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Naturally occurring Torgo

February 16th, 2009 by Mike Nelson · 68 Comments

Torgo, the big-thighed, goat-voiced and hygiene-challenged minion from the film “Manos: the Hands of Fate” is clearly without equal.

Torgo knees

However, Torgos do rarely occur in the wild, as these photos, taken from my car by my wife and me while waiting for a left turn signal in Murrieta, California, prove.

torgo 2

The Master has his office in the area, and I imagine Torgo just had some legal things to go over with him: the many, many lawsuits stemming from Torgo’s clumsy, hair-fondling advances on women, as well as the necessary waivers and licenses allowing them to hold all night ladies wrestling tournaments.

torgo 1
(The photos don’t make it clear – I just couldn’t get any closer – but he did indeed appear to have abnormally large thighs. I cannot explain it, I merely report what I saw with my own eyes.)

Tags: RiffTrax

68 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Walter on Feb 16, 2009 at 9:01 am

    That pizza delivery job was just to make it through law school.

  • 2 BEMaven on Feb 16, 2009 at 9:30 am

    You couldn’t get any closer?

    Why?… Does the scent of bacon excite him?

  • 3 j. cunningham on Feb 16, 2009 at 9:41 am

    Judging by those thighs this man (we’ll call him Torgeaux) is guided through life with one simple mantra…. “eat some corn”

  • 4 Rob on Feb 16, 2009 at 9:46 am

    It’s a shame you couldn’t wait until he started walking to see if his theme music is still present.

  • 5 gammerita on Feb 16, 2009 at 9:58 am

    Okay, I gotta say it…Mike, you were in Murrieta?!? I thought this place was just sorta a big desert-y hole that folks drove around on the way to LA…

    (That, and whereabouts was our big-kneed friend hobbling around, that I might now pass by it with a sort of creepy suspicion?)

  • 6 Eric Fell on Feb 16, 2009 at 10:18 am

    That’s amazing.

    But once you see Coily in the wild, that’s when there’s gonna be trouble.

  • 7 Matt on Feb 16, 2009 at 10:29 am

    How utterly wondrous!

  • 8 Botch on Feb 16, 2009 at 10:34 am

    Nice to see him employed in these economic tough times. His skill set is very acute and doesn’t allow much diversity. Looks like he saved up some cash over the years and got himself a schnazzy hat. Congrats Torgo!

  • 9 Neal_with_an_"a" on Feb 16, 2009 at 11:04 am

    It’s amazing what a bath and a change of clothes can do for one’s self-confidence.

    Go Torgo, go!

  • 10 David with a D on Feb 16, 2009 at 11:16 am

    i love you, Mike Nelson.

  • 11 Tork_110 on Feb 16, 2009 at 11:44 am

    Let me know when you see any pixie-haired brunettes who love dancing and cars.

  • 12 Barry on Feb 16, 2009 at 11:46 am

    At first, I couldn’t figure out why you were talking about this during your bacon marathon. But then I realized – wrapped in that newspaper, held close to his chest, this demi-Torgo is carrying bacon.

  • 13 2-fisted fighting Jesus on Feb 16, 2009 at 11:50 am

    Torgo the White has become Torgo the Dark & Light Blue. The end is nigh.

  • 14 Katie M. on Feb 16, 2009 at 11:56 am

    Nice to see things looking up for the wily goat-man. Especially glad to see that the Master gave him his hand back!

  • 15 R.A. Roth on Feb 16, 2009 at 12:07 pm

    The Master wants Torgo to get a bag of dog treats for his hellish hound.

    Randy

  • 16 gettingideas on Feb 16, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    That is clearly a picture of Harvey Fierstein doing some character research – in the remake of Manos (tenatively titled “Manos 2k9″), Torgo is a much more complex (and talkative) character. I’m crossing my fingers in the hope that rumors of Timothy Dalton as the Master are true!

  • 17 jfe on Feb 16, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    So, Mr. Nelson, did it get you in the mood to be Torgo again? A bacon eating Torgo at that!

  • 18 Elizabeth Young on Feb 16, 2009 at 3:15 pm

    It’s nice to see him in a jaunty hat and denim…casual fridays in hell must be sweet

  • 19 AJ on Feb 16, 2009 at 3:32 pm

    Holy heck there Mike, if he’d had seen you, he would have probably clobbered you! You are indeed a brave man!

  • 20 Remmie Barrow on Feb 16, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    Careful there…Startle a Torgo in the wild…and he will tend to stumble.

  • 21 Michael Crawford on Feb 16, 2009 at 4:56 pm

    Dear God, I nearly wet myself when I saw that. Well done, Mike, on spotting the rare free-range Torgo. That’s absolutely amazing. Glad to see he’s doing well for himself – I guess he picked up a sweet severance package when Michael took over running the Lodge. Maybe he’s working in labor relations litigation – the firm of Torgo, Mitchell & Krankor LLC.

    If you see Mr. B Natural around anywhere be sure to note the exact time and address, and send it to me ASAP.

  • 22 Yanni on Feb 16, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    Maybe he was headed to the North American Torgo Look-Alike convention.

  • 23 Mr. Alexander on Feb 16, 2009 at 7:17 pm

    Of all the scenarios where your wife is taking high-zoomed photos of a man whose thighs have caught her eye, this is probably the least damaging to the relationship.

    Also, I’m glad to see old Torgo managed to spontaneously regenerate his missing hand…

    On a side note, my sainted father has dressed up as Torgo no less than three times, complete with a portable DVD player hidden in his pocket, running the MANOS disc’s main menu to keep the Haunting Theme looping…

  • 24 Mike Nelson on Feb 16, 2009 at 11:34 pm

    Of all the scenarios where your wife is taking high-zoomed photos of a man whose thighs have caught her eye, this is probably the least damaging to the relationship.

    I thought this, too… at first. Sadly, she has left me for Torgo. And this after showing her the extensive and detailed photos I’d taken of my own thighs.

  • 25 Ben on Feb 17, 2009 at 4:50 am

    Hmm…perhaps this Torgo should be returned to the wild wild of the forests and set free. Did you consider capturing him and taking him out to maybe Palm Springs or elsewhere, where he could be rolled from out of your car door (at speed)?

  • 26 Houndstooth Mind on Feb 17, 2009 at 9:39 am

    And yer feeling certain there’s nothing else going on this month that might have caused the missus to make a dash into the arms of the Torgo Love Machine?

  • 27 Constantine on Feb 17, 2009 at 10:14 am

    Balderdash! Everyone knows Torgo is a myth! Clearly these photos are of a Bigfoot *disguised* as a Torgo. It’s the only plausible explanation.

  • 28 Edgewriter on Feb 17, 2009 at 10:31 am

    Oddly enough the Rowsdower occurs much more often in the wild. I have sighted Rowsdowers in about all 50 states. There are about 12 of them that appear periodically in my own town here in Idaho.

  • 29 Earl Fando on Feb 17, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    Mike,

    You are obviously one of the most acclaimed Torgo experts on the planet. However, are you certain it wasn’t a Torgo decoy? For all you know, Eeyagh or Dropo could have been laying in wait around a street corner.

    I have heard that Mars needs bacon, so please be more careful in future.

  • 30 Earl Fando on Feb 17, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    Of course I meant “Eegah” and not “Eeyagh,” which is the sound I make whenever Arch Hall Jr.’s teletubby-like face appears on screen.

    Obviously, I can’t spell Cro-Magnon.

  • 31 AJ on Feb 17, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    So, your wife likes clumsy hair fondlers huh? You should have practiced more!

  • 32 Kelly on Feb 17, 2009 at 10:09 pm

    I think your post is kind of cruel, the way my heart leapt.

  • 33 Joyless Prole on Feb 18, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    Torgo spotting. Who’d have thunk? Of all the crazy characters in all the mst3k movies he has to be the best.

  • 34 valdisfox on Feb 18, 2009 at 6:32 pm

    I’m speechless… first, the orgasmic high of spotting a free-range Torgo, once thought to be extinct in the wild (by the way, that is the only context in which it is okay to say ‘orgasmic’ and ‘Torgo’ in the same sentence), followed by the crushing loss of your beloved to the very same… and all during Bacon Stupidity month, no less. I imagine you, alone in front of the frying pan, halfheartedly frying up bacon, haunted by the eerie “Torgo” theme, over and over and over. I tried to mail you a note of sympathy, but the post office said the slices of raw bacon I had put in the card were “hazardous.” It’s a heartless, bacon-hating world sometimes.

  • 35 valdisfox on Feb 18, 2009 at 6:42 pm

    It’s okay Earl, I’m not certain, but I think “Eeyagh” was the name for Richard Kiel’s character in the Yiddish or Serbian-language version of Eegah. I recommend watching those versions, in which Arch Hall Jr’s singing was overdubbed with the sound of cooked animal bones being crushed at a rendering factory, a HUGE improvement over the original =^.^=

  • 36 Miqel on Feb 18, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    Has anyone here seen the ‘Futurama’ Movie called “Bender’s Big Score”?

    It’s obvious that Torgo’s new set of spiffy clothes and briefcase full of documents are related to royalty payments from his best selling future product “TORGO’s EXECUTIVE POWDER” (google it if you don’t know what i’m talking about!!!)
    A product featured as a major part of the Futurama movie … a multi-purpose powder used as an industrial solvent, food seasoning, body powder, high grade explosive, infant formula, aftershave and 100’s of other uses!

  • 37 Earl Fando on Feb 19, 2009 at 7:35 am

    “…a HUGE improvement over the original”

    I can imagine… in both tone and rhythm.

  • 38 Scott on Feb 19, 2009 at 10:03 pm

    If you come up to San Gabriel be sure to try a local mexican restaurant, Chanos. Every time we pass by we think Chanos, the Restaurant Of Fate.
    Check out the menu (and the typeface)
    http://www.sporq.com/sangabriel/chanosrestaurant/1030elastunasdr

  • 39 Mary Arline on Feb 23, 2009 at 8:42 am

    I was just going to remark that I’ve twice come upon a naturally occurring Rowsdower in the laundry room of my apartment complex. I was lucky to sight one at such close range since they are reclusive and spook easily.

  • 40 Scurvy Jake’s Pirate Blog » Blog Archive » Naturally Occurring Mr. T on May 21, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    [...] the spirit of Naturally Occurring Torgo, I’d like to start a Naturally Occurring Mr. T [...]

  • 41 DIY Clowning | ThriftHorror on May 16, 2010 at 6:07 am

    [...] got this reject from the cast-call for the all-clown version of Manos: The Hands of Fate. Or perhaps some strange mascot from a martial arts college with an unusually well-developed sense [...]

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