…Okay. Well, that pretty much wraps up our visit with Devendra.  We’ll check in again in a year or so.

Damn, was that fun.  Rifftrax Live was beamed nationwide Thursday night with only a few satellite glitches along the way. The show rocketed by for those of us onstage, and the live theater audience in Nashville was the kind you want to take home with you.  And as reports around the country have come in, I’m even more amazed.  Hearing that people of all ages joined in singing about eating brains is the kind of thing that doesn’t happen at most movies.

I want to thank Legend’s pair of David Martins, who were everywhere they were needed before they were asked.  For those who laughed during the pre-show slides, give a round of applause to Rifftrax writer Conor Lastowka who cooked up the funny and served it as a brilliant crowd warmer-upper.  Thanks to our production guys and gals in Nashville, and to Erik and crew back at Rifftrax for keeping the site from going the way of Bela Lugosi.

Of course Big thanks to Veronica Belmont for deftly navigating our weirdness and keeping the whole thing out of the “Boyz-Only” club.  Thanks to Rich Lowtax Kyanka and his videos, which make me laugh every time I see them.  And to Jonathan Coulton for his steady supply of talent, funny and as our own Bridget would say, terrific phrasing.

Most of all, a heartfelt thanks to all of you for showing up.  You made all the difference, you made it that much more fun.  It’s a good bet we’ll be doing this again.

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BILL adds –

A post-show photo courtesy of David G. Martin: The Cast of This Evening’s Play.

N.B.: As this picture shows, I am constantly distracted by my Skoal-chewing. And Kevin is NOT allowed to touch people.

Here’s a sample of what occured behind the scenes.  I believe Paul might have suffered a hernia.

Sparkly vampires!  Sexy Stooges! Mambo-ing zombies!  Bowie-ing Nelson!  They’re all here, and more!

Ever since Rifftrax started, people have asked, “When are you guys going to do more music? What’s the matter with you?  Why are Kevin’s pants so femmy?”    Well in answer to the first question, we’re officially tickled to introduce our first collection, Music for Riffing.  All ten of these songs are inspired by movies we’ve riffed, movies you love, or hate or simply laugh along with us.  From the sublime (Jaws) to the ridiculous (Reefer Madness) to the downright silly (Twilight), these movies all hold a special something that compelled us to sing, or groan, or croak somewhere near the appropriate key.

We hope you enjoy, and we hope this is the first batch of many more songs to come.  Keep checking back to the music page, we’ll be adding more soon. And in honor of our riff of Twilight, here’s a sample of Bill’s delightfully gutless confection, “Sparkly Vampires.”

…Hopes you have a good weekend.  He also wants you to know that he loves you all.  He loves you very, very much.  I mean, wow, he loves you so much, it’s almost indecent.  Strike that, it is indecent.  But if loving you is wrong, Skeletor doesn’t wanna be right.

Ah. you laugh.  See, if you’d only love Skeletor back, just a little, he’d stay in Snake Mountain and leave Eternia at peace.  But no, you mock Skeletor, and now he must lash out, using all his powers to destroy you.  Even the Terror Claws – don’t make him use the Terror Claws!

Anyway, Have a good weekend.  And all hail Skeletor.

Having just returned from a retreat to Mexico, I’m delighted to see that Michael J. has kept his word and embarked on a solid month of bacon stupidity.  All week I broke my fast con tocino, and this morning in his honor I cooked up a batch of Nueske’s, which contrary to some east-coast prudes who probably eat their bacon with a knife and fork, is one of the best.

And Micheal, to help  you along your way I’m sending you a slab of Nueske’s and a copy of Mark Gormley’s latest, “Audo CD.”  Mark’s is truly the bacon of music.

Note: I like the band a lot, the new record is great, I’m going to go see them next week, one of my fondest memories of 2008 revolved around “For Reverend Green”, etc. Please don’t invoke Godwin’s law on me.

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8.

9.

10.

11.

12.

Answer Key:  All even numbers were at the listening party, all odds were from Trainspotting.  Number 12 was an unfortunate case of what can happen to you if you stare at the MPP cover art for too long.

In 1996, Sen Dog of Cypress Hill and Freaky Tah of the Lost Boyz got together in the studio to lay down some new tracks while both their groups were between albums. The project was eventually cancelled due to creative differences, and the tapes of the sessions have never surfaced, until today. Below is a transcript of the audio from these sessions.  [Note:  No idea what I'm talking about?  Click each rappers picture for a sample of their craft]

DJ Premier: Alright, Sen Dog, It’s my pleasure to introduce you to Freaky Tah. We’re gonna lay down some ill rhymes today…

Freaky Tah: Got the rhymes!

DJ Premier: Over these blunted beats I got.

Freaky Tah: And the beats!

DJ Premier: Yes, thank you Freaky Tah. Anyways, Sen Dog, when I was talking to Freaky Tah on the phone, he just couldn’t stop talking about how excited he was to record with you.

Sen Dog: Said he’s a big fan y’all!

DJ Premier: Yes, I can see the feeling is mutual. Anyways, the clock is ticking, we should probably get started with this first track. I’m just gonna let the beat roll and whenever you guys are read-

Freaky Tah: Ready!

DJ Premier: Alright, you don’t have to shout. And…we’re rolling…

[The tape rolls for 20 seconds as Freaky Tah and Sen Dog bob their heads in silence]

DJ Premier: Cut!

Sen Dog: Cut the tape!

Freaky Tah: Cut the tape!

Sen Dog: Cut the tape!

Freaky Tah: Cut the tape!

Sen Dog: Cut the tape!

Freaky Tah: Cut the-

DJ Premier: Yes, yes, we cut the tape. It’s cut. Listen guys, both of you are members of two of the most popular rap groups of the nineties. You’ve done this hundreds of times before. Let’s just buckle down and make a hit.

Sen Dog: Hits from the bong!

Freaky Tah: From the bong!

DJ Premier: Close enough. Alright, take 2 rolling…now:

[Another of DJ Premier's patented beats begins to play as Sen Dog and Freaky Tah bob their heads in silence]

[Thirty seconds pass]

DJ Premier: What the hell is going on in there?

Sen Dog: Goin’ on!

Freaky Tah: Goin’ on!

Sen Dog: Goin’ on!

Freaky Tah: Goin’ on!

Sen Dog: Goin’ on!

Freaky Tah: Goin’ on!

Sen Dog & Freaky Tah: What the hell’s goin’ on?!

DJ Premier: I don’t think you guys understand, this studio is really expensive…

Freaky Tah: Mad paypah yo!

DJ Premier: And I’ve got two other artists to produce today

Sen Dog: Schedule’s crowded esé!

DJ Premier: I’m not really sure what else to do. We can try one more take and then I’m gonna have to pull the plug on this collaboration. We’re rolling in three…two…one…

[DJ Premier points at the two rappers, the beat begins to play and Sen Dog and Freaky Tah begin to bob their heads]

[Twenty seconds pass]

[Freaky Tah begins to wave his hands in an agitated manner]

Freaky Tah: It’s a bee!

Sen Dog: It’s a bee!

Freaky Tah: It’s a bee!

Sen Dog: It’s a bee y’all!

Freaky Tah: It’s a bee!

Sen Dog: It’s a bee!

Freaky Tah: It’s a bee!

Sen Dog: It’s a bee y’all!

Freaky Tah: I’m allergic!

Sen Dog: He’s allergic!

Freaky Tah: I’m allergic!

Sen Dog: Anaphylactic y’all!

Freaky Tah: Seriously!

Sen Dog: Think he means it y’all!

Freaky Tah: OW!!!

Sen Dog: He’s in pain y’all! He’s in pain y’all!

Freaky Tah: Epi…pen…

Sen Dog: Take a big hit from the pen!

[Two medics rush in the door. One prepares the defibrillator]

Medic 1: Clear!

Sen Dog: Clear!

Freaky Tah: [mumbling, barely coherent] clear…

Medic 2: Is it clear?

Medic 1: Yes, it’s cl-

Sen Dog: Says it’s clear y’all!

Freaky Tah: [passing out] clea…

Medic 2:  One at a time please!

Sen Dog:  At a time y’all!

Freaky Tah:  [unintelligible]

Medic 1:  It’s clear!  Do it already!

[Medic 2 zaps Freaky Tah with the Defibrillator]

[DJ Premier looks ahead to his schedule and places a phone call]

DJ Premier: Yeah. Murray? Cancel tomorrow’s recording with Flava Flav…

Much praise and honor go to our final opponent Jason Morris, whose four songs showed a range, talent and fine humor (My favorite: “The O’Sullivan Stomp”).  He’s also a consummate shit-talker; so in your honor, Jason, we wave our ample backsides at you and invite you to kiss them.

Folks, more than anything, we’re grateful to you for listening, voting and cheering. And much thanks to Quick Stop Entertainment for providing Mike, Bill and I with an excuse to make music together again.  It’s been a while, and damned if it doesn’t feel like old times.

For now you can hear all of our songs – and our competitors’ songs – at the Song Fu site.  But you haven’t heard the last of the Rifftones.  To quote Paul Williams, “We’ve only just begun.”  And to quote Trace Adkins, “Shut my mouth, slap your grandma.”

In his research, Richard stumbled across this video.  The mans choice of attire and choice of song can’t possibly be a coincidence, so I ask you, if you happen to be reading right now, to come forth you mysterious MST3K fan!  Identify yourself and claim credit for your masterful English language rendition of Schnappi with Ukelele accompaniment! (a command given for the first time ever in history)

Maybe the offer of free RiffTrax can entice him out of his lair of anonymity?

LENINGRAD COWBOYS: Gimme All Your Lovin’ (With the Red Army Chorus)

Something this sublime needs no comment. I first encountered the Cowboys in Finland, where they’re nothing short of national heroes. Find the Leningrad Cowboys online, hunt down the Aki Kaurismaki film Leningrad Cowboys Go America, or rent the concert video from your favorite online video rental outlet.

And yes, that is a whistling solo at about two minutes in.

RAY J (Featuring Yung Berg) SEXY CAN I

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In which the timeless question is asked: “Sexy, Can I?” to which the timeless answer is “No, Creepy, you can’t, and if you try, I’m pulling out my pepper spray.” In the video a young man with a very nice baseball cap and his friend wax rhapsodic over the way that a woman moves her body, and ask, politely, if they can do all manner of filthy things to her. “Sexy Can I” has almost everything a bad song needs – cars, jewelry, women with preternaturally large butt cheeks and plenty of bling. The only thing keeping this from being a Kid Rock song is the presence of melody and the absence of a dwarf.

If you have a nominee for Bad Song of the Week, let us have it! Submit it in the comments area here. We only ask that your song be commercially available and not jammed with obscenities.

Gretchen Wilson: REDNECK WOMAN

Believe me when I say I don’t look down on Gretchen Wilson, primarily because if I did she might hit me with her baby and run over me with her Yamaha Rhino. Yet I too leave my Christmas lights on, on my front porch all year long, and I know too many of the lyrics to too many Charlie Daniels songs, although I’ve been trying to eradicate them of late and I’m considering electro-convulsive therapy.

So hats off to you, Gretchen, although I daresay that among the company you keep no one ever removes his hat.

Do YOU have a bad song you’d like to nominate for bad song of the week? Send us your nominees, we’ll pick only the very worst! Make sure it’s a song in regular national airplay, or at least in annoyingly constant rotation on your local station. Oh, and no filthy lyrics, please.

Jibbs: Chain Hang Low

The term “shawty” takes on a new connotation in this video by a rapper whose name reminds one of a nineteenth-century English butler. As far as I can gather, the song involves jewelry as an index of virility, impractical dental appliances, and sex. What makes it the bad song of the week – and perhaps the decade – is the involvement of children, the twisting of a kids’ song into a pimp song, and an ice cream truck that denies children ice cream.

Let’s be honest: when kids originally twisted the song “Do Your Ears Hang Low” into something filthy, the filth was more innocent.

It was a testament to the humor and enjoyable musical qualities of both Jonathan and Paul & Storm, that the evening was actually a great time and the guys were fun to hang with afterwards. Perhaps next time we will have more time for Rock Band, and I will be able to keep straight who went to UVA, (Me & Lauren) and who didn’t (everyone else.)

If I can make some recommendations:

1. This article in the New York Times about Jonathan was an interesting read about the way the web has changed things for musicians, and also features interviews with the Hold Steady’s Tad Kubler and Franz Nicolay (they don’t mention the maniacs who jumped onstage with them the last time they came to San Diego)

2. Paul & Storm’s “Dejected Arr” shirt was something that I wanted but had no cash and even if I had it would have become soaked in sweat just by me looking at it.

3. Ballast Point Yellowtail Pale Ale does a great job of cooling you down after a show like that

4. Lastly, if you are a fan of the witty song stylings of Jonathan Coulton or Paul & Storm, I invite you to check out this song by my friend Andrew Kilpatrick called “Orthopedic Shoes“. It’s quite awesome, we listened to it in the car on the way home from the show and sung along the whole way:

5.  This was written in an office that was approximately 2 degrees cooler than Lestat’s was, due to the weekend thievery of copper pipes in our office complex that proved vital to the functioning of the A/C units, not to mention the running water and toilets.  The crime of the century!

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UPDATE: Credit where it’s due — HERE is the artist for the “Dejected Arrr” tee.

And true to our spirit here at Rifftrax, the only fitting salute to this legendary film is to include this palindromic parody by another legend, and guest Riffer, Weird Al Yankovic.

**UPDATE BY CONOR**

Sure, it’s a promotional gimmick for a shoddy hits compilation, and embedding seems not to work, but it’s still awesome. You can make your own card dropping video here, here’s mine.

Press Secretary: We’re going to keep this brief, it’s been a busy first day for the president

Press Corp: What was the legislation that the president passed today?

The president was eager to accomplish something on his first day in office. Today he signed a bill which states “If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding.”

Why was this a priority for the president?

He’s always believed in this philosophy. You’ll recall that it was pretty much the only thing he talked about on the campaign trail.

So, what you’re saying is, it is now illegal to eat pudding…if you haven’t eaten your meat…

That’s correct Helen. How can you have any pudding if you don’t eat your meat?

Well, we used to just… have some pudding, but now you just passed a law saying that we can’t.

That’s right. If you don’t eat your meat, you can’t have any pudding. I feel like I’m repeating myself.

Is eating meat the priority for the president, or is the regulation of pudding more his concern?

For the president, the two have always gone hand in hand.

Why meat? Why not vegetables, that seems to be the traditional thing you’re required to eat before you’re allowed desert…

The president feels that he’s earned some political capital in the election. Tradition, the “old guard”, so to speak…That’s not what the voters said they want.

When the president says “If you don’t eat your meat…” It seems like that could just mean a small bite of my meat, there’s nothing in that statement about “cleaning my plate” of meat, so to speak.

Those types of issues were hammered out in committees, and I’ll say this: If you’re looking for a loophole in the “Meat/Pudding” bill, you’re not gonna find one.

What about those citizens who don’t eat meat, those who are vegetarians for health or moral reasons?

I hope they like Jello

[laughter]

Do you worry that people will now be eating meat with the expectation of getting pudding which the government is not in a position to provide to them?

The president has never said anything about Government Pudding. We’re not in favor of pudding handouts, or passing the cost of pudding programs along to the taxpayer. But that said, if you’re interested in eating pudding…You should eat your meat.

How will this program be enforced? Do you expect local law enforcement to shoulder the burden?

The president honestly believes that respect for the law begins at home. Within the next few days we will roll out a new website containing instructions for parents regarding tips for properly shrieking at your children about pudding and/or meat, as well as learning games and activities for the whole family to share

Madam, Bill Cosby has issued a statement roundly denouncing the…

I’m sorry, that’s all the time we have for today. Good night, and god bless America. Even you. Yes, you behind the bikeshed! Stand still laddy, or we’ll revoke your press pass!

“Get me Sharon Stone! Well then, Julia Roberts! Well then, Cindy Crawford! Kathy Ireland! Elle MacPhereson! Madonna! Tiffany! Debbie Gibson! Vanna White! Lori Loughlin! Candace Cameron! (Hours pass) OK, we’ll take her, but you’re fired!”

The man so Rock & Roll they had to dub him in later to the Super Bowl Shuffle video

The cover story that would become “Elizabethtown”

“This Rolling Stone cover is great! This movie’s gonna be huge!” *Ring Ring* “Hello? Who died? One of the world’s most popular whats? Immeasurable cultural impact on who? Eh, slip it in somwhere in retraction sized font.”

And finally:

While you’re choking on that, be sure to note the article “Columbine: Whose fault is it? By Marilyn Manson”