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Shopping habits of Dunkaroos purchasers

February 23rd, 2009 by Conor Lastowka · 24 Comments

While looking up whether or not Dunkaroos still exist, (they do), I found this confounding graphic on Amazon.

dunkaroos.png

These items are “frequently” bought together?  Really?  A box of 14 six-packs of Cinnamon Dunkaroos with Vanilla frosting and sprinkles, a variety pack of 24 Dunkaroos (you’d have to imagine half Cinnamon/Vanilla & Sprinkles, half Honey/Chocolate) and a four pack of 14.2 ounce boxes of Rice Krispie Treats cereal?

Now, not for a moment do I doubt that the discerning Dunkaroos eaters out there would also be interested in eating Rice Krispie Treats cereal.  But let’s break this down just a little bit.

Let’s speculate as to how many people have used amazon.com to purchase Dunkaroos.  I think it would be fair to say that we would all be shocked if more than 1000 people had done this at some point in time in their lives.  And how many of these people look at their box of 84 packs of Cinnamon Graham with Vanilla Frosting and Sprinkles Dunkaroos and think, “I’d like another flavor.  Now, I know I already have a lot of Cinnamon Graham with Vanilla Frosting and Sprinkles Dunkaroos, but I really want Honey Graham with Chocolate Frosting Dunkaroos, and frankly, if I have to buy 12 more packs of Cinnamon Graham with Vanilla Frosting and Sprinkles to get them, so be it.”

Again, you would be floored, utterly astounded if a quarter of the dunkaroos purchasers, 250 people, had ever done this.

And THEN, how many of those 250 people think that the perfect way to cap off this order would be four boxes of Rice Krispy Treats Cereal? Three? You’d eat your hat if there were three.

You and I know full well that this has never happened. It would be a miracle.  And yet, Amazon claims it happens “Frequently”.

Which either means one of two things: that the Amazon robots are just upselling random combinations of crap and hoping we won’t notice, or that humanity as a whole is quite different than I have spent my entire life believing.  And, I’m sad to say, I’m leaning towards option B.

Tags: RiffTrax · food

24 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Mr. Alexander on Feb 23, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    To me, the real question is why not just eat Dizzy Grizzlies, which are pre-dunked, and save yourself a step? It’s this kind of Dunkaroo-esque, inefficient bloat that’s gotten our economy where it is today…

  • 2 Nick Fechter on Feb 23, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    Hmmm, looks like Connor found a new monthly diet to top Mike’s…..

  • 3 Casey on Feb 23, 2009 at 1:57 pm

    I actually considered using Amazon.com to purchase Dunkaroos. I, not too long ago, vividly recalled the joy of devouring large quantities of the cream stuff (and the occasional cookie) and it creating a frenzied desire to find them once again. But it had been years and I was certain there were no longer made…

    unitil I wondered into a local Dollar General and saw that they carry them for $2.50 a box. And so I purchased 4 boxes.

    These snacks are much like crack. I can ALMOST see someone paying such a some for this… divine ambrosia.

  • 4 Remmie Barrow on Feb 23, 2009 at 2:43 pm

    I don’t think anything could top Mike’s diet.

  • 5 Joyless Prole on Feb 23, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    That’s an eery coincidence, because I use that exact combination for cattle feed. Turns out to be cheaper than corn.

  • 6 betamax on Feb 23, 2009 at 3:30 pm

    the answer is simple. it’s micheal phelps.

    between a 12000 calorie diet and alleged pot use, this may very well be a bi-weekly order.

  • 7 Meredith on Feb 23, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    I was going to say something similar to betamax. It’s not that customer*s* were frequently purchasing those things…it’s that one dude who gets stoned a lot has that combination saved to his favorites and has ordered that ensemble 250 times.

  • 8 Wesley Stamper on Feb 23, 2009 at 7:51 pm

    Along these same lines, when one adds the movie “Bitch Slap” to their Netflix queue, the “More Like This” box contains “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”.
    The parallels Netflix sussed out betwixt the two films, I’m sure, will astound the high-brow sensibilities of the average Speilberg viewer.

    Post Script:
    I am unapologetic about my love for Lucy Lawless and Renee O’Connor.

  • 9 Havok on Feb 23, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    Is it bad that I actually enjoy Dunkaroos?
    Of course it’s been like two years since I’ve had them. But I got them from an actual grocery store.
    I didn’t know you could get them on the internet, though!!! I’m jealous of the Amazon fools who can do that!!

  • 10 Casey on Feb 23, 2009 at 8:23 pm

    Yes but it was hard to separate the cookie from the icing on the one side.. those were awesome as well… are they still around?

  • 11 Gina on Feb 23, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    You never know, Conor — it’s possible that people are having huge Dunkaroos/Rice Krispie treats parties all around us, and we just never knew about it.

    Come to think of it, this might be a good way to celebrate the end of Bacon Stupidity Month.

  • 12 Heather on Feb 23, 2009 at 11:01 pm

    The only people who buy Dunkaroos are the people who lack the moral courage to just eat straight out of a can of Betty Crocker Rich and Creamy Frosting.

  • 13 Brooke on Feb 24, 2009 at 12:12 am

    no no no, a photo of alleged pot use… very different from actual alleged pot use, not to be confused with pot use. the “photo of alleged use” being the worst option.

  • 14 Mr. Alexander on Feb 24, 2009 at 7:01 am

    I don’t know if they are still available, but they should be. I mean, if my small robots suffer Gumby-induced trauma, what other snack is going to comfort them?

  • 15 Raistlan on Feb 24, 2009 at 8:41 am

    I was wondering if it’s just an organization that buys snacks for kids frequently; like a camp of some sort, so those 3 things *do* get purchased together frequently, just not by many customers.

  • 16 Earl Fando on Feb 24, 2009 at 9:33 am

    I think it’s clear that the pot use is responsible for the 12000 calorie diet, which means he must be toking up every hour on the hour.

  • 17 Earl Fando on Feb 24, 2009 at 9:35 am

    My philosophy is that if you can’t put Marmite on it, it’s probably not worth eating anyway. Bacon + Marmite = Good. Rice Krispies Treats + Marmite = Wretched. Dunkaroos + Martmite = Don’t know. I’ve never had Dunkaroos.

  • 18 Emily on Feb 25, 2009 at 10:53 am

    i don’t know what to say except holy CRAP, dunkaroos. i haven’t thought about those in years. i’ve been looking for Koala Yummies myself. i really miss those. i hear they’re still available in Hawaii.

  • 19 Music-chan on Feb 26, 2009 at 12:25 pm

    More importantly, why is there a Grocery section on Amazon.com?

    EVEN MORE IMPORTANTLY, did anyone else notice the ACCESSORIES to Dunkaroos at the bottom of the page? Why is Fruit by the Foot an accessory to Dunkaroos?

    WHY, WORLD? WHY?

  • 20 Music-chan on Feb 26, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    I paged down further to check out the comments on dunkaroos. I think I might have solved the mystery of the “frequently bought” thing. Some people buy this stuff for their children at college. I bet they just send them a bunch of groceries or something.

    but my original question stands about the accessories.

  • 21 youmother@yahoo.com on Aug 17, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    I made this possible..I look those 2 up all the time..except for the 24 pack

  • 22 Jess on Oct 12, 2009 at 11:45 am

    Do NOT buy Dunkaroos. The taste is best left in your memory. I saw them as I was walking through BJs (bulk store) and quickly threw them in the cart. As soon as I got in the car, I tore them open and tried the cinnamon w/ vanilla frosting….the cookies burned my tongue and the chocolate frosting? Yuck, it tastes like plastic! Just remember the cute little commercial with the kangaroo jumping into the frosting!