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April 28th, 2009 by Mike Nelson · 47 Comments

0088 1 mdThe sheer unbounded awesomeness of this! A wax figure of Dalton – and it’s for sale!

I am of course putting in a bid and we shall see.

Tags: RiffTrax

47 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Poe Ghostal on Apr 28, 2009 at 7:28 am

    No shoes? What a rip-off.

  • 2 Houndstooth Mind on Apr 28, 2009 at 7:29 am

    So, the missus doesn’t read the blog does she?

  • 3 Ariel on Apr 28, 2009 at 7:33 am

    Set up a paypal account and I’ll personally contribute $ 0.26 to the fund. Such magnificence SHOULD be yours!

  • 4 Mr. Alexander on Apr 28, 2009 at 7:34 am

    So, if I may skip ahead: Mike wins the auction, hollows out the figure into a crude Swayze suit, and the San Diego police find themselves in a deadly game of cat-and-mouse with the expressionless Pain Don’t Hurt Killer.

  • 5 Jesse on Apr 28, 2009 at 7:47 am

    He has his shirt on? Didn’t they see the movie?

  • 6 Ted on Apr 28, 2009 at 7:54 am

    What the crap? 6′2″?

    Mike, you must make a claymation “stop-action” movie with him. Maybe a soliloquy from Hamet?

  • 7 Erica on Apr 28, 2009 at 8:08 am

    I have about .52 since til I get paid tomorrow, I can spare it for a worthy cause.

  • 8 Ariel on Apr 28, 2009 at 8:09 am

    That’s the spirit! How about it Mike?

  • 9 jenifersf on Apr 28, 2009 at 8:13 am

    Where is the rest of his feet?

  • 10 Chris D. on Apr 28, 2009 at 8:18 am

    Wax don’t hurt.

  • 11 Mystok on Apr 28, 2009 at 8:19 am

    Sorry guys. The wax figure has just been hired to play a supporting role in the next Twilight movie.

  • 12 Jesse on Apr 28, 2009 at 8:39 am

    For some reason my wife wants this for our bedroom.

  • 13 Shawn on Apr 28, 2009 at 8:44 am

    Does the figure come with the clothes pictured, or supplied naked and you have to provide your own? Same question again, but for the wig?

  • 14 AJ on Apr 28, 2009 at 8:55 am

    No, they need to be wooden and not wax.

  • 15 Ben on Apr 28, 2009 at 8:57 am

    Hmm, maybe I could dress him in camo and turn him back into Jed from “Red Dawn”…

  • 16 AJ on Apr 28, 2009 at 8:59 am

    What will you do with it if you win it?

    I could suggest several things, like scaring the life out of your post or newspaper delivery person by standing it at your window. Or you could throw a lavish party and stand him at the door so no riff-raff can get in.

    Or, maybe you just want to stand it in your office/bedroom so you can give it a hug everyday.

  • 17 Erica on Apr 28, 2009 at 9:02 am

    Just don’t put him in the corner. Nobody puts Dalton in the corner.

  • 18 Queen Bee on Apr 28, 2009 at 9:37 am

    My favorite part of this entire affair is that Wax Dalton is clearly *too big for eBay.*

    ‘Tis a blessing that pain don’t hurt, because that left arm is at an entirely inhuman angle. An injury sustained, I assume, after the “Be Nice” and “Take It Outside” policies were enacted.

  • 19 awfulgoodmovies on Apr 28, 2009 at 9:41 am

    A wild Dalton is dangerous when cornered!

  • 20 awfulgoodmovies on Apr 28, 2009 at 9:59 am

    You and Dalton may preach that….But until you’ve been crushed by a wax John Goodman……..WAX DO HURT!

  • 21 BEMaven on Apr 28, 2009 at 10:45 am

    I’ll pass.

    Last year, I put in a bid on a wax figure of Swayze from ‘Ghost’.

    It never showed up.

  • 22 Constantine on Apr 28, 2009 at 10:58 am

    I may be wrong, but it looks like that wax statue is too stupid to have a good time.

  • 23 Nerf on Apr 28, 2009 at 11:12 am

    I can contribute a table cloth from an Italian restaurant.

  • 24 Nerf on Apr 28, 2009 at 11:14 am

    You could make a Swayze mask then cover it with a Reagan mask.

  • 25 Mike Finley on Apr 28, 2009 at 11:17 am

    One day, one day, Patrick will make his rifftrax debut. Until then…. you could just put this in the room with you. Magic will happen regardless.

  • 26 Nerf on Apr 28, 2009 at 11:20 am

    Don’t worry. I sent the following message to the auctioneer:

    “I have a question about the “Dalton” wax figure being auctioned. Can the shirt be removed from the figure? In other words, is it anatomically correct under the shirt?”

  • 27 Nerf on Apr 28, 2009 at 11:28 am

    And I received this response:

    “The shirt can be removed from the figure, which is a conventional mannequin.”

  • 28 skullhappy on Apr 28, 2009 at 11:29 am

    no other bids…NO other bids??!! What has this society come to when art such as this remains unappreciated?
    I say bid, young Nelson, bid until you can’t bid no more!

  • 29 Geena on Apr 28, 2009 at 12:02 pm

    I’m gonna bid on this… until it’s time to not bid anymore.

  • 30 yislash on Apr 28, 2009 at 12:44 pm

    As was explained to me, not having shoes provides more opportunity for walking across broken glass bottles and saying “Pain don’t hurt.”

  • 31 awfulgoodmovies on Apr 28, 2009 at 1:00 pm

    Same thing happened to me when I ordered the script for ‘Roadhouse’.

  • 32 chrismartindeed on Apr 28, 2009 at 1:09 pm

    Wow. They also have wax figures of Alexandria Paul from ‘Baywatch’, Tom Cruise, Julia Roberts, and Mel Gibson.

    But all five figures look like the same body with a different head.

  • 33 Brooke on Apr 28, 2009 at 2:17 pm

    Dear Mike, Bill and Kevin,
    Not wax. Still I feel you would be interested in this health food based bust. http://chiaobama.com/
    Sincerely,
    Brooke

  • 34 Remmie Barrow on Apr 28, 2009 at 2:29 pm

    The real problem with this wax representation is that this Dalton has a shirt on…Didn’t they watch the movie?

  • 35 AJ on Apr 28, 2009 at 3:47 pm

    And he’s not bleeding either, I remember Dalton bleeding and quite a bit too.

  • 36 CrowTeeRobot on Apr 28, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    And then she’ll politely ask you to leave the bedroom, and you’ll end up watching reruns of “Who’s the Boss?” on Nick-At-Nite while eating a cold bologna sandwich and hearing auspicious noises emenating from your bedroom.

  • 37 CrowTeeRobot on Apr 28, 2009 at 7:01 pm

    His right arm is clearly made from an old, thin cured ham.

  • 38 CrowTeeRobot on Apr 28, 2009 at 7:18 pm

    http://www.liveauctioneers.com/item/6314308

    I find it disturbing that in the place of Moe they just used an extra Dean Martin figure they had laying around and slapped a bad wig on it.

  • 39 Earl Fando on Apr 29, 2009 at 5:56 am

    No bloody knuckles? What a rip off.

  • 40 Nyx on Apr 29, 2009 at 12:08 pm

    But who’s going to know after they’ve painted it “pale white”?

  • 41 Nyx on Apr 29, 2009 at 12:09 pm

    This just makes it more obvious that it’s not whether it’s anatomically correct under the SHIRT that really matters…

  • 42 pjwaldron on Apr 29, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    It’s a scam. They’re clearly trying to pass off an inferior Corey Feldman figure as a genuine Dalton. Nice try.

  • 43 pjwaldron on Apr 29, 2009 at 12:39 pm

    Here’s the awful truth:
    http://tinyurl.com/dkd5rd

  • 44 Earl Fando on Apr 29, 2009 at 2:03 pm

    I’d suggest taking turns wearing the mullet wig around the office.

  • 45 Earl Fando on Apr 29, 2009 at 2:04 pm

    Julia Roberts and Mel Gibson with the same body? You just made my brain hurt.

  • 46 Erica on Apr 29, 2009 at 7:34 pm

    I guess sometimes it’s best not to say anything.

    Having said that, I have to go to try to remove that image from my memory.