Ha ha, stupid 28-years-ago people! Thank goodness we’ll never look antiquated in any way to people 28+ years from now!
My favorite quote is the newspaper guy: “We’re not in it to make money.”
…The second part of that, which was edited out? “We’re in it to DESTROY OURSELVES.” (He then laughed uproariously and set his beard on fire.)
46 responses so far ↓
1 Emily on Mar 12, 2009 at 3:14 pm
lmfao, that’s like a two and a half minute dark comedy right there.
2 Remmie Barrow on Mar 12, 2009 at 3:21 pm
Ahhh…Brings me back to the first computer my family owned back then…and that would be an Atari 400…Yes I said an ATARI 400…with a seperate floppy disk drive and a cassette tape reader.
3 Brian O. on Mar 12, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Ahhhh, this “news” on computers will NEVER work. Now where’d I leave that ELO 8-track tape? In the Pinto, or in the console stereophonic sound reproducer?
4 Darth Chimay on Mar 12, 2009 at 3:39 pm
It’ll never happen. Just crazy talk… people sittin’ at their computationtrons and reading about the days events on the telepaper. Bah.
Now excuse me while I go place my Hot Pocket over the open flame to warm it up. I kilt it myself. With a sharpened stick.
5 Rat Boy on Mar 12, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Gee, what will they think of next? TV news on the computer? Oh, wait.
6 AJ on Mar 12, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Hmmm, in 1981 I was 6 and wouldn’t own a computer until 1988 which was a flat keyed Sinclair Spectrum ZX 128k.
I wonder what happend to that? I remember a window, and me throwing something out of it……
7 Laura on Mar 12, 2009 at 3:53 pm
I feel so goddamn guilty for some reason. I had a great monitor, but got so angry with a game I punched it (it was a flat screen/plasma) and an instant spiderweb is on the screen. That I just got for Christmas. Three years ago, though, so it’s np.
I have one of my brother’s ASUS mega screens now because he’s just stupid enough to buy two and expect them to work together.
Damn you Bill and other commentators! I feel guilty for having all this junk!
8 Lyndsey on Mar 12, 2009 at 4:24 pm
I was 6 in 1981 too! What are the chances?! Small world I tell you!
9 AJ on Mar 12, 2009 at 4:31 pm
Well, I’m sure many people our age were 6 in 1981
10 ShutterBun on Mar 12, 2009 at 4:39 pm
From 2037: Gah, remember when you used to have to download the newspaper, instead of just plugging directly into the Hive-mind? I seem to remember actually “watching” a “video” about this on something called “You” “Tube.”
From 2065: HAHA! Remember when “we” actually had to plug in to the Hive-mind version 1.0? All those cables running everywhere! Barbaric!
From 2093: Mmmmm… Gronk make pointy stick. Good.
11 Houndstooth Mind on Mar 12, 2009 at 4:56 pm
Who were the brave forefathers (cause I betcha they weren’t women) who paid 10 bucks and waited 2 hours to read the news?
12 Setsuled on Mar 12, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Ha! My browser is way more spiffy looking than that ad implies!
13 C.G. on Mar 12, 2009 at 7:13 pm
The same ones that spend loads of of cash on the latest, greatest dot-matrix printer so they could print out a hard copy for reading later on when they had to “download” (for another 2 hours) in the bathroom.
14 randommanthefirst on Mar 12, 2009 at 7:26 pm
I’m glad we got an interview from Richard Halloran – owns home computer. I’m looking forward to showing this to my neighbor Greta – lives in house and Bob – drives gasoline car.
15 randommanthefirst on Mar 12, 2009 at 7:28 pm
And just now I see the title of this blog post and feel really stupid and repetitive.
16 ShutterBun on Mar 12, 2009 at 8:34 pm
randommanthefirst: reads blog titles.
17 Brian O. on Mar 12, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Even though it’s incredibly off topic, and amazingly NSFW, I couldn’t have predicted then, nor now (though maybe), this:
http://mirror.servut.us/flash/Lesbian_Erotica_Queen_vs_Abnormal_Big_Tits_Moma_Ranger_–_CRPD198.swf
I am NOT responsible for the mental breakage that may occur. Once again, NOT SAFE FOR WORK!
18 Brian O. on Mar 12, 2009 at 8:55 pm
Oh yeah, and if someone ever gets around to doing a Rifftrax on “Nude on the Moon” (maybe myself), I may do one for this horror as well. Boobs are inevitable, just look who puts out this crap to begin with!
19 MonkeyCheezPants on Mar 12, 2009 at 9:59 pm
And the final irony? The SF Examiner has had to “reinvent” itself as a free weekly, and the SF Chronicle is literally weeks away from shutting down after a 144 year publishing run.
Don’t think I’m sentimentalizing the Chronicle’s doom (as many are); Phil Bronstein turned a once great paper into a pile of Komodo Dragon Spit.
(Let’s see if anybody gets THAT reference without Wikipedia.)
20 NRRork on Mar 13, 2009 at 1:51 am
Wow! I was gonna add the phrase “And it’s yours for the low low price of 300 dollars a month!” And that was meant to be FACETIOUS!
But, with that hourly rate the anchorwoman quoted, as well as the transfer time for each paper to come. That’s about what it would’ve cost each month if you took the paper every day.
And those are 1981 dollars too, back when they packed a much bigger punch.
21 BEMaven on Mar 13, 2009 at 2:19 am
This may not be relevant, but I was just visited by a man and a woman from the future.
The woman said they were using something called Apple iTime to travel 28 years into the past.
It was a short visit. The couple stayed only long enough to point at me and laugh… then blipped back to their own time.
But I suspect they were just commenting on my hairstyle.
22 Racer™ on Mar 13, 2009 at 3:20 am
You can get news online?
This changes everything!
23 Earl Fando on Mar 13, 2009 at 6:41 am
It was like an episode of Joanie Loves Chachi, only funnier and with better hair.
24 Earl Fando on Mar 13, 2009 at 6:46 am
This reminds me of when I applied for a local sportswriter job (English major…desperate for work) just out of university. They had some green and white, pre-Word Perfect, word processor system that looked just a cut above the technology used in missile launch sites (don’t say “silos” as that POs the officers… silos are for corn).
I didn’t get the job. I think laughing and pointing at their massive technological investment was a bad interview strategy.
Still, tonigh I may just go home and hook up my old TI-994A to the telly and play a round of Miner 2049er, just for the nostalgia. All I need is a way to jam those signal clips into the coaxial hookup.
25 Music-chan on Mar 13, 2009 at 11:03 am
You, good sir or madam, have won an internet.
26 Matt on Mar 13, 2009 at 11:50 am
Imagine accidentally stumbling upon this set whilst walking your kids through the park or something. How do explain without instilling some sort of existential fear of grown humans in general? Well, you see kids I know it seems overly bizarre and unnecessary but it’s not enough for some lonely japanese businessmen to simply have a wife, they need hyper-fetishistic science-fiction fantasies starring hermaphrodite super-beings to even come close to addressing their world view.
27 Dean on Mar 13, 2009 at 12:41 pm
Something else that got edited out of the video was the “Wah, wah, waaaaah” sound at the end.
28 Remmie Barrow on Mar 13, 2009 at 1:36 pm
And, on the other hand, many of us were not 6 in 1981…I myself was about 8 at that time.
29 AJ on Mar 13, 2009 at 2:51 pm
You old git.
30 Conor Lastowka on Mar 13, 2009 at 2:53 pm
I still remember my friend Peter’s dad’s friend Bob Garvey, grilling me in seventh grade about AOL. “What’s the big deal about it? You can check stocks, so what, I can do that in the paper!”
Very aggressive denouncing of something that seventh grade me was mainly using to download Commander Keen and gifs of the animaniacs.
31 Catfish on Mar 13, 2009 at 4:51 pm
No good deed goes unpunished.
Maybe they’re like the bozos that figured we would use Nuclear technology to power things.
32 Yanni on Mar 13, 2009 at 5:07 pm
I love how the guy actually has to plug his phone receiver into the modem. I had forgotten all about those acoustically coupled ones.
33 Scooter on Mar 13, 2009 at 6:23 pm
That reminds me, I need to buy the Commander Keen pack on Steam. And here I was, thinking I was the only one that ever played them.
34 Geena on Mar 14, 2009 at 12:02 pm
I, for one, am just glad to see that OS X has its own browser.
35 Houndstooth Mind on Mar 14, 2009 at 2:54 pm
It’s funny CG because I know you’re right!
36 One Day, Your Past Will be a Joke « Chicky Broke on Mar 14, 2009 at 7:41 pm
[...] Discovered via the RiffTrax Blog. [...]
37 Kleenex on Mar 14, 2009 at 9:43 pm
Richard Halloran would have loved this. I understand he had a HUGE collection of ASCII porn on floppy disk.
38 Bullwinkle on Mar 15, 2009 at 12:58 am
It’s a shame they left off the guy setting his beard on fire. I think that would have really clinched the interview.
39 karen on Mar 15, 2009 at 7:09 am
wow, have we come that far? nahhh, they aren’t in it for the money since the newspaper doesnt even NEED ads. alas the good old days of yore….
40 Elizabeth Young on Mar 16, 2009 at 4:24 am
My favorite part of the story is right after the female newscaster talks about the “not far fetched future” they cut to a guy using a rotary phone to call a computer in Ohio.
“…and it only takes two hours to download” God I miss my disk from AOL with 100 free minutes on it.
41 Brian O. on Mar 16, 2009 at 7:17 pm
Well you see, Ichi, when a Power Ranger loves a Putty VERY VERY much, they…
42 ricegf on Mar 17, 2009 at 4:56 am
Ah, yes, the Atari computers – the first with USB 0.1 (ahem), a BIOS in flash (well, on a removable card), and hardware graphics /sound acceleration (ANTIC, GTIA and POKEY). Who knew howprescient they really were?
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