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Win tickets to go see RiffTrax Live!!!

August 12th, 2009 by Conor Lastowka · 69 Comments

If, by any chance, you still haven’t bought tickets to RiffTrax Live at your local movie theater, (Thursday, 8/20, aka NEXT WEEK!!!) here’s your chance to win a pair!

Since this is an amazing show featuring our funniest riffs of Plan 9 yet, an unreleased short, and the talented contributions of Veronica Belmont, Jonathan Coulton and Rich “Lowtax” Kyanka, I figured what better way to promote it than by recaptioning some old Family Circus cartoons!

All you have to do is take any of these Family Circus cartoons and recaption them with an (in)appropriate RiffTrax riff or quote from a RiffTrax’d movie.  Paraphrasing is OK, but I have to understand what you’re getting at.  Make me laugh, and win a pair of tickets.  We’ll pick winners at the end of the day tomorrow and you’ll get your tickets in the mail.  Be sure you specify which cartoon your caption is for!

A. 1Family Circus

B. 4Family Circus

C. Family Circus

D. i041002famcirc

E. nfc2

F. 2Family Circus

G. family

H. family circus 756425

I. nd5

For all the info about our RiffTrax Live event, check out the page here.  Also included is a box for you to enter your zip code to see the nearest theater.

Tags: Events · RiffTrax · RiffTrax Live!

69 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Houndstooth Mind on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:01 pm

    Cartoon A: “Well, time for me to go take a you know what in the woods!” From Moose Baby.

    I already have my ticket but if I win another pair I’ll give em to a couple of friends who I think would just love the show!

  • 2 Tom on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:11 pm

    A) I didn’t inhale! Honest!

  • 3 Daniel Floyd on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    A – Dude that was epic stuff, I so have the munchies right now!

    B- Honey, the kids found the kinky toy drawer!

    C- Possible reasons how Vlad the Impaler got his drinking blood addiction

    D- Wow that clown had some junk in the trunk!

    E- When Catholic Baseball teams started to go array

    F- And then daddy said: “Git er Done”

    G- I wonder if the Blue Drapes match the Rug?

    H- After they pay up, one goes to your room with you and one with me. You do what ever they want, It’s really not a big deal, you get use to it.

    I- Why do I continue to see Will Farrell movies?

  • 4 Wes Johnson on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    Cartoon A: Eff Yul Brenner for being right about smoking.

    Cartoon B: Put mommy’s back massager back in her nightstand!

    Cartoon c: Screw you and I can’t have any pudding if I don;t eat my meat, Grandma.

    Cartoon D: A diaper will not last an entire week.

    Cartoon E: I am sorry about NBC’s camera crew showing up.

    Cartoon F: Daddy is fondling his junk in the drive way!

    Cartoon G: Dolly stop summoning Grandma’s ghost.

    Cartoon H: Watch the fun after they mixed up Gramma’s medication.

    Cartoon I: I did not win RiffTrax Live tickets… those bastards!

  • 5 blablover5 on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:12 pm

    I got two, courtesy of 300 and a Skull that looks like an ashtray:

  • 6 Michael Curran on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:22 pm


    Parents who eat drugs, and children who eat drugs.


    “Dad, we’re playing Somalian tourist board, wanna join us?”


    Boy: Grandma, you think we’ll ever find kitty?
    Grandma: Sure we will, now eat your soup, it’s rich in iron.


    To avoid pedophiles teach your children the escape routes.


    It’s OK you’re terrible at sports. You can also write comedy for the internet instead.


    Mommy, the explosion in the engine was THIS big!


    Should we tell her she’s talking into the soap dish?


    Why does Grandma always show us pictures of other families?



  • 7 Tyler Poole on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:27 pm

    (Cartoon B) Halt and be Fabulous!

  • 8 David Mello on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:27 pm

    I’ll take B: “Kids, for the last time, we’re not taking our boat to Somalia.”

  • 9 Conor Lastowka on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:34 pm

    Not sure if many quotes have gone over my head or if most people missed the VERY IMPORTANT ONLY DIRECTION:

    recaption them with an (in)appropriate RiffTrax riff or quote from a RiffTrax’d movie.

  • 10 Landon Cowan on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:37 pm


  • 11 Landon Cowan on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    that one’s for E

  • 12 David Mello on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    A: an oldie but a goodie: “Chili Peppers burn my gut”
    C: Grandma, where my rabbit?
    D: Uh, Uh, I’m not gettng anywhee near Lady Gaga
    E: OK, maybe there is crying in baseball
    F: Mommy, Daddy says he’s doing an autopsy on the car
    G: No, you tell Grandma we ran out of cell phone minutes for the month
    H: Hey, it’s worth it if Grandma wants to be alone to see “True Blood”, whatever that is
    I: MOOOOOMMMM, Mexico beat us in soccer again.

  • 13 MalphieTheClown on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:39 pm

    A. “Hey man, quit hoggin’ it. Puff, puff, pass!”

    B. Warning Sign: At age five your kid holds the “sword” by the shaft

    C. “The Gods will be pleased by our sacrifice!”

    D. No wonder he’s getting chased by creepy men in beards in a white van, everywhere he goes there’s a dotted line showing them where he is.

    E. “It’s ok son, you just suck that’s all.”

    F. “While helping daddy hold the hood open while checking the engine, a plastic bag goes by and Molly’s ADD kicks in.”

    G. “Pst…I’d hit that.”

    H. Well, it looks like Granny likes ‘em young.


  • 14 MalphieTheClown on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:41 pm


  • 15 doggans on Aug 12, 2009 at 3:44 pm

    Maybe you should add a rule where we clarify which movie/riff the quote came from?

  • 16 Kathie Hagen on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    B. (Pirates 7-18) “I WANT MY AMERICA BACK!”

  • 17 MalphieTheClown on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:06 pm

    Followed by a yell

  • 18 Landon Cowan on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    D. “Cerebro.”
    H. “Magneto!”

    Actually, these two could work for all of them. So i’m just going to go with that.

  • 19 Justin on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    B. Thank you For making my life a living hell.
    C. I have a hard time retaining moisture.
    E. Thank you, effeminate sidekick!
    G. If she gets naked, I’m leaving!
    I. I don’t wanna go inside that guy’s body!

  • 20 MalphieTheClown on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:08 pm

    H. “Is that a dinosaur?”

  • 21 Kevin on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:10 pm

    A. “You’re right, Jeffy, drugs ARE like that.”
    C. “Grandma, give George some more beans.”
    D. “Meesa say ‘Feets don’t fail me now’”
    F. “Daddy’s fixing the car to take me to some amusement park in Seaview.”
    I. “Dolly! You’re tearing me apart!”

    That’s “Drugs are Like That”, “Each Child is Different”, “Star Wars I”, “Damaged Goods” (sort of), and of course “The Room”, respectively.

  • 22 bullwinkle on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:18 pm

    A. I like potatoes!
    B. I like potatoes!
    C. I like potatoes!
    D. I like potatoes!
    E. I like potatoes!
    F. I like potatoes!
    G. I like potatoes!
    H. I like potatoes!
    I. I like potatoes!

  • 23 Beth on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:28 pm

    B) “I used to f*ck guys like you in prison!” ~ Road House

  • 24 David Mello on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:30 pm

    D: Uh, Uh, that was conjured from the depths of Hell (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azbakan)

  • 25 doggans on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:35 pm

    B. Bil Keane: “It’s not every day you see the stupidest thing you’ve ever seen.” – Holiday Special
    D. Clown: “Let’s see…how can I best appeal to kids…” – Willy Wonka
    E. Billy: “I did not hit her! It’s not true! It’s BULLshit! I did not hit her! I did NAWT…oh, hai, Dad.” – The Room

  • 26 Jason on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:40 pm

    G. “What’s with the Jackie Rogers Junior wig?” from The Fifth element

  • 27 John Hattan on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    C: Chicken wings and corn? This has all the magic of Boston Market!

  • 28 Landon Cowan on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:49 pm

    Ha, one more, this one from The Room:

    F. she got the results back from the clinic. it’s definitely breast cancer.

  • 29 Griffin on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:52 pm

    A. “We’re seeing the clouds of cocain that fueled the script writing session.”
    (Batman & Robin)

  • 30 Josh "Stan S" on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    A.) “I like turtles.” –X2

    B.) “Die you clean shaven bastard!” –Pirates of the C.

    C.) “This is just like Thanksgiving at the Corbett home” –X2

    D.) “WHERE DO I POOP!?!” –Batman & Robin

    E.) “Have an awkward, twitchy hug” –X2

    F.) “It’s a series of tubes!” –X2

    G.) “Uh…. line?” –Twilight

    H.) “That’s not an ice-related pun!” –Batman & Robin

  • 31 Veronica on Aug 12, 2009 at 4:53 pm

    Cartoon F “WOAH! Super boner!” (Twilight)

  • 32 David Mello on Aug 12, 2009 at 5:10 pm

    G: Grandma’s calling this guy, he’ll kill your spouse, 50 dollars, no questions asked.” (It Must be the Neighbors”)

  • 33 Nicolas Blessett on Aug 12, 2009 at 5:18 pm

    C) You eyeballin’ my lemon drink?

    E) I told you son, playing baseball without a cup is like shaking hands with danger. (da da da da da dur)

  • 34 Dean Langenfeld on Aug 12, 2009 at 5:25 pm

    A) Yuri is just pawn in game of life ~ Red Dawn

  • 35 karen on Aug 12, 2009 at 5:40 pm


    I can’t believe Granmda is so easy with her money! She’s like a drug dealer doling out candy….

  • 36 Joey Garza on Aug 12, 2009 at 6:12 pm

    B) Say Friend one more time, I dare ya!-The Star Wars Holiday Special

    C)Shivings are at an all time low due to the warden’s new “No Loud Talking” policy–Over The Top

    G)You’re a Nigerian prince? And you want to transfer a large amount of money into my bank account? All I have to do is send a cashier’s check for $4000?–Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

    I)By its very definition, pain does hurt!–Road House

  • 37 Scooter on Aug 12, 2009 at 7:04 pm


  • 38 Pedro on Aug 12, 2009 at 7:22 pm

    A. “Their only mistake was that they gave the the navy seals a clear shot through the window.”

    E. Dad: Welcome to the desert of the real.

  • 39 Creighton S. on Aug 12, 2009 at 7:38 pm

    A. “Just standing there waiting for a birthday party to break out around him.” (The Dark Knight)

    B. “Why did you paint the door such a STUPID colour?!?” (The Bourne Identity)


    Cb. “Schnappi?” (various)

    D. “By the way – nice going, navigation robot!” (Star Wars Episode V – The Empire Strikes Back)

    E. “Relax, they’re probably not meant for us. Besides, I think it’s just Crebain from Dunland.” (300)

    G. “Pwnage.” (Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers)

    H. “Another crafty conman who depends on the severe retardation of his victims.” (Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl)

    I. “Gary Busey!” (Beowulf)

  • 40 MalphieTheClown on Aug 12, 2009 at 7:42 pm

    I. “You just killed television personality Neil Patrick Harris!”

  • 41 Creighton S. on Aug 12, 2009 at 7:54 pm

    F. “Daddy loves me best! Daddy loves me best!” (The Dark Knight)

  • 42 Claire the Bear on Aug 12, 2009 at 7:58 pm

    Caption for H:

    “I’m shocked, SHOCKED to find that gambling is going on in here!” from “Casablanca.” (Yes, folks, it’s available as a RiffTrax!)

  • 43 MalphieTheClown on Aug 12, 2009 at 8:00 pm

    “I think he makes a valid point…aaahhh” (300)

    C. “It’s hard to tell what this is, so I imagine that it’s human gore.” (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory)

    E. “Yes, taste the long family tradition that is failure and disappointment

  • 44 heather on Aug 12, 2009 at 8:03 pm

    C. “My God, you’re eating Cocoa Puffs when you could be having Cap’n Crunch? Are you an idiot or do you just hate God?” from Sixth Sense
    D. “Well, that was kinda gay.” from Raiders of the Lost Ark
    E. “Let’s kill them and burn their corpses.” from Star Wars Ep. IV
    I. “Beep, beep, people–Princess coming through.” from Star Wars Ep. IV

  • 45 Walter on Aug 12, 2009 at 8:33 pm

    I. “I just saw “Daddy Day Camp!”

  • 46 Danny Gallagher on Aug 12, 2009 at 8:44 pm

    C. “First the diseased blankets and now this?” – Twilight
    E. “He turns to me, and he says, ‘Why so serious?’. Comes at me with the knife, ‘Why so serious?!’ Sticks the blade in my mouth, ‘Let’s put a smile on that face.’” – The Dark Knight
    F. “Huh, must have sucked a bird into the engine.” – Iron Man
    G. “Shhh, I’m trying to hear about the wang sizes.” – Twilight

  • 47 Timmy K. on Aug 12, 2009 at 8:59 pm

    B. “And pretty soon you’re writing Babylon 5 slash fic!” (How Much Affection)

    C. “Why would one eat when one faces annihilation?” (If Mirrors Could Speak)

    E. “Snap the hell out of it!” (Snap Out Of It)

    F. “Lawyers aren’t allowed to have babies!” (How Much Affection)

    G. “If I don’t go along with Mother she locks me in the basement.” (You and Your Family)

    H. “I’ll just flash him a little cankle, he’ll come a’runnin’.” (Alcohol Trigger Films)

    I. “How do we get Man Cow to shut up?” (The Bill Of Rights In Action)

  • 48 pjwaldron on Aug 12, 2009 at 9:09 pm

    A. “I wish I knew how to quit you, Mommy!” (I’m still waiting for the Brokeback Mountain riff, BTW–”What is he do…OH MY GOD! That is the most vicious wedgie I have ever seen!”)
    C. “Electric Nachos? Grandma, this is just Hamburger Helper.” (Daredevil)
    D. “Whoa! THAT’s not Schnappi!” (pretty much every Rifftrax ever made)
    I. “You are tearing me apart, Mommy!” (The Room)

  • 49 Malkavman on Aug 12, 2009 at 10:38 pm

    C: So this is making habba?

    E: Well at least the stadium was empty
    Except for the Royals and whoever they were losing to.

  • 50 RetFireman on Aug 13, 2009 at 12:13 am

    B.- “Look, mister, just take the copy of ‘The Watchtower’ and we’ll leave you alone!”

    I.- “Droppo…NOOOOOOO!!!!!!”

  • 51 Drier on Aug 13, 2009 at 5:44 am

    G. “Daddy says the ray-dee-a-shun will put tumors in her brain and we’ll inherit Grammy’s wealth!”

  • 52 dave on Aug 13, 2009 at 7:39 am

    A. There’s more to life than a little money, you know. Don’tcha know that? And here ya are, and it’s a beautiful day. Well. I just don’t understand it.

    B. When I told you I was gonna teach you to pirate music I didn’t think you’d take it so seriously.

    C. Grandma, did you forget how to cook sushi?

    D. Let go. Be Afraid. You all taste so much better when you’re afraid.

    E. Chris Matthews has finally left. Good.

    F. Mommy! Daddy just taught me how to cut a brake line and make it look like accident!

    G. She says she’s wearing black crotchless panties but she’s clearly lying.

    H. I hope gramma NEVER runs out of hush money.

    I. The box office wouln’t refund my “G.I. Joe” money!

  • 53 Tina Seeborg on Aug 13, 2009 at 8:08 am

    1st cartoon — March 26th

    “Mom, will you please let me in? My barf just froze”

  • 54 Tina Seeborg on Aug 13, 2009 at 8:11 am

    “Yay! Daddy just got the dead cat out of the fan!”

  • 55 Tina Seeborg on Aug 13, 2009 at 8:14 am

    “Okay, after I balance the anvil on the door, you guys call Gramma into the bedroom…”

  • 56 Tina Seeborg on Aug 13, 2009 at 8:21 am

    “Gramma says there’ll be more in it for us after we get back from Thailand…”

  • 57 Creighton S. on Aug 13, 2009 at 10:00 am

    A. “Mike, he’s still waiting for you to light the sky on fire!” (The Star Wars Holiday Special)

    B. “His worst nightmare has been realized: He’s been dropped into the cast of ‘According to Jim.’” (I Am Legend)

    E1. “Please cut away. Please cut away.” (The Star Wars Holiday Special)

    E2. “Ooh! You can really bite a nipple…” (I Am Legend)

    F. “Yay, I get to sleep in the same room as a depressed, hairy man!” (Reign of Fire)

    H. “For our next challenge, we’re going to attempt to sit through Daddy Day Camp.” (I Am Legend)

    G. “If you’re a furry and you’re watching this right now, are you turned on?” (The Star Wars Holiday Special)

    I. “Billy Corgan! Run!” (I Am Legend)

  • 58 Tina Seeborg on Aug 13, 2009 at 10:46 am

    “Whaddaya mean you lost the map to where you buried the dog???”

  • 59 Tina Seeborg on Aug 13, 2009 at 11:08 am

    “What…no fava beans??”

  • 60 Tina Seeborg on Aug 13, 2009 at 11:25 am

    “…and who watched Killer Clowns from Outer Space last night??…”

  • 61 Tina Seeborg on Aug 13, 2009 at 11:50 am

    “It’s okay, Billy…besides, you’re right…their Dad does look gay…”

  • 62 Tina Seeborg on Aug 13, 2009 at 11:55 am

    “Mo-om! Billy just said the Jerry Springer show is scripted!!”

  • 63 Tina Seeborg on Aug 13, 2009 at 11:57 am

    Aaaand…my work is done…whew! My brain hurts. Good luck to all!

  • 64 Steph H on Aug 13, 2009 at 6:31 pm

    C. “Grandma, what’s a Cleveland steamer?”

  • 65 OK, I Lied. Some Of It Is Hard. « Jive Turkey on Aug 28, 2009 at 5:47 am

    [...] get out of the house, it’s that I kinda don’t want to. A couple weeks ago there was something fun I wanted to get out and do in the evening, and Internet, it couldn’t have been MORE do-able. [...]

  • 66 سمو المشاعر on May 13, 2010 at 12:44 pm

    سمو المشاعربلاك بيري

  • 67 威哥王 on Jun 20, 2011 at 6:05 pm


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