With all apologies to Karl Pilkington, my life needs more Monkey News. So the other day I set up a Google Alert feed for “monkey”, half expecting to be so inundated with news that I would cancel it hours later. I did not know that Google Alerts has the option to provide you with a single daily email, complete with summaries and pictures, that neatly packages up that days monkey news. It has since become the fourth thing I check every morning after one, two, and three.
And in this first week, I’ve already found my nomination for Journalistic Sentence of the year. From the Daily Telegraph newspaper:
“The dead man’s wife said that the monkey had “seemed lovable” when they bought him for £130.”
Talk about an epitaph! It comes from this story, about a monkey named Brother Kwan, employed by his “Cruel Master” Mr. Janchoom to shimmy up trees and pick coconuts. When the breaks grew too infrequent and, presumably, health benefits were slashed across the board, Brother Kwan said No mas! And hurled a coconut that struck Mr. Janchoom in the head, killing him instantly.
Which would all be quite hilarious if I hadn’t had two family members go out the exact same way.