This is a Street Shark figure. His name is “Moby Lick.” I cannot verify this, but wikipedia claims that his motto is “I blow them away!”
Yes, during the course of research* today, I’ve stumbled into the Street Sharks universe, (I should say back into, as the Street Sharks figures were often heavily discounted during high school and I would purchase them for friends as gag gifts. I gave out many a Moby Lick in my day.) It appears to be one of the stupidest things I’ve ever encountered.
I was asking a friend if he remembered them, and he said yes, that he had some, and he wondered which shark was the one that had the roller blades. After perusing the list of Street Sharks, I determined that it was likely “Blades”, no doubt because of the following exchange:
Mattel CEO: “We need a name for the Street Shark who will always be wearing roller blades…”
Mattel VP: “How about ‘Roller Blades’?”
Mattel CEO: “This is what I pay you for?!?! You’re fired! Get out of my office!”
Mattel Junior VP: “Sir, how about…’Blades’?
Mattel CEO: “Genius! Take that other guy’s desk and company car!
But the highlight of the Street Sharks page, as well as the page of the “Extreme Dinosaurs” (the inevitable spin-off, which somehow appears to have even less thought/effort put into it), is the list of episode names:
Some Street Sharks episodes:
- Jurassic Shark
- Shark to the Future
- To Shark or Not to Shark
- Close Encounters of the Shark Kind
- Card Sharks
- Space Sharks
- Sir Sharkalot
- 20,000 Sharks Under the Sea
- Sharkotic Reaction
- Shark-apolypse Now!
Some Extreme Dinosaurs episodes:
- Agent Double O Dinosaurs
- Incredible Shrinking Dinosaurs
- Have a Nice Daynosaur
- A Few Good Dinosaurs
- Bullzeye Surfs The Web
- Jurassic Art
- Earth VS. The Flying Raptors
- The Raptor Who Would Be King
- Night of the Living Pumpkins (???)
- A Bone to Pick
- Bones of Contention
The Extreme Dinosaurs episodes disappointingly veer from the tried and true Street Sharks naming convention, (Replace random word in title with “Shark”), but I am willing to forgive it for episodes with names like “Zogwalla-Con”
So my challenge for you guys is to visit the wikipedia pages for Street Sharks and/or Extreme Dinosaurs, read up on characters such as Power Bite Piranoid – Half Human / Half Piranha (Motto: “Those sharks are fishtory!”) and Porcupine McVells (He lends [the Extreme Dinosaurs] a “crock-pot” to use as an incubator for the then-unhatched egg that would later become Stegz’s pet Ostrich, Ditto.)
Once you have immersed yourself in the Sharkiverse, take one of the episode titles for either series, write a brief summary of what happens in that episode and post it in the comments. The winner will have an abundance** of RiffTrax showered upon them!
*Yes, research. You might not have heard, but we have a RiffTrax of “Jaws” coming out next week
**Technical term meaning between five and ten dollars worth