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Oo, scary kids!

March 26th, 2009 by Mike Nelson · 34 Comments

This movie, “The Haunting in Connecticut” claims to be based on a true story. It looks pretty scary, I think you’ll agree:

But before you get too worked up, understand that according to that unimpeachable source of canon law and hauntings in Connecticut, Wikipedia, the real people involved had this to say about the demons: “One of the demons was very thin, with high cheekbones, long black hair and pitch black eyes. Another had white hair and eyes, wore a pinstriped tuxedo, and his feet were constantly in motion.” Not that it would be pleasant but I’m sorry to tell you folks that you were most probably visited by Crispin Glover and Jackie Rogers, Jr.

16 glover lgl jackie1
¬†Boooooo! ¬†I’m going to possess you, man!

Tags: RiffTrax

34 responses so far ↓

  • 1 AJ on Mar 26, 2009 at 1:49 pm

    Crispin looks like a lesser rugged, younger, smoother, Viggo Mortensen. Don’t you think?

    I can’t comment on the other guy.

  • 2 Wesley Stamper on Mar 26, 2009 at 1:52 pm

    Guy Caballero was offered the broadcast rights to “Haunting in Connecticut” and turned ‘em down flat.
    “We do have SOME standards” he was overheard to say.

  • 3 Mike Finley on Mar 26, 2009 at 1:54 pm

    I admit this movie looks awesome.
    BUT… I will only see it based on Purane2Forever’s inevitable review.

  • 4 Conor Lastowka on Mar 26, 2009 at 2:11 pm

    I’m predicting four stars (indicated by holding up four fingers.) Probably is not violent enough for him. I also predict he will spell Connecticut wrong in the video title.

  • 5 Stella on Mar 26, 2009 at 2:16 pm

    Ah Crispin Glover, my creepy secret love and the other guy reminds me of the fellow on the left in this picture…

  • 6 AJ on Mar 26, 2009 at 2:41 pm

    And not enough blue “wieners” for him either.

  • 7 jfruh on Mar 26, 2009 at 2:50 pm

    If there’s one word calculated to strike delicious terror into the hearts of potential movie-goers everywhere, it’s “Connecticut.”

  • 8 Wesley Stamper on Mar 26, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    I thought only Rifftrax employees could use html in their posts. I made a Hopalong Cassidy joke about a year ago that would have KILLED if I could have used a hyperlink.
    /delusion

  • 9 BEMaven on Mar 26, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    And both guys are wearing Prada.

    Good thing there’s room under the bed for me and my laptop.

  • 10 Nick Fechter on Mar 26, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    What the hell was that crap that was floating out of his mouth!? Did the ghosts wanna see what he ate for breakfast?

  • 11 Laura on Mar 26, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    I just hope it isn’t like American Haunting. There’s too many haunted house movies. I want to see the dead come to life! I want to see aliens that are named for some reason or another Pumpkinhead eviscerating teenagers!

    Are ghosts scary? Hell no! Look at Poltergeist. That was a practical comedy. Ooooh, I made steak look like it was exploding then crawl on the counter OOOOoOOOOooooOoOOOOOooooOoooOOO!

    Hmm. Rants. Sorry. I bet it’s going to rely on pop-up scares :( . Classic horror will make its return though, this I promise.

  • 12 Casey on Mar 26, 2009 at 4:50 pm

    Anyone know what kind of instrument was playing that atonal stuff during the preview?

  • 13 Ryan on Mar 26, 2009 at 4:58 pm

    The second picture looks like Martin Short.

  • 14 Invisible NanoGhost on Mar 26, 2009 at 5:43 pm

    Jackie Rogers, Jr was a character made-up and played by Martin Short on SCTV:

    http://www.secondcity.com/?id=tv-film/sctv

    Not as famous as Ed Grimley, but then who is?

  • 15 Invisible NanoGhost on Mar 26, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    “Based on a True Story” –> There really is a state called “Connecticut”, and there is at least one house in that state which is the same size as the house in this movie.

    Spooky!

  • 16 Kim on Mar 26, 2009 at 6:35 pm

    I hear there is also a similar number of people dwelling in such houses…really adds to the spooky factor.

  • 17 Casey on Mar 26, 2009 at 7:45 pm

    I live in a house as well!!! *Shiver* this hits close to home.

  • 18 Bill Corbett on Mar 26, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    Connecticut contains both Yale — home of Skull and Bones (oooohhh!) — and Martha Stewart (arrghhhhhh, help!!!).

    And Mystic Seaport, which is FRIGHTENINGLY quaint.

  • 19 Jack the Autumn on Mar 26, 2009 at 9:15 pm

    Haha. Yep both Mikes picks ring true:

    Martin Short played that creepy “Clifford”
    and Crispin Glover played that even creepier character called “Crispin Glover” throughout the eighties.

    (RE: the trailer-The rotten fruit bit actually was terrifing. Movie producers have to remember sometimes less is more.)

  • 20 Casey B on Mar 26, 2009 at 9:42 pm

    You want scary in Connecticut, try the casinos. Or Wesleyan. Scary stuff, eh kids? It was very decent of you to mention Ed Grimley, thanks.

  • 21 Walter Woods on Mar 26, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    Please say this isn’t the first of 50 movies.

  • 22 R.A. Roth on Mar 27, 2009 at 12:25 am

    You haven’t been haunted until King Diamond, accompanied by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, has visited you in the shower, just after an extensive exfoliation routine. Now THAT’S scary.

    Randy

  • 23 MAtt on Mar 27, 2009 at 1:13 am

    Yeah, I’m terrified, can someone please tell me slimer from ghostbusters isn’t real for like the 100th time so I can sleep tonight.

  • 24 DT on Mar 27, 2009 at 4:32 am

    Well, from the trailer, life in Connecticut looks pretty scary:

    Teenagers getting tattoos, shower curtain malfunctions, and what appears to be moldy swedish metaballs.

    I hear at one point, the internet goes out, and the main protaganist isn’t able to get on facebook for an entire hour…

  • 25 Triangle O. Daver on Mar 27, 2009 at 5:13 am

    Swedish metaballs.

    Those sure are some self-referential balls!

  • 26 Mr. Alexander on Mar 27, 2009 at 6:17 am

    It’s nice to see how adaptable Crispin Glover is: when Beowulf ruptured his giant external eardrum, he simply grew his hair long and combed it over one side. It’s just like Joel said: when you get lemons, you make lemonade.

  • 27 chrismartindeed on Mar 27, 2009 at 6:40 am

    It’s a technique first perfected during the Baroque Period: Live parrot locked inside piano.

  • 28 Remmie Barrow on Mar 27, 2009 at 1:52 pm

    Yeah, Martha Stewart is scary…scarier than any deamon or ghost..

  • 29 Earl Fando on Mar 27, 2009 at 10:07 pm

    That was the Crispin Glover-inspired projectile vomiting. Jackie Rogers Jr. causes hives and poltergeist activity.

    Still, change the context a little and I think it’d make a great anti-smoking ad.

  • 30 Earl Fando on Mar 27, 2009 at 10:08 pm

    The place was fine though before the credit crisis. This whole mess runs even deeper than we thought.

  • 31 amamelina on Mar 28, 2009 at 6:24 pm

    Hmmm, not going to see it. I already saw this movie, several times. It ran on cabel as part of “American Hauntings” and I think some other paranormal show. I already know this story.

    I’ll wait for the Rifftrax to come out.