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Folks, I need your advice.  it concerns this phone.  It just showed up in the mail one day, no box, no wrapper of any kind, but with a note taped to it that said “You’ll know what to do.”  What in God’s name is it for?  What’s it connected to?  That naked front panel is [...]

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I’m preparing this weekend to see the latest Bond film, Quantum of Solace, at my local googleplex.*  And I’m a little concerned that I may not take away from it any measurable quantity of comfort which would aid me in a time of duress.  However, I’m certain that there are other Quantities of other Entities [...]

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It was easy to focus on Devendra Banhart as bad artist of the week; his songs could fill out an entire calendar. But to pick one single song as our week’s portion of yuck was excruciating. Witness for example one of his signature songs, performed here on Jools Holland’s show. Enjoy the [...]

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I have now kissed Darth Vader. In public, before God and everybody.
Before you ask, I’ll just say it: He’s a gentle, beautiful man. He smelled of summer lavender blossoming in the fields of Givenchy. His helmet flaps, so delicate, his control panel, so powerful. Moments after this was taken, I swooned. [...]

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It’s Comic-Con time, and the folks at Legend Films are busily prepping our own Mike Nelson for his appearance at the Rifftrax/Legend Films Booth, and of course for Rifftrax Live Saturday at the gorgeous Balboa Theater. It’s no easy task – Mike has been broken down into his component parts, shrink-wrapped and packed into seventeen [...]

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Thanks again to my niece Laurel, who combs the airwaves to find the juiciest musical nits. Apologies in advance for the ad accompanying the video. This week:
Gretchen Wilson: REDNECK WOMAN
 

Believe me when I say I don’t look down on Gretchen Wilson, primarily because if I did she might hit me with her baby [...]

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I found these at the airport:

Actually they’re delicious. Best balls I’ve ever tasted. They make a great gift.

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Once again, My niece Laurel has kept me posted on the very worst in popular music. This week:
Jibbs: Chain Hang Low

The term “shawty” takes on a new connotation in this video by a rapper whose name reminds one of a nineteenth-century English butler. As far as I can gather, the song involves [...]

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Dear Mr. Corbett:

Allow me to introduce myself. I’m actor/vegetable Nick Notcolli. I invite you to eat me. Remember, I’m part of your healthy diet, which consists entirely of you eating me. I hope you have a big appetite.
**
BILL adds: Bravo, Kevin. Your beer has been well and truly earned. [...]

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Only because some of you seem to have a weak stomach regarding our penchant for cross-celebrity mutations, I present the American Purple-top “Gary” Busnip hybrid (Corbett cultivar). With a stronger, more pungent taste than other varieties, the Busnip is commonly baked, occasionally steamed , but perhaps most popular when smashed, spiked with good-quality vodka, [...]

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…Wanted to let you know he’s been having a great day, and his fully merged form only makes him more powerful.

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Of course it’s me on the left. And yes, “Desperado” was our song. The relationship didn’t last; I can’t be sure, but I think she wanted to hurt me.

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In fact, let’s make it twenty-five.
In our continuing efforts to provide you with fresh silliness delivered promptly, I will be delighted to answer the first twenty-five questions submitted in the handy “Comments” below. I’ll only edit out questions that have been answered several times before here and elsewhere, so I encourage you to come [...]

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First of all, thanks to all of you who feel that I may or may not resemble one person or another. Without you, this exercise would merely be annoying and self-indulgent. After asking you to suggest people that, in spite of my best efforts, I look nothing like, you sent in thousands (dozens) [...]

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After my stunning declaration that I am not now nor have never been Canadian frontman Randy Bachman, the images of people who don’t remotely resemble me in any way have been rolling in. ResembleFest (I created that title) is underway! Hundreds (dozens) of you have sent in images of people that you [...]

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