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NOT made of wax.

April 26th, 2009 by Bill Corbett · 59 Comments

There. Happy now?

twilight edward toy

Tags: RiffTrax

59 responses so far ↓

  • 1 jenifersf on Apr 26, 2009 at 8:06 pm

    No. No I am not.

  • 2 Erica on Apr 26, 2009 at 8:22 pm

    Um, NO I am not happy, I demanded more wax people things!

    There are so many possibilities!! Wax Werner Klemperer! Wax Sinatra! Wax Jesse L. Martin! How could anyone possibly be done with THAT?

    Wax!

    That reminds me, I’m out of candles…

  • 3 karen on Apr 26, 2009 at 8:26 pm

    typical marketing ploy. fortunately for me the only things I want are wallace and gromit figureines. and they look GOOD in wax. edwards looks much too disturbing…

  • 4 Gina on Apr 26, 2009 at 8:39 pm

    You’re a cruel man, Bill Corbett.

    Anyway, he might as well be made of wax, what with all the “pale white and ice cold.” (Pale white? PALE WHITE? Talk English, girl!!)

  • 5 Invisible NanoGhost on Apr 26, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    A wax Edward could be made to work. Just include a wick, and you’ve got a nice sparkly candle.

  • 6 Rob on Apr 26, 2009 at 8:40 pm

    No, I am not. Wax melts easier than plastic.

  • 7 rebisaz on Apr 26, 2009 at 9:23 pm

    No. I am not. Even if it sparkles in the sunlight, I would not be happy. In fact it would make me even LESS happy.

  • 8 jenifersf on Apr 26, 2009 at 9:29 pm

    What about was farm animals? Wax insects? Wax fetal deformities and abnormal conditions? Waxen acting does not count!

  • 9 rebisaz on Apr 26, 2009 at 9:45 pm

    Yeah, you can’t leave us with wax Hitler. How can you look fondly back on an obsession that ended with wax Hitler?

  • 10 Earl Fando on Apr 26, 2009 at 9:49 pm

    Hey, it’ll still burn, right?

  • 11 Beth on Apr 26, 2009 at 9:50 pm

    Wax Hitler and wax Jay Leno are still not as scary as the fact that Edward warrants his own doll.

  • 12 C.G. on Apr 26, 2009 at 9:54 pm

    And melting plastic usually gives off very strong (sometimes toxic) fumes, although there is probably some debate over what a melting wax Hitler would smell like.

  • 13 randommanthefirst on Apr 27, 2009 at 12:27 am

    http://www.entertainmentearth.com/prodinfo.asp?number=NMHND40598

    At last! I can get one of these Edward figures and make him do epic battle against my Shia Labeouf figure to determine who the least talented actor on the planet is!

  • 14 BEMaven on Apr 27, 2009 at 12:46 am

    Only if it’s airtight and he runs out of oxygen.

  • 15 chrismartindeed on Apr 27, 2009 at 12:53 am

    They should have included the Choking Hazard label with the DVD release.

  • 16 chrismartindeed on Apr 27, 2009 at 12:58 am

    Well, why do you suppose they sell George Foreman Grills?

  • 17 Ninjew on Apr 27, 2009 at 3:05 am

    Where are his scissor hands?

  • 18 BEMaven on Apr 27, 2009 at 4:02 am

    And what’s with that giant belt buckle? He’s too young and slight to be a professional wrestler.

  • 19 awfulgoodmovies on Apr 27, 2009 at 5:13 am

    Wow! That guy is tiny….. I’m talking Tom Cruise tiny.

  • 20 Casey on Apr 27, 2009 at 5:23 am

    hey! make a youtube video of it burning and I am positive it will become extremely viral!

  • 21 OmegaRowsdower on Apr 27, 2009 at 5:36 am

    James Franco is Edward?

  • 22 Mr. Alexander on Apr 27, 2009 at 6:13 am

    So how many prepubescent girls with black fingernail polish are going to be frantically searching eBay for that cupboard from THE INDIAN IN THE CUPBOARD?

  • 23 pjwaldron on Apr 27, 2009 at 6:46 am

    I was going to say that the warning label should be reworded to read, “Gagging Hazard,” but I like yours better.

  • 24 Ed H on Apr 27, 2009 at 6:46 am

    so, is the new obsession blister packed action figures?

  • 25 Earl Fando on Apr 27, 2009 at 6:52 am

    Bill can’t be finished. No one’s made any “wax on, wax off” jokes yet.

    Well, if they did, I missed them…

  • 26 Mark Andrew on Apr 27, 2009 at 7:43 am

    Yes, but he IS made of wood

  • 27 Erica on Apr 27, 2009 at 8:11 am

    Yes, on “Law & Order: Criminal Intent” I learned that melting plastic produces dioxin. It’s an educational show, really.

  • 28 Rob T Firefly on Apr 27, 2009 at 8:17 am

    Dip it in glitter glue first.

  • 29 Brooke on Apr 27, 2009 at 8:26 am

    So he floats? does that mean if he weighs the same as a duck… he’s a… witc… vampire?

  • 30 awfulgoodmovies on Apr 27, 2009 at 9:41 am

    AND….Can you use a wooden stake on a wooden vampire?

  • 31 Lyndsey on Apr 27, 2009 at 10:05 am

    http://www.usmagazine.com/photos/stars-wax-figures

  • 32 Mr. Alexander on Apr 27, 2009 at 10:46 am

    Why is there such a thin line between what a person looks like, and what a soul-less abomination trying to take human form looks like? Because if you were trying to describe these things, you couldn’t define what it is that makes the wax mannequins so nightmarish…

  • 33 Splunge on Apr 27, 2009 at 11:34 am

    If Stephenie Meyer didn’t specify that he’s pale white, readers might assume he’s dark white!

  • 34 Lexie on Apr 27, 2009 at 12:43 pm

    WHY WOULD THAT MAKE ME HAPPY?

  • 35 awfulgoodmovies on Apr 27, 2009 at 1:08 pm

    Just ordered 200 of these babies.

    http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3526356&CAWELAID=331473189

    Figure I can sell them for 500-600$ in a couple of years make myself a nice profit! (200 x 600 = 120,000$…or is that 1,200,000$?!?! …no matter… either way I’M RICH!)

    Thanks Bill! You rock!

  • 36 Nyx on Apr 27, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    THAT’s what kids’ toys look like these days? Note to self: Never have kids.

    And I even liked to book. It’s going to take ages to suppress the memories of the movie and this toy, so I can actually read it again!

  • 37 Nyx on Apr 27, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    I think it’s the eyes. The rest of the figures look human, but the eyes are completely devoid of life.

  • 38 Nyx on Apr 27, 2009 at 1:25 pm

    Set the stake on fire first and it should be okay.

  • 39 Nyx on Apr 27, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    I concur. More wax!

  • 40 Nyx on Apr 27, 2009 at 1:28 pm

    Well, an entire film crew and obviously a bunch of toy-makers just got it wrong, so it just goes to show.

  • 41 Remmie Barrow on Apr 27, 2009 at 1:55 pm

    No…that is more disterbing than anything in wax.

  • 42 CrowTeeRobot on Apr 27, 2009 at 2:07 pm

    I have yet to see the movie, but I’m assuming the shield that comes with it is supposed to be used to beat away the fangirls and fan-moms and fan-creepy middleaged men.

  • 43 Bill Corbett on Apr 27, 2009 at 3:03 pm

    “Bill can’t be finished. No one’s made any “wax on, wax off” jokes yet.

    Well, if they did, I missed them…”

    50% true. Scroll down to the last line of this:

    http://blog.rifftrax.com/2009/04/24/wax-dracula/

  • 44 Elizabeth on Apr 27, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    Perhaps I could meltdown all of the Twilight action figures and fashion them into a nice fruit bowl.

  • 45 Erica on Apr 27, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    Well, still, Bill, more wax.

  • 46 Erica on Apr 27, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    Might as well get some good karma out of melting them – how about recycling containers?

  • 47 Margoo on Apr 27, 2009 at 4:41 pm

    The funny thing is that when I got to the Jonas Brothers wax figures I was wondering why they had two wax figures of each brother. It took me quite a while to figure out that the ones on the left were the REAL Jonas Brothers (I think).

  • 48 Erica on Apr 27, 2009 at 6:13 pm

    Margoo – I am so glad that I’m not the only one who did that. Except I just thought there were more Jonas Brothers than I thought there were, it took me an extra step to realize that there were three sets of two. I only marginally pay attention to their existence so I guess that’s my excuse :)

  • 49 Attia on Apr 27, 2009 at 10:11 pm

    THAT IS THE DOLL OF A KILLER!!

  • 50 Nyx on Apr 28, 2009 at 4:21 am

    Only see it riffed, or there’s a good chance you won’t make it through the whole thing without losing your latest meal.

    The badge or shield or whatever I don’t get at all. What does it come from, anyway?

  • 51 Nyx on Apr 28, 2009 at 4:22 am

    Aren’t toys usually made from the really, really bad and toxic and/or poisonous kind of plastic?

  • 52 Katie Jane on Apr 28, 2009 at 4:45 am

    When did K.D. Lang get an action figure?

  • 53 awfulgoodmovies on Apr 28, 2009 at 5:09 am

    I occur too! More wax!

    What’s the point of having a blog if you’re not gonna talk wax stuff!?

  • 54 Mike Finley on Apr 28, 2009 at 5:26 am

    Step 1:
    Take an action figure of Christopher Eccleston’s Doctor Who and repaint and remove head
    Step 2:
    Put on stupid head
    Step 3:
    Make millions

  • 55 Earl Fando on Apr 28, 2009 at 6:01 am

    I told you I missed it.

    Would it be totally obvious of me to implore you to “wax on?”

  • 56 Erica on Apr 28, 2009 at 6:04 am

    Yep – but melted plastic can also somehow miraculously be made into fleece. See my above post on dioxin.

  • 57 Walter Kovacs on May 5, 2009 at 9:20 am

    With it over we can wax poetically about the times we had …