The RiffTrax Blog header image 1

Michael J. Nelson, 3/1/09

February 19th, 2009 by Bill Corbett · 56 Comments

Looked into my Futurociter today and found some pictures of Mike. As low-carb advocates might predict, Month O’ Bacon will actually make him lose a great deal of weight. But very-near-future Mike seems changed in subtler ways:

bacon man  1 2 3

bacon man 4

bacon man 3 1

… With thanks to NetDiva, who made the FrankenBacon above (”BaconStein” seems wrong); and to all who alerted me to this delicious, hickory-smoked golem.

Tags: RiffTrax

56 responses so far ↓

  • 1 mrbasehart on Feb 19, 2009 at 12:13 pm

    For one terrifying moment, I thought you’d built the thing yourself.

  • 2 Arwen on Feb 19, 2009 at 12:15 pm

    Does this make anyone else think of the wicker man?

  • 3 Lord Bob on Feb 19, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    Wow. Rifftrax recording sessions must be awkward while Bill and Kevin are trying to eat Mike’s arms.

  • 4 Bill Corbett on Feb 19, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    Well… that’s nothing new, really.

  • 5 Incurable Insomniac on Feb 19, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    It’s really disturbing that someone would spend so much time imagining and making that thing…

    And you’re right. “Baconstein” sounds wrong. How about the actual German: “Speckstein”?

  • 6 Walter on Feb 19, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    But if that bacon is there, it means I’m not eating it.

  • 7 N8 on Feb 19, 2009 at 12:38 pm

    I totally agree. How’d it get burned?!

  • 8 Bonnie on Feb 19, 2009 at 12:55 pm

    I was thinking the exact same thing.

  • 9 Gina on Feb 19, 2009 at 12:56 pm

    Bill and NetDiva (and Mike too, I suppose), thanks in advance for the nightmares!

  • 10 Mr. Alexander on Feb 19, 2009 at 12:59 pm

    Am I to assume there’s a pig’s brain suspended inside that Amish meat basket head?

  • 11 michael on Feb 19, 2009 at 1:00 pm

    or the Burning Man

  • 12 Rob T Firefly on Feb 19, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    Win Bacon Stein’s money.

  • 13 Ninjew on Feb 19, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    It’s a prop from “The Bacon-Witch Project”

  • 14 Mr. Alexander on Feb 19, 2009 at 1:31 pm

    No redneck is this creative!!

  • 15 awfulgoodmovies on Feb 19, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    Is he wearing bacon clothes or is he nude in those photos?!…… And if he’s nude….Where’s his ‘thingy’? ?

  • 16 Bill Corbett on Feb 19, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    “Amish Meat Basket Head” is the name of my improv troupe.

  • 17 Darth Chimay on Feb 19, 2009 at 1:35 pm

    Not the pigs! NOT THE PIGS!!!!

  • 18 AlexB on Feb 19, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    Good lord, that head is WOVEN bacon. Are there any other meats one can weave with?

  • 19 Lord Bob on Feb 19, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    (testily) It’s Bah-kohn-steen!

  • 20 OxfordProle on Feb 19, 2009 at 2:01 pm

    Holy God. Mike has developed devil horns of bacon! I don’t know whether to be horrified or hungry.

  • 21 Ryan on Feb 19, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    So, Mike became even more awesome? I didn’t know that was possible.

  • 22 davehop on Feb 19, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    It’s confirmed: Mike is officially “yummy”. He has whittled down to swine flesh and no bones.

  • 23 Remmie Barrow on Feb 19, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    So that’s Mike as of the first of March, Huh?…Must have shrunk, don’t ya think?

  • 24 AJ on Feb 19, 2009 at 3:14 pm

    Ha haaaah! I almost spat my tea all over the screen when I saw that!

    So very cool!

  • 25 Barry on Feb 19, 2009 at 3:40 pm

    When I looked into my futurociter, all I saw was that the future involves us all having really big foreheads.

  • 26 NanoRiffite on Feb 19, 2009 at 3:42 pm

    Bacon Stein, brother of Ben Stein.

  • 27 Laura on Feb 19, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    I love you.

  • 28 ShutterBun on Feb 19, 2009 at 5:38 pm

    The centerpiece for this years “Sizzling Man” celebration was not as grand as the event’s organizers had hoped…

  • 29 Ryan on Feb 19, 2009 at 5:45 pm

    What do you mean? It is useless, fattening and an eyesore. Those are the only things rednecks put any creativity into.

  • 30 Constantine on Feb 19, 2009 at 6:07 pm

    Is anyone else hungry?

  • 31 Constantine on Feb 19, 2009 at 6:08 pm

    Mike is actually quite short in person. Depending on the temperature, he stands anywhere between 2 and 3.5 feet.

  • 32 karen on Feb 19, 2009 at 6:10 pm

    2nded

  • 33 Mr. Alexander on Feb 19, 2009 at 6:33 pm

    Even more than the bacon man himself, I’m disturbed by all those tools and parcel supplies on the table. Are government offices going to start receiving packages filled with unidentified grease?

  • 34 OxfordProle on Feb 19, 2009 at 6:50 pm

    “Depending on the temperature, he stands anywhere between 2 and 3.5 feet.”

    I can’t really explain why, but this is the funniest damn thing I’ve read all day. Well done. :)

  • 35 valdisfox on Feb 19, 2009 at 7:10 pm

    Good point, guys… but… *ulp* I don’t want ANY bacon made from, or touched by, a sacrificed Edward Woodward or Nick Cage, depending on which version you watch. Though I suspect the Cage bacon to be smokier (yet tougher) than its mild English cousin. Ick! I don’t want to be thinking about this!!

  • 36 Ben Stein on Feb 19, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    I’m krispy AND kosherriffic!!

  • 37 valdisfox on Feb 19, 2009 at 7:18 pm

    Yes, very. But… are we SURE that’s actually Mike? Not just some bacon-y homage to Mike? Bill, I love Mike’s riffs with you Kevin, but were any of us left alone with 2.5 to 3 feet (depending on temperature, as per Constantine ;) of bacon, we’d be minus a riffer. I WOULD be remorseful about if, of course. Full, yes, but… very remorseful.

  • 38 valdisfox on Feb 19, 2009 at 7:21 pm

    I have to stop staring at the photo now. I keep imagining the bacon golem, teetering and stumbling around, waving his crispy little arms, singing “Whaaaat… would you do…… if I sang….. out a tune…..” =^.^=

  • 39 Nick Fechter on Feb 19, 2009 at 7:41 pm

    Wow, I’m going to have disturbing nightmares tonight!

  • 40 rebisaz on Feb 19, 2009 at 9:30 pm

    Wow, that high-protein, low-carb diet really DOES make you lose weight. I’m in!

  • 41 James Shearhart on Feb 19, 2009 at 10:29 pm

    Ya know, it’s not Burning Man unless someone’s tits are painted blue, and someone else is driving a ‘71 Ford Pinto converted into a fish that dispenses margaritas from a firehose. Also, bacon is the Official Monetary Unit of Burning Man….

  • 42 jenifersf on Feb 19, 2009 at 11:17 pm

    I…want…to eat him.

  • 43 Erica on Feb 20, 2009 at 6:26 am

    I haven’t read through the comments surrounding the Month o’Bacon, so forgive me if someone has already brought your attention to this website:
    This Is Why You’re Fat
    http://thisiswhyyourefat.com/

    Featuring The McNuggetini, Carny Casserole, Bacon Explosion Wellington, etc… it might at least give Mike some fresh ideas for bacon consumption.

    -Erica

  • 44 Mr. Alexander on Feb 20, 2009 at 7:04 am

    I’m not sure that Stein’s monotone can actually vocalize exclamation points…

  • 45 Earl Fando on Feb 20, 2009 at 7:25 am

    Not burned… smoked.

    I doubt the pagans in either film used hickory, mesquite, or even applewood.

  • 46 Earl Fando on Feb 20, 2009 at 7:28 am

    I think the words “this is a family site” might explain that.

    The other possibility is that it wound up on someone’s plate, which is somewhat disturbing from a psychoanalytical point of view.

  • 47 Earl Fando on Feb 20, 2009 at 7:31 am

    After all the “eating” jokes, I think the most disturbing thing about this bacon golem is how much it looks like a character from a Tim Burton stop-motion animation film.

    It’s one thing to imagine that a trained culinary artist hadled all that bacon. It’s quite another to imagine Tim Burton had his mitts all over it.

  • 48 Mr. Slick on Feb 20, 2009 at 8:01 am

    “It’s BEAUTIFUL!!!”

  • 49 abyssgazer on Feb 20, 2009 at 8:50 am

    Apologies if this has already been posted, but I think it would make a great gift for the compulsive bacon-eater in one’s life. Or an epitaph for the soon-to-be late Michael J. Nelson.

    http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=21302066

  • 50 jfe on Feb 20, 2009 at 3:35 pm

    Could it be that THE MASTER did this to Mr. Nelson after he discovered Torgo?
    Aside from that, how is this thing glued together?

  • 51 Geena on Feb 22, 2009 at 1:00 am

    None worth mentioning.

  • 52 Earl Fando on Feb 22, 2009 at 11:37 am

    On the contrary, certain types of beef jerky lend themselves to weaving, as well as the really long varieties of Slim Jims.

    While the effect is not as stunning, both visually and gastronomically, as that of bacon, I’d argue that they’re at least worth a mention.

    I understand lutefisk can be woven as well, but only into a soppy mess of a cardigan.

  • 53 Earl Fando on Feb 22, 2009 at 11:39 am

    Bacon drippings, I expect. When it cools, it’s quite the adhesive.

    I may be mistaken, but that would be the purist’s method.

  • 54 jfe on Feb 22, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    sounds logical and quite pure.

  • 55 meat.pro is meat you can’t beat » Bacon, Bacon Everywhere...And, Oh My Pants Did Shrink! on May 26, 2009 at 3:08 pm

    [...] an entire month. As he has struggled through February, a reader has produced a bacon effigy, dubbed FrankenBacon, to demonstrate the aftereffects of too much pork. For those of us who are sometimes haunted by the [...]