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Trappings of privilege

May 1st, 2009 by · 30 Comments

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Was reading an article about Justice David Souter stepping down, when I came across some valuable information:

He kept comfortably to routine, bringing a daily lunch of an apple and yogurt in a plastic grocery bag, eating alone in his chambers.

I leapt on this, and placed a phone call, hoping to land this dynamic sounding gent as a guest riffer, but as you’d imagine, he’s difficult to reach.  But what truly struck me was this line:

The thrifty Souter shunned the trappings of power and privilege that came with being a Supreme Court justice. 

Ah yes, the infamous “trappings of power and privilege” that are showered upon all Supreme Court justices.  Even prized college football recruits have not seen anything like the trove of riches and secrets that are yours as soon as you don the robes and join the elite-ist nine man team there is.  I did some research and found out what some of these privileges are, that we mortals will forever live in jealous desire of:

  • For Supreme Court Justices, McDonald’s serves breakfast for an extra hour.  For Chief Justice?  All day long.
  • The guy who makes all those “Calvin Peeing” decals will make you one of Calvin peeing on whatever you like.
  • Chuck E. Cheese’s “you must have a child with you to enter” rule no longer applies.
  • Once every three years you can call up George Lucas and tell him he has to change something in one of his movies, and he has to do it, no matter how pointless and stupid.
  • On your birthday, all the clerks in the court have to refer to you as “The Sexecutioner”
  • Exclusive access to Pruane2Forever’s videos a day before he actually posts them. (Pruane2 is often referred to as the “Tenth Justice”)
  • If you have a cat, Fancy Feast has a special “Fancier Feast” line of cat food just for Justices
  • Justices actually personally dictate the content of the comics page in newspapers.  Wonder why the hell a newspaper would still print “Baldo”? Clarence Thomas is a huge fan.

This list is just a tip of the iceberg.  Most justices will deny any knowledge of it. But if you ever see Clarence Thomas bending over, try to catch a glimpse of his “Baldo” tramp stamp.  Trust me, it’s there.

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Tags: RiffTrax · silly