Raul Julia, some crappy mid-nineties Frankenstein thing, John Hurt, New York I Love You, Kevin Bacon). But that’s just offhand. I’m dead sure you could get that down to two.

  • 14 Lord Bob on Feb 9, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    That should say a provisional Bacon number of three, obviously.

    It should also say that I thought about that way too hard.

  • 15 Lord Bob on Feb 9, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    I should have read your comment before I made mine. But hey! Good to know someone did the research for me.

  • 16 Laura on Feb 9, 2009 at 6:07 pm

    I see Kevin Bacon and think Kenny Loggins…. EVERYBODY GET FOOTLOOSE! ‘Cause I’m all right!

  • 17 Tom G in TX on Feb 9, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    When will vegan bacon taste like real bacon? When they start putting pig in it.

  • 18 Houndstooth Mind on Feb 9, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    according to the oracle of bacon Mike’s Bacon number is 4. I’m not sure if any of the guest riffers on rifftrax get him closer than that though.

  • 19 Katie M. on Feb 9, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    I’ve now had bacon for two days in a row — some with my breakfast yesterday and a BLT for lunch today. And I’ve never felt more alive.

  • 20 Kim on Feb 9, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    That’s a common side effect of bacon, mainly joy…can you believe some people say its bad?!

  • 21 ShutterBun on Feb 9, 2009 at 9:18 pm

    Am I crazy, or is Kevin Bacon’s guitar made of ACTUAL bacon?
    (or is that merely quilted maple, which isn’t nearly as tasty)

  • 22 Ben on Feb 10, 2009 at 6:14 am

    I have a book suggestion for you, Mike, to keep your mind focused during this month:

    After all, Valentine’s Day is coming up.

  • 23 Ben on Feb 10, 2009 at 6:53 am

    Hey, Mike…this video is from today’s Houston Chronicle and it made me think of you. Enjoy!

  • 24 Dean-o on Feb 10, 2009 at 9:47 am

    Enough said.

  • 25 Dean-o on Feb 10, 2009 at 9:48 am

    No, I see the bacon-guitar as well. But then again, I’m quite mad you know.


  • 26 suzy hart on Feb 10, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    Hello Mike, I’m interested in your bacon for a month quest! I work on the Hormel bacon brand. Could you email me back directly? I wonder if we could provide you with some bacon to help you get through the month…

    Thank you, Suzy Hart

  • 27 Mike Nelson on Feb 10, 2009 at 4:14 pm


    Great, want to email me at mike at rifftrax dot com?

  • 28 suzy hart on Feb 11, 2009 at 9:00 am

    Will do!

  • 29 ravegod on Feb 11, 2009 at 9:42 am

    I’m forced to say this bacon blog is lame (that or fake) – No daily updates on how you are feeling, how much bacon consumed, how much of the 4 liquids allowed are being consumed, shit reports, health updates, tales of woe etc etc.

  • 30 Dean-o on Feb 11, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    I could do without shit reports.

  • 31 dave kingston on Feb 12, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    good luck,
    may i suggest the 5lb superpak
    from a Smart-n-Final or a Costco.
    It’ll save you a lot of $.
    DK-bacon lover

  • 32 Jess on Feb 13, 2009 at 11:05 am

    There is.
    Smart Bacon
    If you cook it with a bit of oil they actually curl up like bacon :x

  • 33 Animals are food (except pets) on Feb 15, 2009 at 2:38 pm

    Vegans are the devil incarnate. RESPECT THE NATURAL ORDER!

  • 34 jenifersf on Feb 15, 2009 at 8:42 pm

    I got some Farmland because of this post. And I have to say, it is quite delicious.

    (My favorite way to cook bacon is to put it in a medium-sized pyrex bowl and microwave it. I don’t have to have my cooked bacon in long strips. In the bowl they curl up pretty good but are still delicious. I save the grease and fry veggies in it.)

  • 35 防犯カメラ on Apr 27, 2011 at 1:22 am

    ペン型 ビデオカメラ:

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