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Bacon Stupidity – The True Story

March 2nd, 2009 by Mike Nelson · 144 Comments

no baconYes, I really, really did eat nothing but bacon for a few days short of an entire month. Once the whole thing started to seem sort of, I don’t know, silly – is that the word I’m looking for? – and my family was growing increasingly frustrated with the stunt, I thought it might be fun to pull our little media satire (for better or worse… heh heh…) Despite my earlier non-apology apology, I do ask your bacony, smoky, forgiveness.

More details after the jump, to spare those who would rather die than read another #$(*& word about… that stuff.

It wasn’t that difficult (other than social situations), really, and if anyone wants to follow my lead and actually complete a month of it, I do (with the aforementioned reservation) recommend it. A good broiler is the key as you will drive yourself mad with clean up if you try to do it all on the stove top.

If you were making the transition from a regular diet to the bacon diet, the first few days, maybe even a week or more, would be hell (I didn’t have to adapt because I’m pretty close to a zero carb man as it is — fascinating, I know). You’d most likely experience flu symptoms and brain fog as you adapted to using ketones as fuel as opposed to glucose. Once you adapted, though, you do feel great, have no cravings, can easily skip meals, never have need of snacks, you’ll probably lose weight, your blood pressure will go down, and you will leave behind you a tantalizing whiff of savory smoke.

Slab bacon was easily my favorite, and in the end Neuske’s won hands down (I will add, in the interest of full disclosure, that the fine people there sent Kevin and I some free bacon after they saw that we had praised it so much). It’s a very, smoky bacon, which I love, but it may be too strong for some. Tip Top’s was my next favorite, followed by Henry’s.

Unless you have any other specific questions, why don’t we make this the last time I ever type the word bacon?

Tags: Month o' Bacon · bacon

144 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Wesley Stamper on Mar 2, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    Hey Mike, have you heard of this thing called the Bacon-Explosion?

    Brian O’Blivious

  • 2 Tom G in TX on Mar 2, 2009 at 12:16 pm

    Mike, did you get any before-and-after numbers on blood pressure, cholesterol, etc. ?

  • 3 Ariel on Mar 2, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    The bacon gods were pleased by all but the last sentence.

  • 4 Jesse on Mar 2, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    Here’s to Mike, and all other who have the courage to live the dream.

  • 5 Nell on Mar 2, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    Would like some stats you know weight loss blood pressure etc. ????

  • 6 Andy L on Mar 2, 2009 at 12:35 pm

    Mike, you never said what the cheating was! What were the circumstances of stopping a few days short, and what did you eat?

  • 7 Rat Boy on Mar 2, 2009 at 12:46 pm

    I was wondering how he got past the clean-up. That’s the only drag about fresh bacon. I suppose the broiler is the way to go and would certainly be better than the dreaded microwave.

  • 8 Mr. Alexander on Mar 2, 2009 at 12:52 pm

    I’ve been following your Smoked Meat Online Bulletin Board for several weeks now, and was astounded to learn that you also create some sort of comedic audio tracks that play along with movies. Is there a website where I can learn more about these?

  • 9 Damon on Mar 2, 2009 at 12:55 pm


    I mean this with all sincerity:

    For what it’s worth, I think it’s to your credit that you examined the reasons for continuing with bacon month and that you took your family’s desires into consideration as well. I think this kind of unselfish attitude is probably one of the main reasons why you have an intact- and what appears to be healthy- marriage. Kudo’s to you from a guy who is trying to learn what means to be a good husband and who wants to be a good father someday.

  • 10 NanoRiffite on Mar 2, 2009 at 1:14 pm

    As usual, the true story is never as funny as the rifftrax for it.

  • 11 Nick Fechter on Mar 2, 2009 at 1:34 pm


    What that enough bacon for everybody?

  • 12 Rob III on Mar 2, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    The last, baconless days was Mike’s way of maintaing 6º of separation from bacon.

  • 13 Earl Fando on Mar 2, 2009 at 2:05 pm

    Please, don’t say carrots, anything but carrots. Steak, twice-baked potatoes, fried chicken livers, pizza, deviled eggs, pub onions, buffalo cheese, pickled okra…these I can understand. Carrots would be too humiliating.

  • 14 Earl Fando on Mar 2, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    Can we continue to talk about bacon if Mike is allowed to refer to it as “smoked pork butt strips?”

    Withdrawal symptoms, don’t you know.

  • 15 AJ on Mar 2, 2009 at 2:15 pm

    Mike, you tried and that’s all that counts. What’s a couple of days anyway? You will still eat bacon from time to time though, right?

  • 16 Laura on Mar 2, 2009 at 2:19 pm

    How was Kevin’s bacon?

  • 17 Rob on Mar 2, 2009 at 2:36 pm

    Not very good. It’s always served at a temperature of six degrees.

    I’ll just go throw myself in the wood chipper now.

  • 18 Tv Miller on Mar 2, 2009 at 2:40 pm

    This is all a cruel way of saying that Michael J. Nelson has settled down. He’s likely now building a porch with some sturdy oak, rocking chairs of pine and using another soft fir for whittling. They’ll find Mike fast asleep at 4pm in his rocking chair with a half whittled slab of bacon from birch…well I say whittle away Mike, you’ve earn it.

    Michael J. Nelson
    1964 – 2009
    Husband, Father, Quarter Bacon.

  • 19 Crisatunity on Mar 2, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    What was the financial overhead of eating only bacon versus your previous diet?

  • 20 jason on Mar 2, 2009 at 2:57 pm

    The real reason he decided, no HAD to quit early; a look into his recurring nightmares which began halfway through the month:

  • 21 Remmie Barrow on Mar 2, 2009 at 3:02 pm

    More, PLEASE!

  • 22 MayorMcCheese on Mar 2, 2009 at 3:29 pm

    Bacon seems a bit more disgusting after watching this.

    How It’s Made – BACON

  • 23 Carpeteria on Mar 2, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    Strong words coming from a guy with a cheeseburger for a head.

  • 24 karen on Mar 2, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    heh, i hear bacon, I think “kevin bacon, where are you?”

  • 25 Ryan on Mar 2, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    That is probably a welcome respite from his normal nightmares of jumpsuits, carpet monsters and Joe Don Baker.

  • 26 Barry on Mar 2, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    In other news, Mike has become hyperactive and has lost the ability to read food packaging.

    Ohboyohboyohboyohnumnumnumnumnum IT’S BACON!

  • 27 Rob III on Mar 2, 2009 at 5:52 pm

    Sorry about the 2nd post, but does anybody else notice all of the bacon-themed advertising on the sides of the page?

    I think Mike broke the internet.

  • 28 Lord Bob on Mar 2, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    Tomorrow’s headline: Bill gets no free bacon, eggs Mike’s house while yelling “What’s a guy gotta do?!?

  • 29 Ryan on Mar 2, 2009 at 6:22 pm

    There is no Bacon advertising on this page. You are hallucinating again.

  • 30 Geena on Mar 2, 2009 at 7:12 pm

    Bake your bacon. It rules.

  • 31 Hélène on Mar 2, 2009 at 7:26 pm

    Can we have your before and after stats? Weight, cholesterol, blood pressure, etc?

  • 32 Ed H on Mar 2, 2009 at 8:34 pm


  • 33 James Shearhart on Mar 2, 2009 at 9:01 pm

    I still like you, Mike.

  • 34 Margoo on Mar 2, 2009 at 9:17 pm

    Mine has an ad for Yoders Canned Bacon, stating that it is “Yoders Celebrity Smoked Fully Cooked” bacon. I don’t really see how this is a selling point – why would I want a celebrity smoking bacon for me? And which celebrity?

  • 35 I’m not sure what Time is trying to say « The Vulprisian Daily Post on Mar 3, 2009 at 4:19 am

    [...] the Bacon Diet!” in your little opus on obesity. (Speaking of bacon, check out MST3k’s Mike Nelson and his “Month ‘o Bacon”. I’m glad SatNews didn’t have to write that article about Mike’s admittance to [...]

  • 36 StanleyBeagle on Mar 3, 2009 at 6:02 am

    Gar!! My husband made this for superbowl sunday, and he and his bacon buddy pronounced that it was almost too much bacon to bear. Almost. But not quite. And the bacony smell produced by the slow cook lingered in our place for days afterward…

  • 37 Earl Fando on Mar 3, 2009 at 6:55 am

    I think Jason may be on to something. Perhaps Mike learned that Joe Don Baker stuck to a strict diet of bacon (ahem, I mean salted pork butt strips) during the filming of Mitchell.

    That would get a lot of people off the salted pork butt strips, cold turkey. I mean, if Mike noticed he was sweating more than usual or was getting testy around Bill and Kevin… well, I’d go into a panic myself.

  • 38 Ian on Mar 3, 2009 at 7:25 am

    Good job as far as Im concerned you accomplished your mission. Congrats

  • 39 Laura on Mar 3, 2009 at 8:29 am

    I’m fuh realz! Kevin sent him bacon, didn’t he? :P

  • 40 Matt on Mar 3, 2009 at 8:29 am

    Will you ever eat bacon again?

  • 41 Kris on Mar 3, 2009 at 8:39 am

    This is actually quite sweet and something I agree with. Well done, Damon, and best of luck to you.

  • 42 NanoRiffite on Mar 3, 2009 at 10:31 am

    Google’s ad-empire is successful because they try to show you ads which have something to do with the content found on the page. In this case, it works well. In other cases it’s caused some pretty odd combinations. Like, ads for something the web page is complaining about…

  • 43 jfe on Mar 3, 2009 at 12:32 pm

    He will eat bacon but not mention it by name. He will call it by something else, what, is up to him.

  • 44 jenifersf on Mar 3, 2009 at 10:57 pm

    Mike, what sounds sillier? Mike Nelson, The Guy Who Ate Nothing But Bacon For a Whole Month or Mike Nelson, The Guy Who Ate Nothing But Bacon For Almost a Whole Month.

  • 45 Ben Fury on Mar 3, 2009 at 11:44 pm

    Both are too long.
    Just one word completely covers it:

  • 46 Damon on Mar 4, 2009 at 6:11 am

    Thanks for the encouragement Kris.

  • 47 Mike Nelson on Mar 4, 2009 at 7:26 am

    Can’t hear you – crunchy smoked meat strips too loud.

  • 48 ross on Mar 4, 2009 at 8:03 am

    Wow the last time you type bacon? WHAT HAPPENED MIKE?!!?!? Bacon has never betrayed you, bacon has done nothing but brought you good things. It gave the site great publicity, it gave you lower blood pressure, it gave us fans a goal to obtain. IT gives all the wonderful taste and satisfying feeling in your tummy. DO NOT BETRAY BACON.

  • 49 Marianne on Mar 4, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    Any man that states he is . . .”a guy who is trying to learn what it means to be a good husband and who wants to be a good father someday” . . . already is a GREAT husband and will be a GREAT father too!

    I wish you all the best!

  • 50 Gina on Mar 4, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    Oh man, Mike, here I thought the whole thing was a hoax and you were actually a, you know, sensible person who would not really eat bacon for nearly a month.

    You do love to jerk us around, don’t you?

    But I always said that Bridget would find a way to end the madness. Because Bridget is awesome. (Can we have her back as a riffer? Pretty please? You know, “Twilight’s” coming out, and it was pretty much made for riffing, and she’s really amazing at riffing the girly stuff . . . )

  • 51 Gina on Mar 4, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    That is sweet. Best wishes to you and your wife, Damon.

  • 52 jenifersf on Mar 4, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    Mike is SO not a slacker. He is clearly a very hard working man.

    Bacon Month Man. That is, Bacon Almost Month Man.

  • 53 Ode to Bacon: Part 8 « Stop Being So Fat! on Mar 17, 2009 at 4:47 am

    [...] reveals that he didn’t really eat only bacon for a month.  SURPRISE!  Did I call this or [...]

  • 54 Jack B on Apr 23, 2009 at 1:48 am

    Ah HA! The real reason for eating bacon for a month:

  • 55 T.Pike on Jun 8, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    Have you seen these dandy bracelets made of felt?

  • 56 I Will Have a Bacon Cremation so you don’t have to at I Do Things So You Don’t Have To on Jun 2, 2010 at 6:10 am

    [...] Mike lived to tell the tale. It’s too bad. But at least now I know how I will die. I will eat naught but bacon for THREE [...]

  • 57 the data recovery co » I Will Have a Bacon Cremation on Jul 23, 2010 at 10:31 am

    [...] Mike lived to tell the tale. It’s too bad. But at least now I know how I will die. I will eat naught but bacon for THREE [...]

  • 58 WILLIAM MANDELL on Nov 30, 2010 at 3:26 pm

    I came here just to say “PSSUY!”

  • 59 cori on Feb 5, 2011 at 7:03 am

    Is it like a bacon diet?My uncle said he wants to try it.As in it I mean the bacon diet.Did it make you fat?

  • 60 防犯カメラ on Apr 27, 2011 at 1:14 am

    ペン型 ビデオカメラ:

  • 61 威哥王 on Jun 13, 2011 at 11:44 pm

    Is it like a bacon diet?My uncle said he wants to try it.As in it I mean the bacon diet.Did it make you fat?

  • 62 Kimakuru on Jun 30, 2011 at 5:34 pm


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  • 76 Scott Shepard on Feb 20, 2012 at 2:41 am

    My name is Scott Shepard, I’m 23 years old and Honorably discharged from the army. I weigh approx. 170 pounds/athletic muscular, do very little to no Exercise a day, and eat a minimum of 1 pound of bacon every day. Usually on toasted bread lathered in country gravy with sausage pieces. My dad works at a “JB’s” and comes home every night with about 2 pounds of extra bacon cooked that day and all the gravy a man can ask for. I eat it all. And the next day he goes back to work and the same thing happens everyday. I’m proof that you can be in the best shape of your life and eat pounds of bacon everyday. I’d love to prove it to you with video confirmation 30 days in a row. Shoot, I’ll do 4 months. I’ve been doing it for the last year.

    Also you can find me on Facebook. I look forward to a bacon challenge from anyone.