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You don’t say?

March 28th, 2009 by Mike Nelson · 35 Comments

Overheard on a morning walk: Guy with shrink-wrapped batch on $4000 bike to other guy with shrink-wrapped batch on $5000 bike: “After it kicked me in the ass, I’m ready to jump back into the world of financial sales.” Fair enough, but please change clothes first.

But this is the one that really caught my attention. Guy racing past on $2000 bike: “And then she turned and just connected with a vicious round house!” Hmm? A blow by blow account of Friday’s “The View”? No, I would have heard about that. I imagine he must be referring to this incident:

kangaroo punching woman 11959

Tags: RiffTrax

35 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Earl Fando on Mar 28, 2009 at 10:41 am

    The only thing I can think of that would make that photo better would be if she were on a $5,000 bike.

    And no, I don’t want to know what a “shrink-wrapped batch” is. I’m pretending these were motorcycles and Mike was using some obscure biker jargon.

  • 2 Kris on Mar 28, 2009 at 10:46 am

    I’m sorry, Mike, my dad grew up in San Diego and he tells me that he doesn’t remember the place being filled with so many batches grossly displayed, shrink-wrapped or otherwise. Or bikes with their price tags still attached. Clearly the place has changed radically in the last 20 years, though.

  • 3 Mike Nelson on Mar 28, 2009 at 11:10 am

    Yea, it must have changed. Now the place is lousy with ‘em. More shrink-wrapped batches than there are people. Very, very disturbing that I saw today an elderly crew of bikers all wearing the tighter-than-one’s-actual-skin microfiber clothing! Why? Is it really necessary that they do everything humanly possible to minify their wind resistance so that, what, they shave a quarter second off their time? It’s one of the few sports in America where casual participants feel the need to wear costumes.

  • 4 AJ on Mar 28, 2009 at 11:42 am

    I actually don’t mind the young man bikers and their “shrink wraped batches”, but then, I am a girl.

    But none of that old man shrink wrap, thank you very much, that’s just unecessary!

  • 5 Remmie Barrow on Mar 28, 2009 at 11:45 am

    I would not recommend shrink wrapping your own batch…It could lead to “damage”…I recommend wearing comfortable pants…it will breath better.

  • 6 jason on Mar 28, 2009 at 11:51 am

    Could be worse- I think it’s time for the return of… The Technoviking!

    (see, combine this story about public male batches in too-tight pants with the earlier Lady Gaga and the Hambonin’ guy, and you get the Technoviking. It all adds up).

  • 7 jason on Mar 28, 2009 at 11:53 am

    Oh, you’ll actually have to kick it up to slightly after 1 minute to see the Technoviking threaten someone before getting joggy wit it…).

  • 8 jfruh on Mar 28, 2009 at 12:14 pm

    The important question is: did the guy on teh $2,000 bike have a shrink-wrapped batch? DAMN IT, NELSON, LEARN TO SET THE SCENE HERE!

  • 9 R.A. Roth on Mar 28, 2009 at 12:44 pm

    What I love most about that photo is that Jacob Marley is shooting the entire affair while standing on a step ladder.


  • 10 Fox Mulder on Mar 28, 2009 at 1:37 pm

    That is the single greatest photo I’ve ever seen.


  • 11 AJ on Mar 28, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    And having used a shrink wrap machine n the past, I agree….those bastard machines get damn hot!

  • 12 James Shearhart on Mar 28, 2009 at 8:16 pm

    I don’t get it.

  • 13 Emily on Mar 28, 2009 at 9:37 pm

    bikes, man.

  • 14 BEMaven on Mar 29, 2009 at 1:43 am

    And I definitely don’t recommend using ZipLoc Baggies either.

  • 15 chrismartindeed on Mar 29, 2009 at 1:45 am

    Hold on.

    Were all three of them discussing the same topic?

  • 16 BEMaven on Mar 29, 2009 at 1:49 am

    Here in Michigan, you’re required to put a freshness date on anything you shrink wrap.

  • 17 AJ on Mar 29, 2009 at 5:36 am

    Oooooh, OUCH!

  • 18 askbotboy on Mar 29, 2009 at 9:24 am


    That photo looks a little Vince Noir getting jacked by a Killeroo.
    That is all.

  • 19 Ben on Mar 29, 2009 at 10:03 am

    Please don’t mention “The View”. I am still emotionally-scarred from Joy Behar and Barbara Walters discussing sex toys last week…

  • 20 AJ on Mar 29, 2009 at 10:47 am

    Whoooaaa. Easy tiger!

  • 21 Gina on Mar 29, 2009 at 7:13 pm

    Mike, how would you hear about what goes on on “The View”? Surely Bridget is way too cool to watch that nonsense. (Unless she watches it for laughs.)

  • 22 Mike Nelson on Mar 29, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    No, we don’t have TV, but even though I live in San Diego and they tape in L.A. I can hear them, even with all my windows shut.

  • 23 Mr. Alexander on Mar 30, 2009 at 5:15 am

    It’s a pity you don’t have a TV, Nelson, as Jim Gaffigan almost made me cough up a lung laughing last night with his new stand-up. How this relates to you: a five-minute bit about how bacon is the best food on Earth.

  • 24 Laura on Mar 30, 2009 at 5:54 am

    Thought I’d mention, I watched Haunting In Connecticut. It takes place in 1987. The main character has cancer, so they move closer to the hospital. OOOOHHH! Haunted houses! Actually, just a bunch of pissed off, abused spirits that were used for seances in the house.

    ‘Based On A True Story’. Huh, just like Amityville Horror?

    And the kangaroo in the picture is pissed because the woman tried to steal its soul for her own seance. People are so inconsiderate.

  • 25 awfulgoodmovies on Mar 30, 2009 at 9:57 am

    F-Stop this!!

  • 26 Elizabeth Young on Mar 30, 2009 at 11:58 am

    Best overheard conversation ever while walking: “well I don’t know about that but Bill put a frog in HIS mouth.”

    I suffered for weeks trying to make sense of that one, I like to imagine that it was a koan of some kind meant to empty my head and allow me to become clear and one with the universe.

  • 27 Kris on Mar 30, 2009 at 12:18 pm

    “More shrink-wrapped batches than there are people.”

    This sounds like the beginnings of an epic horror-movie screenplay. ATTACK OF THE DISEMBODIED BATCHES! Oh, I like.

  • 28 Invisible NanoGhost on Mar 30, 2009 at 1:44 pm

    Lewis Black has a comedy bit on overhearing the line of one girl talking to her friend, saying “If it wasn’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college”.

    He maintains that it’s the effort of trying to figure out lines like that which cause brain aneurysms…

  • 29 AJ on Mar 30, 2009 at 3:14 pm

    I overheard this from someone in the doctors surgery today, “I’m being accused, but he was the one who hit him with the crowbar”

    I really wanted to know what that story was about!

  • 30 ShutterBun on Mar 30, 2009 at 8:29 pm

    “Financial sales”? Is that really a qualifier? It’s kinda like saying “I’m ready to re-enter the world of ‘edible cooking’”

  • 31 Brooke on Apr 1, 2009 at 7:29 am

    Hoooot Pockets.

  • 32 Earl Fando on Apr 6, 2009 at 10:28 am

    I’m emotionally scarred from you just mentioning that.

    “Joy, if you could be a sex toy, what kind of sex toy would you be?”

    Disconnect! Disconnect! Disconnect!