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This… is… SPARTA!!

May 6th, 2009 by Bill Corbett · 33 Comments

Sparta, Wisconsin, that is!

sparta visitorinfo 01

Sparta, the “Bicycling Capital of America!”

Ben Bikin

Sparta, where the 32-foot statue of Gay 90s (shut up) cyclist “Ben Bikin” greets you!

Little Ben Bikin

Sparta, where Ben Bikin’s tiny human counterpart “Little Ben” is happy to welcome you!

But stand warned: gently mock of any of the above, and you WILL get your ass kicked down a bottomless well!

this is sparta

(ABOVE: Dramatic reenactment of recent episode where “Little Ben” Bikin dispatched mouthy frat boy from La Crosse.)

Tags: RiffTrax

33 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Joyless Prole on May 6, 2009 at 8:41 pm


    Too bad I don’t have a witty comment to commemorate this momentous occasion. Damn you, teachers of america for failing to properly give me a good attention sp

  • 2 jenifersf on May 6, 2009 at 9:38 pm

    That is so awesome that a town has it’s own 800 number!

  • 3 jenifersf on May 6, 2009 at 9:38 pm


  • 4 rebisaz on May 6, 2009 at 10:01 pm

    Neat! In high school, we were called the Spartans. The coolest thing was watching our mascot ride that highwheel boneshaker around the football field at halftime. Then kicking the opposing team’s mascot into our bottomless pit, of course. I always wondered where that tradition came from.

    The police had to come out a lot.

  • 5 BEMaven on May 6, 2009 at 11:02 pm

    Will Bikin be seriously offended if I ask him how he manages to stay atop that tall bike?

  • 6 John A on May 7, 2009 at 3:07 am

    Dude, how do you talk about Sparta without mentioning Deke Slayton, everyone’s fifth or sixth favorite among the Mercury Seven, and the only member of the Mercury Seven who did not fly on the Mercury program? For miles ahead on the interstate, you see loads of signs for the “Deke Slayton Memorial Space & Bicycle Museum”. I have no idea how much of the museum of dedicated to each, or how much overlap there is between Deke Slayton and Bicycles, but the concept is awesome.

  • 7 John A on May 7, 2009 at 3:09 am

    Oh, and why did I not include a link?

  • 8 chrismartindeed on May 7, 2009 at 3:18 am

    Is it legal to operate a SpeedFit treadmobile within city limits?

  • 9 TheWonkey on May 7, 2009 at 4:13 am

    Lose the glasses, the hat, and the mustache, and I think you’ll find that “Little Ben” is none other than Mr. Bill Corbett.

  • 10 Harold Bissonette on May 7, 2009 at 4:22 am


    “And I suppose you’re telling me if I live to be 200 I’ll get a velocipede.”

  • 11 awfulgoodmovies on May 7, 2009 at 5:32 am

    In 2007, ‘ jogging without the ground’(JoWoToG) tried to play in Sparta…..But Ben Bikin sent some of his cronies to ‘fix us good’…….The battle that ensued is legendary……Bicycles and Speedfits were strewn about the battle field…..I lost 4 more bandmates and 2 roadies…..I counted 12 dead Spartans…….I hunted down Bikin and ran him over with my signature move: ‘The Power Jog’……….His death was celebrated by the city and I was given a hero’s welcome!

    And yes, Speedfits are now allowed in Sparta!

  • 12 Casey on May 7, 2009 at 5:47 am

    Any mention of infanticide in the brochure?

  • 13 Kelsey R on May 7, 2009 at 5:48 am

    Through all the years of watching MST3K, I’ve been waiting for a reference to my hometown of Sparta, Wisconsin. There may have been one I missed, but I’m so happy to see Sparta finally get the ribbing it deserves. BTW, my brother’s best friend won the contest to name Ben Bikin’. Yes, Ben Bikin’ was the best of all possible choices. As far as the Space & Bicycle Museum…the last/only time I was there was 1995. I was in 6th grade, and even then I thought “this place is lame.”

  • 14 Rob T Firefly on May 7, 2009 at 6:02 am

    Rest assured, Little Ben is wearing his standard-issue Leather Battle Panties underneath his deceptively low-key yellow jodhpurs.

  • 15 CrowTeeRobot on May 7, 2009 at 6:16 am

    Is bill secretly 80 years old? Because that would explain alot.

  • 16 Erica on May 7, 2009 at 7:55 am

    But, who is Spartacus?

  • 17 taters on May 7, 2009 at 9:40 am

    i’m spartacus

  • 18 pjwaldron on May 7, 2009 at 10:26 am

    *dramatically & selflessly rising to feet* No, I’m Spartacus!
    *Kirk Douglas cries a little*

  • 19 jfe on May 7, 2009 at 10:36 am

    I’ll bet bicycle repair man visits here a lot.

  • 20 Earl Fando on May 7, 2009 at 11:49 am

    Mock? On the contrary, I’m getting red tails and yellow pants just like those as soon as I leave work.

    If someone’s going to kick my ass, then let it be for May-themed sartorial adventurism rather than coarse sarcasm!

  • 21 gojikranz on May 7, 2009 at 12:06 pm

    hey everyone knows Davis Ca is the bicycle capital of america! we have teh bicycle museum and the largest bike parade in the united states (hong kong beat us for world AAGGGH).

    SPARTA I CHALLENGE YOU TO PROOVE YOUR BIKE CAPITAL STATUS!! and dont just try kicking us down a well you cant solve all your problems that way

  • 22 Rob III on May 7, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    Having biked it, the Sparta Bike trail runs through a handful of converted train tunnels. They aren’t lighted, and can go on in pitch dark for up to half a mile.

    It’s like falling down a horizontal bottomless well!

  • 23 Vinícius Souza on May 7, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    This town is madness!!!!!

  • 24 randommanthefirst on May 8, 2009 at 1:42 am

    As long as that was only to commemorate your first ever post, we won’t have to resort to lynch mobbing.

  • 25 randommanthefirst on May 8, 2009 at 1:43 am

    My high school’s Spartans never did anything like that. Kind of sad really.

    Though they did behead a few people.

  • 26 Beatnik Samurai on May 8, 2009 at 5:12 am

    Come back with your highwheeler, or on it.

  • 27 NavarezElectro on May 8, 2009 at 9:44 am

    ‘Capital L, small A, capital F, small O, small N, small G. Carl LaFong.’

  • 28 Ben Bikin on May 10, 2009 at 5:53 pm

    Excuse me good sir. Davis CA. is but a figment of my imagination, for i am he, THE GOD OF BIKING, and my essence has been captured in that godawful fiberglass statue…although I must say, the mustache is flattering and distinguished.

  • 29 ShutterBun on May 11, 2009 at 10:55 pm

    Sparta, Wisconsin, is Mercury 7 Astronaut Donald K. Slayton’s hometown. I defy anyone to match wills (err, historically speaking, of course) with Deke. Indeed, I can quite easily visualize him booting Gargarin and Titov to their unknowable dooms via his NASA-issued boot.

  • 30 gojikranz on May 15, 2009 at 9:54 am

    come to davis and say that!

  • 31 gojikranz on May 15, 2009 at 9:55 am

    i do like your mustache though