I knew nothing about the street sharks and even less about the jonas brothers.

I hope you enjoy it half as much as I enjoy your work.

[this reply has my proper email]

El Swordo is having a free show in downtown Fission City. Rox and Streex are providing music for El Swordo’s performance. The other Bolton’s are watching from the crowd. They think the show is Jawsome. Around the corner, the Jonas Brothers are having a free concert as well.

Watching their tweenie flock depart for the likes of El Swordo aggravates Nick Jonas. “I’m gonna filet ‘em with his own swords…” Nick Jonas muttered to himself.
“I might be able to help you with that.” Sneered Dr. Paradigm as he exits the shadows.

He explains to the Jonas Brothers that he can give them the power to be more than the Bolton’s can ever be. Dr. Paradigm gives each of the brothers a syringe. Before Joe could ask what to do, Kevin already has his belt around his arm, tapping his veins up. Nick, Joe and Dr. Paradigm are looking at him when Dr. Paradigm speaks up, “You stick it in your ass.”

“So, baby, what say we go and… ‘Cut to the Quick’?” Streex cheesily asks the pretty girl next to him.
She looks him over with a disgusted smirk, “Aren’t you ‘Blades’ on Facebook? Hmpf, ‘Cut to the Quick’ is what I heard.”

After various slapstick attempts at sabotaging the El Swordo show, the Jonas Brothers crash their trailer through the stage. The audience goes silent until the Jonas Brothers emerge from the trailer. Then the audience flees in terror [insert Lena Mack cameo], leaving the Bolton boys before the stage. Jab replies for the group, “Jawsome entrance!”

Ripster, Jab and Streex handle the Jonas Brothers nicely until Dr. Piranoid emerges and forces the mutation in the Jonas Brothers to become the Beast, a towering musical monstrosity blended of silk suits, black locks and promise rings. The Beast makes quick work of Jab before moving on to the others.

Jab has no choice now but to transform into Jet Pack Jab, $9.95 at major retail chains, by putting on his jet pack. Launching into the air, he cries out, “The Sky is the Limit… Is my favorite Lil’ Wayne song!” Dr. Piranoid technobabbles the jet pack into malfunctioning, leaving Jab to the will of the Beast.

The Beast has Jab pinned when Big Slammu steps up and bellows, “One – two, Big Slammu!” and performs his Seismic Slam. Everyone and everything is tossed for a 2 block radius. The Beast falls back into a beverage table spilling [Barq’s Root Beer] over his pant leg. [Edited- per Coca-Cola]

“That stain will never come out!” the Beast roared, “I’ve had it, this ends now!” The Beast grabs El Swordo and slams him into the Jonas Brothers trailer, “With you out of the way, the Jonas Brothers shall rule the Tween Scene, Ha-ha-ha!”

Realizing the Beast’s weakness, Ripster grabs the [Barq’s] super-keg and busts it over the Beast’s head showering all in [classic root beer goodness]. Bound by the super-keg, the Beast stops and starts to cry over its ruined clothes and hair. Jab pulls off his jet pack and asks where Dr. Piranoid went. Nobody was really concerned; they were watching the Beast sob itself to death.

Ripster strolls to his brothers as they drip with [Barq’s classic root beer goodness],”You know what I always say, [Barq’s has Bite and] Bite is Might.”
El Swordo pulls himself out of the smashed trailer, covered in a stringy brown substance. Pulling some off for a better look, El Swordo smells it, “What is this? Chewing Tobacco?”
Big Slammu’s eyes grow wide and he pushes to the front of his brothers, “You’ve got chew? JAWSOME!”

Fission City is rocked by an ongoing string of decapitation murders.

The Police, in an effort to quell the fears of the citizenry, arrest Moby Lick on flimsy, circumstantial evidence. This enrages the women of Fission City to the point of a near-riot outside the county jail where Mr. Lick is being held. The sheriff reluctantly accedes to the female mob and releases the prisoner.

Meanwhile, the Bolton family investigate the Seaviates’ lair for clues. They discover that their trusted ally Lena Mack has been feeding Dr. Piranoid information about the Bolton’s in exchange for undisclosed favours to be provided by Repteel.

They are further shocked to learn that that their father, Dr. Robert Bolton, hides from the world not due to his unalterable transformation, but rather, due to the fact that he suffered a rather embarrassing wound at the “hands” of the true culprit in the decapitation murders, Clambo.

Clambo is arrested but somehow persuades the policeman assigned to guard duty to allow him to escape.

As Big Slammu works vigorously at his drum lessons with Streex, Jab eagerly preps for an upcoming shark gig at a local night club. The entire Bolton shiver(a word for a group of sharks) comes out to support him, but with some talent sharks present, Joey faces public humilia-shark after Phyllis Dillshark interrupts his act, and sharks the show. Jab decides to put an end to his comedic career. In the chummy wake of this revelation, he makes an overnight shark decision to put on a fancy shark skin suit, change his name to Joe, and become a serious business-shark. Now that he is walking around with a briefcase and calling himself a comic failure, Big Slammu, who has been struggling with his music lessons, follows Jab’s lead and quits. Now that his shark behavior is impacting the sharks he loves, will Jab be motivated to re-examine his recent choices?

It just needed some more of the word shark, really.

This episode introduces a *NEW* character: ‘Baconz’. He is voiced by Mike Nelson(RiffTrax, MST3K, Film Crew).

Scene 1:

T-Bone, Stegz and Baconz are hanging out at the Pitz.

T-Bone: “So what you guys wanna do?”

Stegz: “Well….We could go hang out with Spike and Hardrock?”

Baconz: “We could go kill us some pigs and fry them up? I LOVE teh BACON”(trademark)

T-Bone: “Uhh dude……Most Dinosaurs are vegitarians…”

Stegz: “Yeah Baconz……Chill out man….Eat some flowerz…..”

Baconz: “Gonna cut me some pork and eat it RAWZ!!!!” *does a little jig*

T-Bone: “Woah dude! We’re gonna’ call you Captain Pork! LOLZ!” *everyone laughs*

Scene 23

A Baconsaurus is attacking the village.

T-Bone: “Help! The Baconsaurus is bustin’ up the town rawz!”

Spike: “I ain’t no match for that thing! Where the hell is Baconz?…..This is right up his alley!”

*Suddenly a naked Baconz shows up….Armed only with a Machete…..*

Baconz: “Everyone get back!…Give me some room!….” *Slashing motions*

T-Bone: “Jeez Baconz put some clothes on!”

*Becky Scarwell faints*

*Baconz slits the belly of the Baconsaurus and climbs inside….”*

Stegz: “Go to it bacon dude! Eat him teh rawz! LolZ!”

* 5 hours later…Baconz has finished eating his way out…*

T-Bone: “All hail Captain Pork!” *Fireworks and celebrations ensue*

Baconz: “Thanks guys! Boy…I don’t ever wanna’ see another piece of pork!”

T-Bone: “WHAT? ……But we got you a little present?!” *Gives Baconz a slab of smoke cured bacon*

Baconz: *shrugs shoulders* “You shouldn’t have!” *Takes a bite*

*Everyone laughs*

The End

The Street Sharks come across a card throwing guy who calls himself Gambit, who introduces them to Wolverine, Magneto, Cable Guy, Drunk Hobo and there’s also a ninja, and pirates, and explosions, and my dad can toss dwarfs further than your dad. It’s totally true, you guys. Wait, what was I supposed to do again? Hey, I just thought of a creepy hero name; Molesto. I also believe inhibition is overrated. *Sugar induced coma sets in*

So was that ‘fluke’ pun.

Something so ridiculous and funny to me that i’ve been saying for YEARS thanks to Street Sharks. For some reason, it’s stuck with me ever since I saw their toy commercials. I’m almost scared to actually check Youtube.

I actually have no recollection of the cartoon though. Which is weird cause I used to love watching all the really horrible cartoons like Iron Man and Double Dragon. The worse the cartoon the more Jawsome.

Late one night in the candlelit bedroom, as Jab brushes Ripster’s luxurious blonde hair with fraternal affection, the latter reveals his secret admiration on their new neighbour, Mr Darcy. Jab in turn declares his undying love for Darcy’s great friend, Bingley. The two make a pact never to breathe a word to anyone of their clandestine crushes.

However, the very next day, as the two eldest shark brothers sit in the drawing room contentedly crocheting, the younger siblings Big Slammu and Streex can clearly be heard bellowing a new skipping song Ripster and Darcy in a tree…kay eye essess eye engee

Furious and tearful, Ripster throws his half-finished embroidery onto the floor and storms from the room crying “But you promised never to tell! I’ll never share anything with you ever again!”

Musical interlude

After much apologising, weeping and hugs, the two brothers are reunited over a nice cup of tea.

Fin.

A Killer Whale (Orca) can outright destroy any shark is comes up against, that will attack it, that is.

The only shark know to leap out of the water is a great white. It only does this around Seal Island, off the coast of southern Africa. Jaws’ stunt with the Orca (the boat) can’t actually happen.

The largest shark to have ever existed was the Megladon, a shark that could reach the size of four city buses, weigh 10 tons and had a jaw size of six feet. It may have become extinct quite a long time ago, but since we’ve only discovered 2% of our oceans, it could still be out there.

My name is Laura, and I love sharks. But I hate water.

Now I dare someone to make a Street Sharks/ Re-Animator fanfic.

As Big Slammu works vigorously at his drum lessons with Streex, Jab eagerly preps for an upcoming gig at a local night club. The entire Bolton family comes out to support him, but with some talent sharks present, Joey faces public humiliation after Phyllis Diller interrupts his act, and hogs the show. Jab decides to put an end in his comedic career. In the wake of this revelation, he makes an overnight decision to put on a fancy suit, change his name to Joe, and become a serious shark businessman. Now that he is walking around with a briefcase and calling himself a comic failure, Big Slammu, who has been struggling with his music lessons, follows Jab’s lead and quits. Now that his behavior is impacting the sharks he loves, will Jab be motivated to re-examine his recent choices?