Of course it is.  Here’s RC Kouba with Lady Liberty.

Earth Day is upon us, a day which has considerably more meaning and practical application than Life Day.  And what better way to celebrate the day, there in San Diego and here in the Minnesota Satellite Offices, than to release our riff of James Cameron’s Brobdingnagian Planet-Buster of a movie, Avatar.  Say what you will about the film, it will go down in the annals of cinema history as the most successful film to feature digitally-rendered tree-dwelling naked blue people.

Although one may find it incongruous that the DVD is being released on Earth Day notwithstanding that the story occurs entirely on another planet, prompting the urge to broaden the brand and rename the day Planet Day so as not to offend other planets with our Earthbound provincialism, and although our own planet has no fiber-optic trees or domesticated work animals with which we can commingle our tendrils, nonetheless this actual planet we live on is worth keeping healthy and in good working order.

And when we uncynically suggest that our riffs, being digital, are possibly more environmentally friendly than the six-foot-square blister pack surrounding your half-inch-square SD card, we truly hope you enjoy our enjoyment of the Very Big And Often Very Silly Film.  But we’ll also suggest that if you’re looking for something far bigger, far more spectacular and undeniably breathtaking, look no further than Earth’s own blockbuster, the Eyjafjallajökull volcano.

SKIJORING
Pronounced “skee-YOR-ing,” or by a select few “She-Whoring.”  You should know we do this all the time in Minnesota, in fact on weekends the city streets are packed with horses wildly cantering while avid skijorers fly off the roofs of parked cars  and bus stops.  It’s a sport for anyone with a pair of skis and a horse, or a couple of dogs, or maybe in a pinch several cats. You might be able to pull this off with a well-organized train of highly motivated guinea pigs, and if you are please let us know and we’ll post your picture.

KITE-SKIING
Pronounced just as it sounds, this ultra-current sport replaces draft animals with a very large kite, the kind you might use to pop over waves in Australia, or perhaps drown under in Cancun. It’s not an easy sport, requiring a lot of skill and strangth, so think twice before casually “dabbling” in this or any sport that can cause your arms to rip out of their sockets.

WINTER CYCLING
If you enjoy looking like an ass, just put on all the clothes you own, wedge some very expensive studded knobby tires on your bicycle and get out there in traffic. Here in Minnesota we all know folks who resolutely endanger themselves and others on our increasingly slippery and narrow snow-bound streets, adamantly refusing to drive or even take the bus in any weather, opting to pretend they’re having fun as gallons of salty slush assault their backsides and their faces, all the while chanting their desperate mantra “this is good for the environment.” But they are not having fun, they are some of the planet’s most wretched creatures.  For me the comforting thought is that these are the same people who in the summer wear bright, heavily branded tights so thin and taut, every wrinkly detail of their genitalia is not only on display, but enhanced.

TRAYING
A close cousin of tubing, traying has been practiced on college campuses in northern climes for decades. The equipment is simple: a snowy hill and a cafeteria tray, and since the trayer is already essentially sliding downhill ass-first, there’s little risk of injury. And there’s that special pride in knowing that the next day, the tray which now holds your classmate’s pancakes just hours before held your own butt cheeks.

SKITCHING
If you’re stupid, you’re probably familiar with the nefarious act of skitching, which involves grabbing on to the back of a car on a snowy, icy street and skidding along on your feet as the car careens on, barely in control and without knowing that you’re back there. We cannot endorse this, primarily because it’s exceedingly dangerous, but also because it’s the kind of winter thing fans of Steve-O might engage in. It’s a good bet that anyone who routinely skitches also owns a Jagermeister six-bottle shot cooler and is fond of saying “whoo” as loudly as he can, indoors. So if you must skitch, we suggest you grab the back fender of the nearest winter cyclist and go for a ride. Remember to yell “whoo.”

ICE FISHING
Speaking of drinking, there’s perhaps no sport that for most people defines the Upper Midwest better than ice fishing. We need to broaden the definition of the word “sport” to include “sitting on your ass all day and leafing through the SI Swimsuit Edition,” but in fact it’s one of the few winter activities that can provide food.

SHOOTING AT THINGS
I’ve never quite understood the Winter Biathlon Olympic event, which combines cross-country skiing and shooting, and appears to wring the fun out of both. Minnesotans prefer to venture out into the deep woods in a Carhartt coverall and blast God’s creatures to pieces. There’s a season for every conceivable wild animal here short of rats, so grab your shotgun and leave your girly little skis at home.
There.  Now take ‘n’ get out there while the gettin’s good, you D.C. dwellers, you shivering Mid-Atlanticans. It won’t be long until the summer humidity causes your shirt to adhere to your back, and you’ll be looking back to this time saying “why didn’t I go skijoring when I had the chance?”

We’ve had one terrific year here at Rifftrax.  Lots of ups and downs, but mostly ups, what with lots of juicy, riffable movies and the unexpected triumph of our riff of Twilight. Our live appearances were all great fun: Comic-Con, Stone Brewery, Rifftrax Live in Nashville, the Shorts-stravaganza just a couple of weeks past. And helping us along, our talented guest Riffers like Joel McHale, Paul & Storm, Veronica Belmont, “Weird Al” Yankovic, Rich Lowtax Kyanka and Jonathan Coulton.

Plus fine Rifftrax Presents presenters like Janet Varney and Cole Stratton, Matt Sloan and Aaron Yoda from Blame Society, Jason Stephens, Matthew Eliot and that Guy with the Glasses. And all those smashing i-Riffs – keep ‘em coming, folks.

We happily acknowledge the formidable talents of writers Conor Lastowka and Sean Thomason, who help to make us far funnier that we really are.  Plus all the people who keep the Rifftrax machine humming: The incredibly hard-working Josh Gemma, mad genius David D. Martin, always affable Erik Peterson, plus Justin Blank, Jason Martin, Casey Tilli, Diana Buckley, certified wizard Barry Sandrew and the humble yet brilliant David G. Martin. Then there are friends and artists like sound wizard Rick Bowman and illustrator par excellence Len Peralta who have added so much to the funny. And of course along the way, bacon has always been close at hand.

But it all comes down to you, who come our shows, who download our riffs, who talk back to the screen just like we do and laugh at our stuff. It ought to go without saying that we can’t do it without you, but it needs to be said now and then, because we’re grateful, we’re humbled and we’ll do our damnedest to keep you laughing.

So stand up, take a bow, give yourselves a hand. Thanks, and Happy New Year from Rifftrax.

…Okay. Well, that pretty much wraps up our visit with Devendra.  We’ll check in again in a year or so.

Damn, was that fun.  Rifftrax Live was beamed nationwide Thursday night with only a few satellite glitches along the way. The show rocketed by for those of us onstage, and the live theater audience in Nashville was the kind you want to take home with you.  And as reports around the country have come in, I’m even more amazed.  Hearing that people of all ages joined in singing about eating brains is the kind of thing that doesn’t happen at most movies.

I want to thank Legend’s pair of David Martins, who were everywhere they were needed before they were asked.  For those who laughed during the pre-show slides, give a round of applause to Rifftrax writer Conor Lastowka who cooked up the funny and served it as a brilliant crowd warmer-upper.  Thanks to our production guys and gals in Nashville, and to Erik and crew back at Rifftrax for keeping the site from going the way of Bela Lugosi.

Of course Big thanks to Veronica Belmont for deftly navigating our weirdness and keeping the whole thing out of the “Boyz-Only” club.  Thanks to Rich Lowtax Kyanka and his videos, which make me laugh every time I see them.  And to Jonathan Coulton for his steady supply of talent, funny and as our own Bridget would say, terrific phrasing.

Most of all, a heartfelt thanks to all of you for showing up.  You made all the difference, you made it that much more fun.  It’s a good bet we’ll be doing this again.

*
*
*

BILL adds –

A post-show photo courtesy of David G. Martin: The Cast of This Evening’s Play.

N.B.: As this picture shows, I am constantly distracted by my Skoal-chewing. And Kevin is NOT allowed to touch people.

It’s mercurial, this internets of ours, unpredictable and volatile.  The tubes get clogged, people wail and weep, but the sun rises and sets and the local bakery still has crullers on special.  Here at Rifftrax we’ve had the hard crashes that come from being swamped with attention.  It’s not fun, but it’s oddly comforting  to know that we’re not the only ones.

So here’s a suggestion: Today, use the time you’d normally waste on Twitter here.  Maybe download and enjoy one of our shorts.  Or order tickets to our August 20th nationwide live show in theaters everywhere.  Drop in on the forum and discuss movies, social networking, breakfast meats, whatever strikes your fancy.  Then maybe take a walk.  it’s a nice day here; if you have rain, bring an umbrella, or get a little wet.  You could even head down to the local bakery and get yourself a cruller.

Why hell, you could have a nice conversation!  For instance: This is what we in the Midwest call a cruller, particularly in Wisconsin:

Whereas many of you in other parts of the country call this a cruller:

We call that a French donut, which makes it no less delicious.  There, see?  we’re having a conversation, learning about each other without any social networking. In fact, why don’t you folks give us and each other some ideas on what to do when your favorite social networking service is offline.  And enjoy a potentially Twit-free day.

-kwm

See what I mean?  By the way, Tor’s on the left. Tor’s a bit easier to understand than Vin, even with the former’s thick Scandinavian accent.  Whereas Tor’s blunt tenor dialogue delivery puts me in mind of a slab of aluminum pig, the deep mumbly register of Vin’s voice has been known to set off car alarms.  As for raw acting ability, it’s a toss-up for me.  But there’s enough of Tor in Vin to get your cinematic taste buds primed for August 20th.

In the meantime, here’s a  quick and easy summer recipe inspired by the plot of Fast and Furious.

FAST AND FURIOUS POTATO SALAD
Serves 8-10 as a side dish

6 lbs. large russet potatoes, skin on
1- Mossberg 590 Mariner 8+1 12 gauge shotgun
6 – shells 00 buckshot
1 – 1970 Chevrolet Chevelle SS LS6 454 (preferably red)
Salt and pepper to taste

- BEAT potatoes one by one with your bare fists until soft.
-FIRE one round of buckshot into each shell, distributing shot evenly as possible
-PULVERIZE potatoes by driving over them with Chevelle until well mixed
-Season with salt and pepper.

Now here’s Kevin (right, with Bill Corbett) sporting his dreary old look.  His dogged refusal to surrender his facial hair is problematic, but we’ve come up with an elegant, sophisticated solution - the face mitten.

The beard is no longer a problem.  The loosely vested top accentuates Kevin’s broad shoulders and draws attention from his kidney fat and pit ham.  Sure it’s a bold statement, but is it bold enough?

We asked our readers to contribute their vision, and boy, was that ever the right idea! Daisyj worked the face mitten with something more leggy:

Wook, among other more adventurous combinations,  urges Kevin to adopt a more youthful line in his couture:

But it took BEMaven to put the whole thing together, and it hits you like a bolt out of the blue: OF COURSE!  THE BRIAN BLESSED LOOK!!!

Here the beard is in balance with the wings, there’s a helmet (Kevin loves helmets) and he gets to show a little leg.  Okay a lot of leg.  All right, way too much leg.  But on an ursine fellow like Kevin, I believe we have assembled a comfortable, versatile look that’s absolutely perfect for Comic-Con.

Thank you all!  Hope none of this haunts your dreams!  It’ll certainly haunt mine!  On to the Con!

(*Looks may not be entirely new.)

It’s not easy being a Bill Corbett – riffer, writer, actor, father, amateur soft drink developer. Mixing a career and family can be tough, even confusing, evidence when Bill sent his young daughter to close a contract in Hollywood. (She was a pit bull at the negotiating table, by the way).  This leaves Bill the Artist very little time to concern himself with Bill the Look.  I’m here to help him.

Bill wears the Regular Guy T-shirt and jean ensemble as well as anybody.  But for important events like convention panels, movie premieres and parent-teacher conferences, we need to ramp up Bill’s look to near-Bruno levels of daring.  The runways of Paris and the old copy of GQ from the Supercuts waiting area proved to be gold mines.

I wanted to start with something dressed up yet free-moving for Bill, who’s known to spontaneously launch into his Pilates routine just about anywhere – hotel lobbies, luncheons, autograph signings.  The sock-free, shirt-and-matching tie lends a chic elegance without straying too far from its T.J. Maxx roots.  The only problem with this particular look for Bill is that he isn’t a skinny, flat-chested girl.

This seems near perfect.  This neo-Hellenic shift is flowing, with classic, classic lines, cool and breezy yet sophisticated. A dream to accessorize.  But with Bill’s skin tones, the only color that would work for him is saffron, and unfortunately that shifts the whole look from Western Canon to something more Tibetan monkish, which diminishes the sexy dimension of the look.

Then it struck me:  Hats!  The right hat completes an outfit and balances the look, allowing Bill to be daring yet sensible in day and evening wear.  Look what it did for Joey Pants – the day he decided to routinely wear hats, his career skyrocketed, and he became the timeless, enduring Hollywood dynasty that he is today.  Was it talent, power, the ever-shifting chessboard of show business?  Hell no, it was the hat.

But which hat?  First we tried out a free-spirited Thomas Dolby top-to-bottom retro thing, great for sci-fi conventions, but for street wear, the beatings Bill would take made it a lateral move.

But building on the headgear, Armani dropped this stunning number into our laps.   Just look at the detail – sequined water polo helmet playing off the sauna-suit vest and mink arm-warmers.  Sporty, versatile, and made of NOW.  I’m predicting that this will be Bill’s look this fall/winter season, but the down vest and wool sweater can be a bit uncomfortabel for San Diego in August.

Dressing up in the summer heat means leggings, and here are two stunning examples that I think Bill would look smashing in.  Note the subtle nod to the classic “I forgot my pants” dream on the right, and the exquisite detail of the garter-and hose on the left, each capped by that sporty neo-hairnet that makes the whole ensemble just POP.  We were excited to try this look on Bill, but a touch disappointed when he immediately threw up all over himself, which told us we had better lean in a more traditional direction.

And here it is, a classic gentlemen’s look with a modern rakish flair.  The porous top is airy and cool while retaining an elegant line, perfectly accenting the modal cutoffs in modern earth tones. And nothing can beat an animal-print fedora so huge it instantly brings to mind Rocky the thug from the Bugs Bunny Cartoons.   This is the Bill we all know and love, now dressed to take on the world boldly, yet stylishly.  Go get ‘em, tiger!

Next time, it’s Kevin’s new look. And dear God but he needs it.  And I need your help!  Please submit your ideas, links, sketches of the made-over Kevin to this address.

Kevin painting done by UltimateHurl

What are we to do?  Research, dammit! Head to the ad pages of Vanity Fair and T magazines of course, hit the GQ and Details ramparts, peer out at the style vanguard and lay siege on the new looks coming out of Paris!  Quick, to the makeover montage!

We’ll start with Mike.  Mike’s rugged good looks make the ladies swoon, especially when combined with his uniquely meaty breath.  But let’s face it, Mike’s casual California ensemble projects a man who says, boldly, “I’ll just go stand over there.”  Well it’s time for Mr. N (his new name, by the bye) to stand up and be noticed!

First I looked to the ladies of Duchess Clothiers of Portland, who I’ll grant make excellent suits to order at astonishing prices.  After perusing their catalog though, I found that while the meticulous tailoring and whisps of early-century haberdashery may enhance the bookish charm of a John Hodgman, the rock-chic cheek of a Nick cave or the outright bizarre requirements of a practitioner of the manly art of Bartitsu, for Mike the look may be a bit too “vintage,” too “period,” too “hit me repeatedly in the face with a whiffle bat,”  which, if you’re interested, is not one of the fundamental skills of the manly art of Bartitsu.

Then, leafing through the pages of the New York Times Magazine, I came upon a striking image of the fiery patriotic Russian conductor Valery Gergiev, dramatically photographed by Joachim Ladefoged.  Much more Mike-ish, I told myself, closer to his Danish roots, brusque and daring.  But I also realized that a look like this requires a continual supply of liquor sweat, generally at the proof levels found only in Baltic vodka or undiluted Akavit.  As seductively louche as the look may appear at first, I didn’t want to hear Mike’s own children quoting Theodore Roethke’s poem “My Papa’s Waltz.”

So it was off to the runways of Paris, and look what I found!  The look is clean,  dressy without being stuffy, and let’s face it, wearing a blazer with underpants is classic southern California.  Tie it all together with shoes made of (I think) porpoise skin, and everything pops.  It has a breezy (way breezy)  understated elegance that Mike can carry off for so many occasions, from “hi”-powered business meetings to casual poolside get-togethers.  If we can convince him to adopt the Prison Break hairstyle, the look will be complete.

This is our Mike 2.0.  This is the Mike you’ll see at Comic-Con. Let us know what you think, folks.  I’m off to D&G with a credit card tomorrow.

Next time: BILL CORBETT

******

BILL adds –

Kevin, I’ve already chosen my new look:

Here’s a sample of what occured behind the scenes.  I believe Paul might have suffered a hernia.

But never too busy to take care of what’s vitally important:  delivering you fresh images of bad wax figures.

So cheers from Bad Wax Bogie, Bad Wax… David Caruso, I think; Bad Wax… Nicole Kidman?  And Bad Wax I Have No Clue.  Help me out here, friends, we must identify these Bad Wax Celebrities!  Send your guesses right away!

And hey, thanks for hanging with us while we keep trying new things.  We’ll do our best to keep you entertained.  Keep watching.

-kwm

We’re in the final stages of prep work for our live online show, and a new first – an entire feature film, lovingly riffed for your enjoyment.

We’ll start the evening at 6pm Pacific Time with a short film, one of our absolute favorites, Shake Hands With Danger, which you can watch for free. It’s a sexy, freewheelin’ industrial accident film set to a toe-tapping country-rock score.

Then if you’d like to see the feature film, just buy a ticket, step behind the velvet rope and follow the surprisingly easy instructions.

Tonight’s movie Planet of Dinosaurs is the kind of classic well-aged cheese that’s always perfect for riffing.  A spaceship is marooned on a distant planet crawling (actually sparsely peppered with) dinosaurs.  It’s a battle of man against wire-frame stop-action clay model, and you can expect a lot of action-packed, thrill-a-minute aimless walking.

After the movie, stick around for a chance to interact with Mike, Bill and Kevin – we promise you a genuine surprise or two.  Tickets are on sale now.  Hope you can join us!

They actually had a table set up for tasting this stuff, like a Pepsi Challenge gone horribly wrong.  I tasted it – it’s not at all sweat-flavored, and I learned that it’s sold as a sport beverage in Japan.  Think of it as Vitamin Water with a more provocative name.  Speaking of sports:

I had a harder time figuring this one out.  What makes these balls particularly sporty?  Is it the coconut, or the syrup they’ve drowned in? Or do I pursue filthier avenues, afforded me by another fine Florence brand product:

This could mean anything, really.  I immediately presume that it’s the source of Jack-in-the-Box’s infamous Jack Sauce.  Truth is that jackfruit is a common Asian tree-fruit, often cultivated while unripe and, thanks to its chickeny texture prepared and sold as “vegetable meat.”

But before you shudder,  I’ll leave you with somethign a little closer to home:

That’s right, Cushion meat.  I believe the name says it all.  Great price, too!

And now I invite you to venture forward to your favorite local non-traditional melting-pot food provider and send us some examples of real, honest-to-goodness foods that you’ve never heard of.  I’m talking commercially available on a store shelf, none of this Andrew Zimmern stuff. Now get out there and have fun.

Sparkly vampires!  Sexy Stooges! Mambo-ing zombies!  Bowie-ing Nelson!  They’re all here, and more!

Ever since Rifftrax started, people have asked, “When are you guys going to do more music? What’s the matter with you?  Why are Kevin’s pants so femmy?”    Well in answer to the first question, we’re officially tickled to introduce our first collection, Music for Riffing.  All ten of these songs are inspired by movies we’ve riffed, movies you love, or hate or simply laugh along with us.  From the sublime (Jaws) to the ridiculous (Reefer Madness) to the downright silly (Twilight), these movies all hold a special something that compelled us to sing, or groan, or croak somewhere near the appropriate key.

We hope you enjoy, and we hope this is the first batch of many more songs to come.  Keep checking back to the music page, we’ll be adding more soon. And in honor of our riff of Twilight, here’s a sample of Bill’s delightfully gutless confection, “Sparkly Vampires.”

…From Bad Wax Adam Ant.  He wants to you to “Stand and Deliver” a great, great day. So get up, be like Adam Ant, put on pink war paint and a Midshipman’s’ uniform, and dance like a teenage girl.

THANKS to everybody who wrote in with your suggestions on how to deal with my new phone. So  so plentiful was the advice  you gave that I need to declare two winners of free Rifftrax. The most popular theories involved Christian Bale’s Batman voice, time travel or both.

My favorite runners up: R.A. Roth, who suggested I “Hook it up to an AT&T line and don’t pay the bill. Within a month, they’ll repossess your possessed phone.”  Scooter suggested I try dialing 9 first, to which I reply, “Okay, let see if–hey, wait a minute!”  Maureen gave the sage advice to “sound the buzzer and say ‘Disconnect!’” Randommanthefirst sent me a link on how to obtain permission for an exorcism, which could be very helpful in the future.  Taters suggested I try rebooting the phone, to which AJ replied that Taters must work for tech support.  And Mike Finly came up with the simplest solution: “Give it to Mike.”  He might have won, had he not put an emoticon on the end of his submission.  I hate emoticons.  Sorry.

First Runner Up is Inspector Dim who suggested  I “draw a happy face on the front panel to solve that whole ‘desolate’ problem.” it worked, thank you and now the mere appearance of the phone no longer compels me to defenestrate myself.

But the WINNER is Wesley Stamper, who gained high marks on the obscurity curve by suggesting “Hand the phone to Noddy Holder and Run Runaway.”  How could he know that I spent many a late night after tending bar watching reruns of Don Kirshner’s Rock Concert, on which Slade appeared so often I though they were the house band.  What’s more, after taking his advice the phone did show up again, but now it sounds like this:

I can live with that. So winners Dim and Wesley, please email ERIK AT RIFFTRAX DOT COM.  Our diligent, eloquent ebullient friend Erik with hook you up.