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The Zodiac Cabaret is Over!

April 19th, 2009 by Bill Corbett · 45 Comments

Wax J. Edgar Hoover says break it up and go home, everyone.

Wax J. Edgar Hoover

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UPDATE: Though the figure above really is supposed to be J. Edgar, it’s possible they accidentally used latter-day Stooge “Curly” (ha!) Joe DeRita as model:

Joe Derita
CurlyJoeDeRita
**Update by Mike**

Turns out it’s NOT a wax figure, simply a candid shot of the late Rodney Dangerfield.

rodney dangerfield

Tags: RiffTrax

45 responses so far ↓

  • 1 CrowTeeRobot on Apr 19, 2009 at 5:16 pm

    I have problems with wax J.EH, he’s not nearly lumpy enough, his head isn’t as lopsided as reality and his suit is much too disorderly, it is a known fact the Mr. Hoover would make up for his incredibly doughiness by dressing immaculately.

  • 2 Remmie Barrow on Apr 19, 2009 at 5:20 pm

    He is just making that face in attempt to figure out which silk dress he is going to wear tonight.

  • 3 peri on Apr 19, 2009 at 5:26 pm

    Here I was thinking it was the look of a man with uncomfortable lingerie issues.

  • 4 pjwaldron on Apr 19, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    “I gotta tell ya, I get NO respect, no respect at all. Why, just last week I went to see my doctor, Dr. Vidi-boom-ba. Yeah I said, ‘Doc, I’ve got this overwhelming urge to dress up in my wife’s clothes. What should I do?’ And he said, ‘Well first, you’re gonna have to drop about 20 pounds.’”

  • 5 CrowTeeRobot on Apr 19, 2009 at 5:37 pm

    “Uh oh, I can feel em’ headin’ north!”

  • 6 jfe on Apr 19, 2009 at 5:43 pm

    What the heck is he looking up at and why is he sitting in front of a brick wall? Do these wax houses really get customers?

  • 7 BEMaven on Apr 19, 2009 at 5:47 pm

    It was an easy mistake to make.

    Joe DeRita and J. Edgar Hoover both had the same dress size.

  • 8 Tom on Apr 19, 2009 at 6:30 pm

    So did anybody make the dressing up in woman’s clothing gag yet?

  • 9 SomeGuyRiffs on Apr 19, 2009 at 7:48 pm

    That’s actually Arnold at the end of Total Recall.

  • 10 Erica on Apr 19, 2009 at 7:50 pm

    I’m just not sure why I need a wax J. Edgar Hoover. I’ve made peace with the wax Laurel and Hardy, the wax Obamas, the wax Nicholas Cage, cause hey: who doesn’t need a wax Nicholas Cage? But wax J. Edgar Hoover? Why?

    And someone has to get with Madame Tussaud’s about their decor, their backgrounds, their sets, whatever they are called, they are tack tack TACKY!

  • 11 Erica on Apr 19, 2009 at 7:55 pm

    I’m sorry I snapped. The wax J. Edgar Hoover just put me over the edge. I’ll be in the corner, sipping my bourbon and reflecting on my behavior.

  • 12 Bill Corbett on Apr 19, 2009 at 7:59 pm

    Erica, you chose the right beverage for behavior-reflecting. Spot on! A few snorts, and all behavior = absolutely justified, perhaps brilliant.

  • 13 Molly on Apr 19, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    When the wax figure obsession has run it’s course, can we set them all on fire a la the Vincent Price movie “House of Wax”?

    at least metaphorically? or virtually?
    clearly I haven’t thought this through… must google cyber-arson

  • 14 Erica on Apr 19, 2009 at 8:18 pm

    Damn straight, Bill! I thought it over, and I have not only justified my behavior, I have forgotten it. I *am* brilliant! Life is beautiful again! Tomorrow morning maybe not so much, but live in the now, live in the now…

  • 15 Erica on Apr 19, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    I say we make giant candles out of them. We might end up doing some time for that, but maybe it would be worth it.

    Although this could be some kind of good samaritan thing, right? Saving the world from wax J. Edgar Hoovers and fugly decor?

  • 16 Molly on Apr 19, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    yes! And maybe they could even be an eco-friendly energy source. Forget halogens! Light up a J. Edgar Hoover! It’ll last for years, I’m sure.

    A bad wax figure for every home! Yay alternative energy!

  • 17 jfe on Apr 19, 2009 at 8:51 pm

    Just keep them away from the curtains.

  • 18 Brooke on Apr 19, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    Please see 6 of 7 first comments…

  • 19 Queen Shadowrama on Apr 19, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    Thank you. I needed that horribly disfigured wax abomination right before bed.

    *plans to dream of oversized, lopsided eyeballs all night long*

  • 20 Brooke on Apr 19, 2009 at 10:13 pm

    These sculpters are just ahead of their time. I’m sure people were first creaped out by those marble statues. Now we all pay a shit-ton (can I say Sh*t-ton here?) to preserve and look at them occationaly… Wax is the new marble.

  • 21 jenifersf on Apr 19, 2009 at 10:19 pm

    Every time I click on this page and see that sack of potatoes in a suit with the gorgeous watery blue eyes askew I get a brain owie.

  • 22 AJ on Apr 19, 2009 at 11:34 pm

    Looks more like that big Sloth dude from The Goonies to me.

  • 23 Kenotic on Apr 19, 2009 at 11:53 pm

    It still looks funnier than the far more depressing Joe Besser wax figure that looks like Janet Reno.

  • 24 chrismartin on Apr 20, 2009 at 2:33 am

    Better still, you could turn them into sex candles.

    Dear God! What am I thinking? Could this be a side effect of my addiction to Showtime?

  • 25 Scooter on Apr 20, 2009 at 3:40 am

    shit-ton? That’s metric, right?

  • 26 Tork_110 on Apr 20, 2009 at 5:39 am

    Could someone please glue a waffle to the area where this statue is staring at?

  • 27 Earl Fando on Apr 20, 2009 at 5:48 am

    Just a point about Tussaud’s, but I think all the decor is nouveau dungeon. The interior decorator was the hangman from Blazing Saddles.

  • 28 Earl Fando on Apr 20, 2009 at 5:51 am

    I thought it was a melting Rodney Dangerfield. The man gets no respect. None.

  • 29 rebisaz on Apr 20, 2009 at 6:11 am

    Wax J. Edgar brings to mind, of course, real J. Edgar, and do you know who he was like? Do you? That’s right. Hitler.
    That was for you, Bill.

  • 30 Erica on Apr 20, 2009 at 6:27 am

    I think the metric term is “S Load”

  • 31 Katie Jane on Apr 20, 2009 at 7:45 am

    Unrelated, but I’m a little disappointed that my search for “wax Joe Don Baker” was completely fruitless.

    Of course, that could be a good thing – I certainly don’t want to stumble upon any articles about Joe Don Baker getting anything waxed.

  • 32 Mike Finley on Apr 20, 2009 at 8:28 am

    I think it’s time to start the official “Wax Joe Don Baker” campaign. I’m sure he’ll approve.

  • 33 Wesley Stamper on Apr 20, 2009 at 9:31 am

    Originally a Wax Don Zimmer, one midnight, when the wax figures came to life (as is their wont), wax Pedro Martinez sucker punched it and knocked its eyes askew.
    In the morning, an employee, whose father was a filthy commie, took it upon himself to rename the figure J. Edgar Hoover, thinking that the implied impaired eye sight of the cockeyed figure made a subtle, yet profound political statement about the FBI’s, and, by extension, America’s “vision”.
    He, however, being a craven coward like all commies, told his boss that he changed the figure due to the fact that nobody cared who Don Zimmer was now that he was with the Rays.

  • 34 SomeGuyRiffs on Apr 20, 2009 at 9:47 am

    http://www.cyberpunkreview.com/images/totalrecall09.jpg

  • 35 Earl Fando on Apr 20, 2009 at 10:36 am

    I knew it.

  • 36 pjwaldron on Apr 20, 2009 at 10:54 am

    Alternate punchline: “And he said, ‘Well, you’ll have to come over to my place to pick them up.’”
    *rimshot*

  • 37 puerileuwaite on Apr 20, 2009 at 11:38 am

    Which came first? The G-Man or the G-String?

  • 38 Scooter on Apr 20, 2009 at 1:33 pm

    ah, yes. and I believe that is as far as a measurement joke can be taken. I mean, I suppose you could take the Kelvin-temperature type relation and call it “absolute shit”, but we’re not really talking thermodynamics here now are we?

    Oh, and I apologize for the language.

  • 39 Erica on Apr 20, 2009 at 2:48 pm

    I wasn’t offended by the language, I was just using the term that I had heard before without saying the word myself :)

  • 40 Invisible NanoGhost on Apr 20, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    He gets no riff-spect

  • 41 CrowTeeRobot on Apr 20, 2009 at 7:00 pm

    I don’t think there’s enough wax in the world for that job. Oh for a figure? Nevermind then.

  • 42 Houndstooth Mind on Apr 21, 2009 at 2:24 am

    It’s a Killer From Space!

  • 43 Elizabeth on Apr 21, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    and again I say AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!