The RiffTrax Blog header image 1

We just stopped for one…

March 18th, 2009 by Mike Nelson · 27 Comments

well done  RiffTrax

But then one thing lead to another, Kevin started doing his impression of Barbra Streisand at the end of “A Star is Born”; Bill started doing his impression of Kris Kristofferson at the beginning, middle and end of “A Star is Born”; Conor began throwing pennies at both of them. I missed most of it because I was shouting at and cuffing this oaf who insulted my Schnappi shirt (which turned out to be a coat rack).

The result: we think Kevin is dead, again. Bill phoned from somewhere in Regina, Saskatchewan, and Conor is still there, pumping one of those empty kegs. And me, I woke up on top of a Toshiba 2300c color copier at a Kinko’s somewhere. I’m going to go outside when I’m done typing this and scrounge up some pants. If you see me, could tell me where I am? Thanks.

***Uptated by Kevin March 18th***

Not dead, just fine, right as rain, only one question – where, and why, did I acquire the tattoo of Bill Bixby on my right butt cheek, and what happened to my pants?  It’s for the police report.

Tags: RiffTrax

27 responses so far ↓

  • 1 AJ on Mar 18, 2009 at 8:15 am

    You drunkereds! Shame on you!

  • 2 AJ on Mar 18, 2009 at 8:21 am

    Well, I retract that statement on the reminder from friends that my usual famous last words when stepping into a local pub are normally, “I’m only having one….”

    It never ends well. In fact it normally ends in a gutter somewhere.

  • 3 Ryan on Mar 18, 2009 at 8:24 am

    So is this an add for Toshiba 2300c color copier, or for Kinko’s?

  • 4 Casey on Mar 18, 2009 at 8:32 am


    Well… Dane’s aren’t Irish… but.. isn’t Kevin…and he is probably dead?


  • 5 Kris on Mar 18, 2009 at 8:35 am

    This applies to me as well. For whatever reason, when I drink, I suddenly become convinced that I am not a 5′2″, 115lb female. I am, in fact, a mighty champion fighter! ROAR! Then I start challenging random strangers to arm-wrestling contests. The end results are never pleasant.

  • 6 MonkeyCheezPants on Mar 18, 2009 at 9:03 am

    Mike, shame on you!

    It’s FedEx Kinko’s now.

  • 7 rebisaz on Mar 18, 2009 at 9:17 am

    Waking up in Canada or at some random Kinkos is just a typical morning after St. Paddy’s, in my experience, but you guys are going to have to stop letting Kevin get killed. Every time you go out. Last time he lost his head. You guys need a Kevin wrangler.

  • 8 Laura on Mar 18, 2009 at 9:35 am
    Title reminded me of the song.

    My brother is in Indiana, with his in-laws. He most likely got drunk to the boot and woke up in the backyard with his rifle in one hand and a pitcher in the other. He then wakes up with a massive headache, to face his father in-law laughing his ass off.
    The father in-law then begins to shout, “I had 20 and I’m fine, boy!”
    To which my brother replies, “Uhhhhhggg…” and takes the last little sip from the pitcher, then passes out once again.

    I bet Kevin didn’t die. He looks as if he can handle his beer very well, then beat anyone in a bar brawl. He should be a Marine.

  • 9 Gina on Mar 18, 2009 at 9:37 am

    I’m not as think as you drunk I am.

  • 10 Laura on Mar 18, 2009 at 9:49 am

    What seems to be the officer, Problem?

    Hey kid, I need some trouble, I’m having a little help here.

    What’s a body like me doing in a woman like this?

  • 11 tweez on Mar 18, 2009 at 10:31 am

    I remember Kevin as Servo as Esther Hoffman from back on MST3K. Servo had a super-perm wig on and he sobbed inarticulately for about 2 minutes while trying to sing a song.

    Good times

  • 12 AJ on Mar 18, 2009 at 11:10 am

    When will we learn that we just can’t take our ale, huh?

  • 13 Earl Fando on Mar 18, 2009 at 12:51 pm

    Three observations about this post:

    1. Several people will respond to Mike’s question with the remark, “Why, you’re right here!” because people love to annoy other people with hangovers.

    2. Somewhere there is a Kinko’s copyboy telling people how he was blinded on St. Paddy’s Day. (I left out the line about multiple copies of Mike’s bacon. OK, I know I’m telling you now. I’m not perfect. I admit that.)

    3. The “one” Mike refers to in the post is one of these:

  • 14 Brian O. on Mar 18, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    You should have followed it up with this:
    Bacon wrapped, sausage stuffed pork loin roast!

  • 15 rebisaz on Mar 18, 2009 at 1:38 pm

    I kinda want a Schnappi shirt.

  • 16 Invisible NanoGhost on Mar 18, 2009 at 1:39 pm

    So I take it that this is a picture of all the kegs that were emptied by the Rifftrax gang. I’m sure O’Neills will be happy to have you back, whenever the group is in town.

  • 17 Invisible NanoGhost on Mar 18, 2009 at 1:42 pm

    The sad thing is that, except for Conor, each of them did have only one beer!

  • 18 Invisible NanoGhost on Mar 18, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    “… and for years to come, anytime anyone saw Mike Nelson, they would tell him where he was at that moment. Mike went crazy, and started clubbing people to death with packages of bacon.”

  • 19 Remmie Barrow on Mar 18, 2009 at 1:45 pm

    Maybe the coat rack was jealous of your shirt.

  • 20 BEMaven on Mar 18, 2009 at 1:53 pm

    Mike, did you check inside the copier?

    The bypass tray on those Toshiba models can be awfully tempting.

    My nephew got so drunk once, he tried to feed pita bread through a B&W copier.

  • 21 Houndstooth Mind on Mar 18, 2009 at 5:01 pm

    Kevin, is the tatoo of Bill Bixby hitchhiking a la end of Incredible Hulk? If not I can’t help you.

  • 22 Elizabeth on Mar 18, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    Ahhh, I love St. Pat’s day. If I’m not vomiting blood by day’s end then I didn’t honor my Irish heritage correctly.

  • 23 jfe on Mar 18, 2009 at 9:16 pm

    What is it with guys and their pants?
    People let me tell you about my best friend
    He’s a one boy cuddly toy my up my down my pride and joy.
    Could Mr. Murphy have been thinking of that song recently?

  • 24 NRRork on Mar 25, 2009 at 7:16 pm

    You left out the part where someone said something like “Wow, you’re really getting into St. Patrick’s Day!”

    And one of you says “Oh, that was today?”