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“Does whatever Hugh Jackman can…”

February 25th, 2009 by Bill Corbett · 40 Comments

Now that Wolverine has declared that The Musical is Back!! on Oscar night, Spidey wants to get in on the act:

    Webheads, get ready to experience the exploits of your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man in an entirely new, exciting way when “Spider-Man, Turn Off the Dark” opens on Broadway!

    Mark your calendars now, thwippers, “Spider-Man, Turn Off the Dark” opens on Thursday, February 18, 2010 at Broadway’s Hilton Theatre, 213 West 42nd Street. And some lucky Broadway goers will get to see the show when preview performances begin Saturday, January 16, 2010.

    [...SNIP...]

    Of course a show starring Spider-Man deserves all-star talent and “Turn Off the Dark” has it in spades! Tony┬« Award-winner Julie Taymor (”The Lion King,” “Across The Universe”) is not only directing the musical, but she shares writing credits with Glen Berger. Oh, but there’s more! Bono and The Edge, 22-time Grammy┬« Award-winning members of the legendary band U2 are creating new music and lyrics for the show!

“Spider-Man, Turn Off the Dark” (originally titled “Spider-Man, Would You Change That Lightbulb? You’re On the Ceiling Anyway”) is still being written and rehearsed, but a few videos have been snuck out:

SPIDEY DANCES HIS HEART OUT TO THE CLASSIC THEME.


SPIDEY COMES OUT OF THE WEB-FILLED CLOSET IN THE DANCE NUMBER “ARACHNID AND PROUD!”


Spiderman Boogie dance in the streets funny
Uploaded by vanderwild

SPIDEY GOES COUNTRY, PROVES HE’S AN ARTHROPOD OF THE PEOPLE.

Dancing SpiderMan Freak

…The irreverent, funny young man at the end of this last clip has been fired from the Broadway production for funniness and irreverence. In fact, he was personally fired by The Edge. Or an Edge, that much IS known.

Bono has already declared that Spider-Man “is a Christ figure like meself.”

Tags: RiffTrax

40 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Magic Whiskey on Feb 25, 2009 at 3:00 pm

    Oh, sweet pantsless Jesus.

  • 2 Zee on Feb 25, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    I thought it couldn’t get any worse, then it turns out Spider-Man had a clone.

  • 3 Lyndsey on Feb 25, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    This has got to be the gayest thing to hit Broadway.

  • 4 Jesse on Feb 25, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    A Spider Man musical? But, will Bonesaw be ready?

  • 5 Bill Corbett on Feb 25, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    Yes. Tommy Tune will be playing Bonesaw, and he will be ready.

    (To kiss Spider-Man.)

  • 6 AJ on Feb 25, 2009 at 3:37 pm

    I’d pay to see this, seriously.

  • 7 Onil on Feb 25, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    My only question is will the dance-fighting be as exciting as West Side Story’s?

  • 8 Remmie Barrow on Feb 25, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    It is disheartening to see a ledgedary comic-book superhero having to dance on a street corner for money.

  • 9 Constantine on Feb 25, 2009 at 4:54 pm

    The image of gay-spidey pole dancing shall forever haunt my nightmares.

    Thanks, Bill.

  • 10 DoughyGuy on Feb 25, 2009 at 4:56 pm

    Still less embarassing than the emo Parker Dance-Fest from Spiderman 3

  • 11 valdisfox on Feb 25, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    Aww, c’mon Remmie, it’s not /the/ Spiderman, just one of his helpers, dancing giddily for bemused or confused onlookers. Like one of Santa’s helpers. You know, I basically hated Spidey 3, and the idea of Huge “Wolverine” Barfjacketman talking about musicals in any context is disturbing at best. But one cannot deny the power of some shameless nut, cavorting his doughy self about in public just to make people smile. The dancer Spidey IS a hero, ‘cos it takes real courage to be such a happy git (and not get billy-clubbed by startled law enforcement, too).

  • 12 Heather on Feb 25, 2009 at 7:05 pm

    …And then the midget appeared on the scene, and the stark horror of it all slapped me in the face like a dying fish. I have not stopped screaming since. The neighbors are pounding on the wall. I know I’ll have to end it soon; the horror is all too much.

    Great. I can’t find my gun. Maybe Martin Sheen will show up with a machete and do me a favor.

    Thanks so much, Bill!

  • 13 Kevin Murphy on Feb 25, 2009 at 7:11 pm

    Am I mad, or is Spidey doing Napoleon Dynamite’s moves in that first video?

    –kwm

  • 14 randommanthefirst on Feb 25, 2009 at 8:17 pm

    Isn’t that kind of a redundant thing to say?

  • 15 randommanthefirst on Feb 25, 2009 at 8:19 pm

    Unfortunately, to answer that I’d have to admit to watching that movie, which I won’t.

  • 16 Laura on Feb 25, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    Bill:
    http://www.pown.it/?uid=98

    It has all your answers.

  • 17 randommanthefirst on Feb 25, 2009 at 8:23 pm

    If the real musical doesn’t contain dancing Russian spidermans (spidermen?) like that, I’m going to be extremely disappointed.

  • 18 Lyndsey on Feb 25, 2009 at 9:44 pm

    You’re right.

    This is the gayest thing ever to hit gay.

  • 19 Lyndsey on Feb 25, 2009 at 9:46 pm

    I thought the exact same thing.

    My nephew learned the Napoleon Dynamite dance for a dance festival and I can attest that he is, in fact.

  • 20 Montagthemagician on Feb 26, 2009 at 5:21 am

    Yay, the previews open on my birthday! It will make the perfect gift.

  • 21 Ben on Feb 26, 2009 at 6:24 am

    Sorry, but all forms of superhero dance are but a pale comparison to the immortal (and immoral) “Batusi”

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exhNT2_bHs8

  • 22 Earl Fando on Feb 26, 2009 at 6:33 am

    Well, he’s got the tights. It’s a wonder it’s taken him this long to start dancing.

    I guess some people also now have their idea of which way Spidey swings.

    Bono and the Edge have already done a song called the Fly, so a Spider-Man musical was inevitable.

  • 23 Earl Fando on Feb 26, 2009 at 6:35 am

    Possibly, but whoever is doing the choreography has to be really careful. the wrong kind of arm movements from Spidey and the entire floor audience of the theatre will be smothered in sticky web goo.

  • 24 Earl Fando on Feb 26, 2009 at 6:35 am

    And no, that was NOT a euphemism.

  • 25 Adam on Feb 26, 2009 at 7:44 am

    Wait, is this a real thing? For serious?!

    I guess someone somewhere decided I didn’t hate Bono enough already. And you know what? That person was RIGHT.

  • 26 Damon on Feb 26, 2009 at 7:51 am

    I was hoping that the midget would bring out his own bag and another, even tinier spiderman would come out to dance. I long for the day when they can clone that tiny spiderman..

  • 27 Adam on Feb 26, 2009 at 7:53 am

    Oh, also, how about some more alternative titles for this fever-dream of a show?

    My contributions:
    -”Spider-Man, Launder Your Bodysuit”
    -”Spider-Man, Please Pay The Power Bill, Utility Companies Are Not Your ‘Nemesis’ ”
    -”Spider-Man, Turn Off the Dark…Crystal, And Come Eat Your Dinner At The Table Like A Normal Person, You Nerd.”

    I had a fourth, but decided it was too filthy to post.

    Also, they get progressively longer each time because this is performance art.

  • 28 Eddie Colton on Feb 26, 2009 at 8:22 am

    I’ve known about this for some time… trying desperately not to remember.

  • 29 Yoggie on Feb 26, 2009 at 11:14 am

    Spider-Man has gone from emo to gay. Next Thor will be swinging a soup ladle instead of Mjolnir, the Hulk will turn pink with envy, and She-Hulk will go down three bra sizes. My God, what is this world coming to!

  • 30 Mr. Alexander on Feb 26, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    Didn’t Lumpy already watch the Spider-Man Musical in the STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL?

  • 31 Remmie Barrow on Feb 26, 2009 at 2:46 pm

    …Not as disheartening but twice as disturbing is Wolverine acting like an Australian HAM singing show tunes at one of the cheesiest Oscar ceremonies ever!

  • 32 Elizabeth on Feb 26, 2009 at 5:09 pm

    I am strangely attracted to the gyrating spidey who unabashedly thrusts his web-encased package at unsuspecting bystanders.

    Perhaps this is just a reaction from attending too many cons. hmm….

  • 33 ShutterBun on Feb 26, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    The A-gay-zing Spied-Her-Man. Make of that what you will.

  • 34 ShutterBun on Feb 26, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    But you gotta admit, it was a Huge Act, Man. (audible groan)

  • 35 Casey on Feb 26, 2009 at 10:35 pm

    …the horror, the horror…

  • 36 wbwolf on Feb 27, 2009 at 12:29 pm

    The end of testosterone poisoning?

    Finally, irrevocably, killing the totally played out super hero genre?

    And don’t forget, there is already Superman the Musical
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDR-XvJpqBk

  • 37 ready4sumfootball on Feb 28, 2009 at 7:29 am

    Will it be bad? More than likely, especially if this video gives us anything to go by:

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDR-XvJpqBk

    And I’m sorry, but I must correct you, Bill. Sweet Home Alabama is southern rock, not country.