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“All the News That’s Fit to Print”

March 19th, 2009 by Bill Corbett · 45 Comments

…And a whole of other stuff like THIS, which also found its way into that Gray Lady of Journalism, the New York Times:

Kirk chair

In this time of national crisis, it is important to monitor those who bring Kirk cosplay front and center in their family’s lives.

At least it’s not in his bathroom.

Tags: RiffTrax

45 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Rat Boy on Mar 19, 2009 at 5:05 pm

    Suddenly I don’t feel so geeky for owning model Enterprises. At least they didn’t set me back two grand.

  • 2 Walter Woods on Mar 19, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    It’s a John Hodgman/Ricky Gervais hybrid.

  • 3 Elizabeth on Mar 19, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    umm…ahhh…well, I guess…yeah, okay

  • 4 Racer™ on Mar 19, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    This is brilliant! Why didn’t I think of putting the crapper in my living room?

  • 5 Roper on Mar 19, 2009 at 6:10 pm

    Like they say in Branson…What a country!…now where did I put my agonizer?

  • 6 Brian O. on Mar 19, 2009 at 6:21 pm

    At least you HOPE it’s not his bathroom.

  • 7 ShutterBun on Mar 19, 2009 at 6:37 pm

    A THREE PAGE article, no less! Good lord. I can picture an “All The President’s Men” type of newsroom managers meeting:

    Chief: “Okay, that’s three columns for International, 6 for local, 4 for U.S., and 19 pages for Goof Shit We Found On The Internet.”

    If “Real People” were still on the air, it would no doubt be CNN’s flagship program.

  • 8 Rob T Firefly on Mar 19, 2009 at 7:23 pm

    I’d be snarky at this, but there’s a familiar-looking homemade red puppet with a candy dispenser for a head sitting in the corner of my place.

    He’ll have Disembaudio for a friend someday, if I ever find a cute enough toaster to mod.

  • 9 Ginger on Mar 19, 2009 at 7:46 pm

    Somethings tells me if I brought cosplay front and center into my family’s lives, I’d get disowned by my parents.

    So for the greater good, I just wear the random pair of goggles stead.

  • 10 Wesley Stamper on Mar 19, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    Sadder still is the fact that Bill had to skip over the story wherein teen girls analyze Rhianna and Chris Brown’s relationship in order to get to the Kirk’s chair story.
    My candidate for Quote O’ the Day:
    “She probably feels bad that it was her fault, so she took him back.”

  • 11 Matt on Mar 19, 2009 at 9:58 pm

    “I know it’s not real but the moment I sit in it the hair’s stand up on the back of my neck.”

    “The closet command-chair trekkies have come out of the closet.”

    Any all attempts to make jokes about these guys are redundant after only a page of quote-mining.

  • 12 Matt on Mar 19, 2009 at 10:05 pm

    Haha, yeah those teen girls never learn do they. Sure he smacks girls raw but he sang that overly-produced and pitch-corrected song that all the media-tubes are blaring at me at every waking hour so he must have had some kind of reason for doing what he did.

  • 13 Dan Noutko-Kennedy on Mar 19, 2009 at 10:21 pm

    This truly is a newsworthy story. There actually is a Mrs. Trekkie.

  • 14 Roper on Mar 19, 2009 at 10:30 pm

    Theres a few out there, it’s largely a myth that trekkies can’t marry or reproduce.

  • 15 AJ on Mar 20, 2009 at 2:18 am

    I thought it was a waxwork model on first view.

  • 16 chrismartindeed on Mar 20, 2009 at 3:26 am


    The chair and costume are from two different Trek periods.

    However, I am NOT a Trekkie.

    I only wear the romper-style uniform from the first motion picture when I go to bed… and only because it’s so comfortable.

  • 17 Onil on Mar 20, 2009 at 4:40 am

    Typical liberal leftist media writing articles about a socialist future utopia. Grow up, you hippies!

  • 18 AJ on Mar 20, 2009 at 4:50 am

    I could see you with a walking cane, shaking your fist as I read that! :D

  • 19 Earl Fando on Mar 20, 2009 at 5:35 am

    It’s clearly his bathroom. Why else have so many scented candles in the room, if it’s not the loo?

    I do think someone should check to make sure the seat doesn’t flip up on that thing.

    The only downside to having a toilet like that one is that I’d never remember which button to push to flush the thing.

  • 20 Earl Fando on Mar 20, 2009 at 5:37 am

    Yes, yes, but I’m sure he says the exact same thing about his blow-up Nurse Chapel doll.

    Well, except he probably doesn’t “sit in” that…Who knows though. He’s clearly a little freaky.

  • 21 Bill Corbett on Mar 20, 2009 at 5:56 am


    EXCELLENT point.

  • 22 Ben on Mar 20, 2009 at 6:19 am

    What about the guy who heard about the Kirk cosplay and mistakenly dressed as Kirk Cameron? Nevermind, I guess he was left behind…

    ah, I slay me…

  • 23 Geena on Mar 20, 2009 at 7:42 am

    Here, lemme help.


  • 24 BEMaven on Mar 20, 2009 at 7:44 am

    To clarify the actual myth: Trekkies can’t reproduce within their own species.

  • 25 MonkeyCheezPants on Mar 20, 2009 at 8:40 am

    Wow, I’m glad that I’m not the only one who noticed that.

  • 26 Damon on Mar 20, 2009 at 10:22 am

    I really like the picture the NY times posted of this gentlemen’s grill and picnic bench. I totally agree that we need to keep an eye on those people who cook and eat outdoors.

    On a side note, that’s a nice smoking jacket he’s wearing…

  • 27 Mike Finley on Mar 20, 2009 at 1:56 pm

    You all laugh, but when the Klingons attack you’ll be freaking glad he’s commanding his house into battle to defend US.

  • 28 Remmie Barrow on Mar 20, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    (At least it’s not in his bathroom.)

    Perhaps it is not his bathroom…or perhaps he had his toilet installed in the living room…or den to shame his parents even more.

  • 29 chrismartindeed on Mar 20, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    Noticed that the uniform from the first movie made a swell set of pajamas?

  • 30 MonkeyCheezPants on Mar 20, 2009 at 3:51 pm

    Well, THAT goes without saying.

    No, the era-mix up. Unless, of course, he’s acting out a time-travel story of his own creation, which is a distinct possibility.

  • 31 Spooky Janelle on Mar 20, 2009 at 6:23 pm

    Dan, my friend, you don’t miss a thing, do you?

  • 32 Dave F on Mar 20, 2009 at 9:13 pm

    Wow…if true, he’s truly gone where no man has gone before…

    I’m sorry…but it was crying out to be said.

  • 33 Mr. Alexander on Mar 21, 2009 at 4:59 am

    Perhaps Rhianna’s just lulling him into a false sense of security in order to harvest his pineal juice at a later date? Youth is important to maintain, after all.

  • 34 BEMaven on Mar 21, 2009 at 6:20 am

    Isn’t it about time someone put a toilet on the bridge/control room of a spaceship?

    There have been plenty of comments about the idea, going all the way back to This Island Earth.

    And face it: Everybody goes.

  • 35 Dan Noutko-Kennedy on Mar 21, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    Certainly never a meal, my dear.

  • 36 Matt on Mar 21, 2009 at 9:38 pm

    Wow, on second thought you’ve done well, I didn’t even consider the possibility of blow-up crew member love interests. What he needs is a full replica bridge complete with huge screen projecting that windows star screen-saver. You know he would if he won the lottery, just sitting there, barking orders occasionally falling down for a hearty “KAAAAAAAAAAHN!!!” when the pizza was late or something.

  • 37 Matt on Mar 21, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    Ahhh, hes the drunken, abusive fly to her passive-aggressive spider, interesting theory. I guess puff daddy’s mansion is the web then, he must be in on it too, god knows he’s harvested the vital parts of many songs for his own gain.

  • 38 Houndstooth Mind on Mar 22, 2009 at 4:12 am

    Did Kirk’s feet touch the floor when he sat in his command chair?

  • 39 wbwolf on Mar 23, 2009 at 8:25 am

    Doc Watson’s or Agatha Heterodyne’s?

    Because it is all for SCIENCE!

  • 40 Earl Fando on Mar 23, 2009 at 10:36 am


  • 41 Earl Fando on Mar 23, 2009 at 10:37 am

    Only when he was wearing the lifts.

  • 42 R.A. Roth on Mar 23, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    Engage…the shock therapy, at once!